Good Afternoon people, and happy bonfire night. This is school teacher Lauren here. I am writing Jodie's blog today, as she's been a very naughty girl. Her mum and dad have gone out for the afternoon and instructed her to "Clean the flat, move all the junk she has left in THEIR living room, and change the sheets in the spare room!" Kyle is staying tonight and Mummy Marsh will not be shamed by the dirty sheets that Jodie would be more than happy to leave in there! She can be a naughty, filhty little girl sometimes you know, despite what she might tell you on here! Anyway, parents have instructed me to be in charge and make sure she does the housework while they're out. So cinderella is off scrubbing the floors, whilst I write to all of you!
So, where shall I begin? You all get to hear lots about Jodie's life and her friends, from her point of view. But today, I'm going to tell you how it is from my point of view! Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha! Well, being Jodie's best mate, is a bit like being sucked into a parallel universe, where you're not really sure how you got there, but you kinda like it. But you do spend a lot of time wondering if you will ever get home! Anyone who is reading this that is also a friend of Jodie's will know what I mean here with particular reference to being 'kidnapped'! Jodie has a habit of kidnapping all of her friends and keeping them at her house for days on end, without washing or changing clothes! She is possibly the most persuasive person I have ever met in my life. However, I will say this, you never know what's going to happen once you've been kidnapped, and you generally have a wicked time, and you get home safe and sound a few days later!
Can I just take this opportunity to explain about those well documented 'bush diving' photos. Look, I was confused, I didn't know what I was doing. I really am a responsible school teacher, in fact, it was part of a health and safety experiment! No, only joking, I was wasted!
Anyway, So what else can I tell you about Jodie? Did you know that... She once spent the whole summer wearing the same clothes! For 6 weeks! Admittedly it was a combination of her motorbike leathers and a pair of green combat trousers, but still..? It was what we affectionately refer to as 'The Summer of Sofa'! This was last year, Jodie and I spent the whole summer sleeping on the sofas (or outside on the sun loungers!) at her mum and dad's house! Not only did we spend the whole summer there, but we spent the whole six weeks putting the world to rights as well. Jordan actually suggested we start up a debating club with all of the ranting and discussing we do. Anyway, back to the clothes. One day (when Jodie finally decided to have a shower!) while she went into the bathroom, I decided to hide the trousers so she couldn't put them back on again! Unfortunately, she had left all of her money etc in the pockets, so I had to dig them out. And on again they went! That was the summer that we stayed in and egged Jordan, I think she told you about that the other day? It was pure comedy!
In the 6 years or so that I have known Jodie, I don't think I have ever met anyone else who I know can beat me in an argument! A word of wisdom to all of those bitter, twisted old hack journalists out there... Don't even bother starting it. Cos believe me, you will not have the will to live by the time she finishes it! Jodie has the strongest mind I have ever come across. Sometimes it's infuriating. You know those times when you absolutely KNOW that you are right? Well, I get that all the time when I talk to Jodie, I go in thinking I KNOW that I am right, and then by the end of it all, she's somehow convinced me that I was wrong all along! For instance, I have now been a vegetarian for a whole year. I used to eat every type of meat under the sun! Until that is, I asked the fateful question: 'Why don't you eat meat then?' Well, 7 hours later, I emerged from Marsh Manors a fully fledged vegetarian, and I've never gone back to the dark side since! A classic example of Jodie's persuasive capabilities.
What else do I think you would like to know about Jodie? Ok. I think secretly (and don't tell her I told you this!) I think she's a bit of a white witch! She can absolutely see through anybody she ever meets! Now, I'm a pretty good judge of character, and (I thought) I was also pretty good at keeping what I think about things to myself, if I wanted to. Enter Jodie Marsh. I once told her that she made me transparent! She can see straight through anyone she ever meets. It's one of the best things about her. Some people might look at the title of her book 'Keeping it Real' and think it's just a catchy title. I don't think there is anything you could say about Jodie that is more true. It's absolutely her best quality as a person. You cannot lie to her, and you cannot pull the wool over her eyes, cos she will see straight through it. But, in turn, everyday, she will be as real as is humanly possible. It's what I love about her the most. People that are false and are liars are just hideous. Whatever the newspapers and magazines might say (pay particular attention, Now! magazine) Jodie is always herself and does not lie and cheat etc. Why would she need to? She's a pretty damn good person all round anyway! I don't know mush about other celebrities and what they're like with their normal friends and family around them. But Jodie remains with her feet firmly on the ground, totally down to Earth.
Anyway, I'm not going to go on for too long, as I've got some school books to mark, plus I need to go and check that Lady Marsh has actually started cleaning the flat, and is not sitting in the middle of her dressing room, fag in hand, trying to revive some outfit that she dreamt up when she was 14! A usual state of affairs that you may find her in on a saturday, late afternoon. If I could say one bad thing about Jodie, is that: If she tells you to be round at 9 0'clock to go out... You know it really means 10! Everytime I arrive at the house, my heart sinks when I walk into the dressing room, and there she is.. Fag in hand, rummaging around on the floor for an old bit of sparkly lipgloss, a false eyelash and some old high heel! Bless her! Believe me, if that girl isn't in the process of hanging up the hundreds of outfits that are currently lying on the floor.. she'll be feeling the wrath of the school teacher! Until she feeds me some excuse I suppose!
Anyway, I'm sure she'll be filling you in later on all of the news from the weekend. We're off to a fireworks party tonight, then back down to Sugar Hut to drink and dance our heels off. Have a pleasant evening. And remember kids.. Fireworks are NOT toys!
Byeeeeeeeeeee!
Lauren
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