Ok, so back to my life and what's been going on. Last night I was supposed to go to a black tie Ball with Rick Parfitt. When I said "yes" to being his date, I totally forgot that I had already told Kyle I would go to a party he was having in London the same night. By the time I realised both events were the same night it was too late to pull out of either. Sarah and Lauren were coming with me to Kyle's Red and Black themed party and the seating was organised at the Ball for me to be on a table with the vice-president of Chelsea FC and others. I managed to sort it that I would drive to the Hilton to meet Rick for the Ball and then Sarah and Lauren would get the train to London together to go straight to the Red and Black party and that Rick and I would meet them there later on. Lovely.
Of course, you know that nothing can ever be easy in my life though so something had to go wrong. That something was: Lauren got ill. She texted saying she had a headache and wouldn't be going out. That left me with the dilemma of: do I cancel the Ball to take Sarah out and go to Kyle's party (both of which are two of my best friends) but that would mean leaving poor Rick with an empty seat beside him, or do I cancel the party, blowing out two of my best friends and leaving Sarah sitting in on her own on a Saturday night?! I didn't want Sarah getting the train to London on her own at 11pm on a Saturday night (no girl in her right mind should be doing that!) and she didn't want to anyway. In the end I spent 2 hours ringing round everyone I knew trying to find someone without plans (yeah right - who doesn't already have plans on a Saturday night?) to go with Sarah. No joy. Eventually we decided that I would take Sarah to London with me, I would drop her at Kyle's house for a few hours while I went to the Ball with Rick and then I would meet them both later on at the party.
I started to get ready and at that point my mum, dad, aunt and uncle turned up at my house for a coffee and chat. I showed them various outfits I could wear to the Ball and they said "no" to all of them. They said I had to wear a floor-length gown (of which I do own three but none of which I like) and the other outfits were too "Jodie-ish". I wanted to wear a floor-length tutu and corset but they said it was too over the top. The vein in my forehead was already pumping from the stress of Lauren being ill and trying to find a way to not let anyone down, so by this point I felt like stabbing myself in the eyeball with a blunt fork would have been less painful. Rick had been stressing about what I was going to wear (don't invite me if you think I'm going to embarrass you! ha ha) and I ended up sitting on my dressing room floor thinking "I don't want to wear some posh frock and act like a ladeeee all night!" - I'm a God damn tom-boy and I can't change that. I like eating with my hands.........
Anyway, it got later and later and I was still dithering over what to wear. I'd had about four rows on text with various people who were harassing me and it was while standing looking in the mirror wearing a black corset with suspender straps hanging from it and a baby pink floor-length ballerina tutu, I realised I'd have to cancel. If I was still going to make it in time I had to leave in 45 minutes and I hadn't even started on my hair and make-up. It just wasn't going to happen. I called Rick sheepishly and begged his forgiveness and then collapsed on the sofa (by which time Sarah was at mine). That's when we watched the "setting an example to the nation" adverts.
We decided (after long rants about people in general and further discussion about men being cheats and pigs) that we would still go to the Red and Black Ball. I let Kyle know that we would pick him up at 11pm and we went to get ready. Kyle had told me it was going to be like his birthday party a few years ago (full of trannies, drag-queens, fetish and bondage wear). He said the more outrageous the better so I wore red and black knickers and bra with black fishnet stockings, a suspender belt, handcuffs and a black top hat with a giant red stain bow on the back. Sarah wore a tiny black tutu with red fishnets and red hat. We drove to London, got Kyle, drove to the club and spent the next hour driving round looking for a parking space. By the time we got in the club it was 12.30am. We walked in to be greeted by a load of jumper and jean-wearing public school boys. Nice. Me and Sarah looked like strippers that had turned up to entertain a man on his stag night! The only other people actually wearing red and black were 5 of our London mates but even they were dressed normally ie. black shirt, red tie or plain red dress etc. There's us looking like we'd stepped straight out of the Rocky Horror show with the whole club staring at us waiting to see if we were the entertainment and what we were going to do!
The club itself is underground (ie, no air whatsoever), it's packed to the point that you can't move and everyone is wearing jumpers and jeans and I even saw one girl with a satchel over her jumper-dress! We don't stand out at all..........
So there we were standing in a tunnel with no air, no space, no fit people (our worst nightmare); I say people cos I would have been just as happy to see a load of good-looking women all dressed in sexy outfits but no luck there either - we can't get to the bar to even get a drink, it's full-on nosebleed music (ie. techno drumbeat and nothing else), added to that the fire alarm is going off over the music, piercing our eardrums and making our heads feel like they're going to explode (to add to the nosebleed we already had). We're sweating just standing still (not that there was any room to dance anyway but bugger even trying cos we probably would have fainted due to lack of oxygen). And we look like a couple of hookers.
Other than that it was a really good club - gorgeous in fact, just too many people, not enough room and no fit men. I know I was being a diva and moaning bitch but give me a table of my own, a never -ending supply of vodka, room to dance, decent music and a few cheeky men to look at and that's my perfect night!! We're laughing now. It's been traumatic (just not being able to get a drink was bad enough without all the other problems!) I realised last night that I AM precious and that I don't even care. We lasted all of two hours in the club and then left to go home and have a cup of tea in our fishnets. Actually, the walking to the car, taking sexy pictures of each other in the underground car park (we always find a way to amuse ourselves) and the being harassed in the petrol station when we stopped to buy milk in bra and knickers was more fun than being in the club itself. We didn't stop laughing the whole way home and got into bed giggling with Paddy and Lyla.
This morning we have had tea and chocolate biscuits and we have yet again tried to analyse men (I don't know why we bother cos we're never going to get anywhere). We have laughed at all the funny things that happened last night and wondered could anything else have gone wrong?!
So I've finally agreed to go on a date with Ben Swayze. Remember him? He's the guy I snogged in Sugar Hut (and then passed out on his lap) a few weeks ago. All is good again and normality has been restored. Next time I want to dress up in stockings and knickers I will go to the Torture Garden where I'll fit in nicely. I even had a weirdo girl grab one of my boobs in the club. I can only assume she did it for a dare. I don't want random men grabbing my boobs so I certainly don't want weird screaming women doing it! I'm going to my mum's for a roast dinner (the highlight of my week) and then I am either going to lie on the sofa all night or I'll go out and get myself in a bad way to make up for last night. I'll let you know tomorrow which I choose.
It's been a good weekend. Friday night I was in Sugar Hut where I spent half of the night dancing on the stage in the main club room and the other half talking to friends. Jo from S Club Seven came out which was nice cos I hadn't seen her in ages and also my mate Kugan and the guy who played piano at the end of the night a while back (and we all had a sing-song). I wanted another sing-song Friday (cos the guy is a good pianist and plays all the Robbie and Elton John classics, which we love) but by the time the end of the night came I was throwing myself round the stage shouting for more while the DJ played Gnarls Barkley "Smiley Faces" - one of my favourite songs at the moment. I've had a strange but wonderful weekend. I hope you all had fun and made the most of it.
Loads of love Jodie smiley face Marsh x x x
P.S the HEAT magazine annual (hard-back book) is now out in shops to buy. I've got two whole pages in it. My section is a piss-take on how to do make-up. Basically it's a step by step guide starting with me bare-faced and looking like I've just got out of bed and it ends, well, just go and get it..... It's absolute quality and we haven't stopped laughing over it! I did the make-up myself - it hasn't been airbrushed or anything. What you see is real. The Heat team thought I was a really good sport for doing it but I LOVED it. I'll do anything for a laugh plus I got to go to town and make myself look as ridiculous as possible. I wish I could do silly jobs like that every day! It's mush more fun than taking yourself seriously! You've got to see it to see what I'm talking about. It's my favourite photoshoot EVER!!!!!!! Plus the Annual is full of fit male celebs with their tops off! It's great!
P.P.S Quote for the day: "I finally figured out the only reason to be alive is to enjoy it!" - Rita Mae Brown, US writer and social activist
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