Have I heard the FUNNIEST thing today or what? Seriously me and my mates can't stop laughing. My sides have nearly split and my cheeks hurt.
Ok - you all know how ugly Dave Boil is?? You saw the big fat red boiled head on him in Ok mag. You have all messaged me on Myspace (even when I was still with the ponce to say "you can do 200 times better than him") and you have all had a good laugh at him, right? We all knew he would go and sell a story - he's the same as all the other no-good losers I've been out with. Bottom line is that he's a penniless, car-less nobody who saw pound signs in his eyes when I took a shine to him (what on EARTH was I thinking? God I must not have had my contact lenses in for a month) and we all know (and even people who don't even like me know this) that he is a story-selling nobody with nothing to offer (other than to bleat on for the rest of his life that he went out with me for all of 4 weeks). So......... get this.......... Hang on.... Let me stop laughing enough to type it.........
He has approached Max Clifford to ask him to "represent him" (for anyone who doesn't know, Max Cliffford is a "celebrity agent"). This week, Dave has approached More mag and Ok Mag (amongst others) asking if they want "his story" - ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha. What story??? That he went out with ME for 4 weeks. The weirdo honestly thinks he's now a celeb and that people want to hear "his story" - whatever that may be (we all know he is having to make stuff up about me as he has NOTHING to say other than "she was the perfect girlfriend and I ponced all her money and then cheated on her".
I am laughing really hard about this but it is also (on a serious level) quite scary. It's scary because the freak honestly believes he is now famous and that people are interested in him. He's an ugly jobless twat from Brentwood with nothing to offer anyone! Who on earth would be interested in him? It is scary how deluded a person can be and it is scary how wrong I was about him. I honestly thought he was quite normal - ha! He's the weirdest person I think I've ever come across in my life! In my eyes he is on the level of serial killer scary ie. deluded to the point that he's probably clinically insane!
I can just see it now NEWSFLASH: "Dave the Boil earns more than £50 a month at long last" or "Boiled Dave runs out of cat food - again!" or even "Dave Boil in Brentwood Sainsburys Shocker" ha ha ha - that's obviously my interpretation of what the headlines might write about him (now that he's an "A list" celeb of course) ha ha. Next he'll be in the "spotted" section of Heat magazine " Spotted - Dave Boil crying outside a pub in Brentwood cos he can't afford a cup of tea" or "Spotted - Dave Boil stealing clothes from outside Oxfam in Brentwood High Street".Yeah Dave - you are a celeb now! Ha ha ha.
I would just like to point out that any magazine who DOES run "his story" - I will NEVER work with you again. And I mean that in the nicest possible way...... The thing is - I know all you journalists read my website and therefore would have read the truth about Dave the Boil from my very own hand at this keyboard. Therefore if you still choose to run a story full of lies about me (which I will rubbish on here with the TRUTH - and I get 2 million hits a month) then I have NO desire to ever work with you again as you will be scamming the public into buying something that's not true. If you want MY story I will happily give it to you (if you give some money to one of my charities - which is mush better than putting it in the Boil's pocket - I'm calling the Tax man about him anyway since he won't declare his earnings from the newspaper story he sold). Right now I am gagged (ie. can't give you my story for a few weeks due a deal I have with a magazine) but after that you can have all the real gossip about how stinky he is, how he left his cat to starve for a week and how I got revenge on him (no one even knows the HALF of it yet, including Dave! Oh yeah - when I get revenge; I do it properly!).
As for Max Clifford; well if he had any sort of credibility WHATSOEVER as a celeb agent then would he sign up a twat nobody like Boil.... Erm, no. The next Justin Timberlake he ain't gonna be! ha ha. Seriously; I wonder what Dave said to him when he approached him: "hi, er, I went out with Jodie Marsh for 4 weeks and I want to be famous now. I can't do anything (although I ponced Jodie's money so I suppose I'm good at poncing - does that count for anything?); I'm not good-looking at all and my IQ is below zero but can you represent me?" Represent him doing WHAT? hee hee hee. My cheeks STILL hurt!
I'm not being nasty to those mags who might be considering doing a story with him. I don't care if people want to sell stories on me when they are TRUE. If a twat like Dave wants to make himself look like the loser he is publicly then let them! Good luck to them if they can live with the fact that they sold-out on someone who once cared deeply for them.
Dave, however, is a different kettle of fish all together. He doesn't have anything true or nasty to say about me so he is totally making it up. He cheated; I dumped him.... END OF. He should have walked away with a tiny shred of self-respect but he didn't. He honestly thinks he's got what it takes to be famous (although doing WHAT exactly I'll never know?!) and he is trying to get his face in as many magazines as possible. That's why I am saying now that I will not work for anyone who humours him. Contrary to what anyone might think; I don't need or particularly even want publicity. My money comes from all the TV shows I do. I have just finished presenting Living's big new show and I have been signed up to do more. I will always have a place in TV because I am professional, easy to work with, lots of fun, I give 200% to everything I do and I get the job done. I will happily give interviews to magazines when they ask because I have nothing to hide (and I am entertaining - I tell it like it is; which is why my fans love me). I just ask you to think about it before agreeing to do a story with this loser bloke. I'm pretty sure I'd sell more magazines than him. ha ha. I don't care what he has to say (as the 2 million a month who read my website know it is all total b*llocks) - I just don't want him having the satisfaction of making yet more money off my back (that he's not even declaring). Why should he? He cheated on ME. I did nothing wrong and now the scary deluded (serial killer level) weirdo thinks it is his right to be famous and to make money off my back. If Boil wants to give you a story about how amazing my family are (picking him up and dropping him off cos he doesn't drive or how they spent £200 on him at xmas and he didn't even get them a card or how they cooked for him when he couldn't afford to eat) or if he wants to give you a story about how amazing I am ie. paying for EVERTHING, even down to buying him a toothbrush cos he didn't have one or about how I tried to help find him a job or about how I was going to send my minder down to stay with him (and pay his wages) when he was getting death threats from his ex girlfriend's family or about how I took him in when he nowhere to stay or about how I sat and kissed him when he cried over the death threats or about how I cooked for him every night or about how I looked after his cat when he dumped it at mine and left him there without food or clean litter then FINE. Absolutely fine. Like I said; if his stories are true then by all means - run them! If not, if you choose to run a story full of lies, well then my opinion of you will drop and I will make sure that next time the Editor calls asking why I won't work with you, he/she knows that it's because you went against what I said on here. I know that sounds a bit like a threat but I promise it's not meant that way at all. Put yourself in my shoes and ask yourself; if your partner (you were going to marry) cheated on you and then tried to sell stories (full of lies) to all the people you normally work with - how would you feel? Yeah.... Erm... not good.
While we're on the subject of outing people: I'd just like to point out to the Ed of Heat mag that the recent spread you did on Jordan and Peter (the joke one with her on the toilet and with dog sh*t on the floor etc) was MY idea. I know Jo Carnegie probably tried to pass it off as her own but I gave her the idea for every single one of those pics and then she stole it and used it with Jordan. And if you want proof of that I have the emails I sent her with all the picture ideas on it. The toilet one, the dog sh*t one, the messy kitchen with food all over the place etc. Just so you know she's NOT that creative - it was my idea and she nicked it. Boy did we have a laugh over that one. I've got a belt at home that has an electronic screen on the front. You can program it to say whatever you want and the words scroll across the screen. While I was filming the Living TV show, the big bosses at Living said I should program it to say "Thieving C*nt" and then fed-ex it to her. Being a belt with those words on it; she would have known it was from me (I'm famous for belts and she is a thief). Lol. Love it. I should have done it but sometimes I'm just too nice for my own good
So..... enough about the Boil. Lets talk about Lashes.
Lashes stayed at mine again last night and he is on his way over here now as I type this. We had a really long deep chat last night. I can't quite work him out though. Here's why: He is by far the most affectionate bloke I've ever met. He doesn't stop hugging me, kissing me and touching me. I love it! He doesn't do it in a horrible creepy wet way and nor does he do it in an ownership way ie. to show everyone in the pub that HE is with me. He does it in a genuinely loving and caring way. Also, he's very "up for it" if you know what I mean He's always instigating the fun and on the surface it seems he can't enough of me. Perfect, no? Well, actually... no. That's my very problem... he seems too perfect! Something doesn't quite ring true. I know he can pull the birds all day long (his mates have even told me that) and yet he wants to see me all the time (not that I'm complaining). I don't know what he wants out of this; does he want long term or does he want a casual "f-buddy" kind of relationship. Ha ha - perhaps I should just ask him rather than writing about it on here?! I mean, he's booked to come to Cyprus with us but he hasn't done anything to try and impress me (ie. there hasn't been any "courting" as such). He impresses me enough with his personality and our chats and laughter and fun but other than that he's not really making the effort. Ha ha - sorry Lashes if you're reading this. You know me - I tell it like it is and I don't beat around the bush (what the f*ck is your surname all about?"). I know I've said all along that I don't want anything serious but the truth of it is that there isn't anyone else out there who I want to spend time with other than him - so that said it means I MUST really like him and want this to go somewhere?! Oh god - it's just a permanent brain ache! Lol. Why oh why is life so complicated? Or more to the point; why can't my brain just stop... just stop thinking full stop! I don't want to have these thoughts day after day! I want to just have fun. Being clever is a curse; I swear!
Anyway, I'm not going to question it anymore for now. I'm just going to enjoy the hugs and kisses he is going to give me when he gets here. What girl wouldn't enjoy being hugged and kissed by a devastatingly drop-dead gorgeous man?! My mate Jenna is here, Lauren has gone to get Lashes from the station for me and they will be here in the next ten minutes, Stiffy is on his way over with a take-away for us all and Alex is coming to do mine and Jenna's hair tonight. Jordan has just got here too so I've got a right houseful tonight. Lucky girl! I can't ever have enough people at mine - it's a mad house and I love it. I haven't put any make-up on today and I'm sitting here in rolled up jeans and a grey Mickey Mouse t-shirt. I need to go and spruce myself up a bit before Lashes gets here!!!! We've taken to lying in bed at night chatting and staring into each other's eyes (whilst sexily grinning at each other). It's really nice. Hope you're all having a good week and that you haven't got ugly boyfriends cheating on you!
Loads and loads of love Jodie x x x
P.S What goes around comes around - remember that Boil. I ain't finished with you yet
P.P.S I really mean it about not working with magazines who print Dave's story of lies. If you want the truth I'll give it to you. If he had anything true or real to say then I wouldn't be bothered (or if he actually worked to earn money rather than poncing off me and making yet more off my back) but he doesn't. Don't encourage this scary man! It's enough that a twat like Abi Titmus can get famous just from selling stories on John Leslie (and Dave isn't half as attractive as Abi - or as talented in the bedroom. Lol). Plus, of course there's always the fact that I have proof of all the things he's lying about (ie. I have pictures of us together all over Christmas although he is claiming to have dumped me before Christmas). In other words; considering I have PROOF, I might end up suing you like I am the People newspaper for printing a stack of lies. I do love it when I have video and photo evidence! Shame Dave and the People didn't think about that before they printed the lies.............
P.P.P.S my myspace is www.myspace.com/youwishiwasyourbird and to buy my calendar go to www.officialcalendars.com
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