4th February 2007

The BEST and most important blog I have ever written! A MUST-READ for EVERYONE!!!! I have met my match and found a hero! Make a cup of tea, sit down and prepare yourself for this blog.......... YOU WILL LOVE ME!!!!!


Right..... you are going to LOVE this. You are going to love ME and you are going to love my new man. His mum might not love it (and I'm truly sorry Mummy Lashes - maybe you shouldn't read on?!) but this is BY FAR the BEST story I am going to put on here in the whole history of my blog.... Sit down, get comfy and prepare yourself.................................

Let me start by asking you "What makes the perfect man?" Hmmmmmmn. Well, I'll tell you. The perfect man is one who doesn't smother you, who doesn't try to control you, who treats you like a princess, who looks after you and protects you. He's one who worships you but still has his own dreams and goals, one who works hard but knows how to party, one who has manners, respect, dignity and pride (in other words, all the things Dave Boil never had) and one who makes you laugh. He'll stimulate you mentally and physically, he'll stand up for what he believes in and he'll back down when he's wrong.

The perfect man is one who, when he loses a bet; sticks to his side of the deal. It's one who, when he loses a bet and the deal is that he gets a tattoo of YOUR choice if he loses; GOES THROUGH WITH IT........ The tattoo runs the whole length of his upper arm (from his shoulder to his elbow) and I repeat; it's a tattoo of YOUR CHOICE (ie. not his choice). It can say whatever you want it to and you choose the thing you feel most strongly about. The perfect man, well, he just goes and gets it; without complaint and without hesitation. The tattoo itself....... Well........ it says.......... (are you ready)..........(no - I REALLY mean ARE YOU READY?)......... the tattoo says "MEAT IS MURDER"!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Yes everyone, you read that right (maybe go back and read that paragraph again just so that it sinks in properly and you understand how huge this is).

Let me start from the beginning......

Friday night Lashes and I were in Dublin. I was working doing a P.A in a nightclub called Heaven (and very good it was too). We flew out early evening and I wasn't due to be at the club til 11.30pm. That meant we had loads of time to chill out in our luxury hotel room. We were lying on the bed watching TV and a news story came on about how people had been caught serving up Tiger meat in restaurants. We then got chatting about tigers and I said to Lashes "have you seen a tiger close up in recent years?" he said "no" and I said "they're massive! You don't realise how big they are" and I got up and showed him (using the bed as a prop) how long they were. The bed was 6ft wide and I worked out that the ones I had seen last year were at least 8ft long from head to bum (as they were another 2ft longer than the width of the bed). Lashes didn't believe me and said "no babe, there's no way they are that big!" whilst shaking his head. I insisted that they were and we then had a mini-argument about it for the next five minutes. It wasn't even that he didn't believe me; he just thought I was going mad and/or exaggerating. I kept on about it until I offered to bet him (I knew that I was right and that I couldn't lose). I said to him "name anything you want and I'll bet it" (thinking he would say "I bet you your car" or something similar). Instead of choosing something good to bet on (not that he would have won anyway so it didn't matter to me), he came out with the most ridiculous thing I have ever heard leave a man's lips (apart from "people who sell stories are the lowest of the low" from Dave Boil, who then went on to sell a story on me). He said "if I'm wrong about this, I will have whatever you want tattooed on my body". I asked him if he was sure and he said "yes" so we shook on it. I told him that if he lost the bet I wanted him to have "Meat is Murder" tattooed on his arm. Lashes then called a mate to get him to look up on the internet how big tigers can grow up to in length. His mate was on loudspeaker and as his mate said "they can grow up to 3.3m in length (way more than 8ft)", I saw Lashes sink down into the bed and cover his face.

Ironically, I had an appointment booked for 5.30pm the very next day at a tattooist to get a new one for myself. So...... we flew back from Dublin, arrived home at 4.30pm and drove straight to the tattooist (with Sarah and Stiffy in tow, who also had tattoos). Lashes now has (in the hugest black letters you've ever seen "MEAT IS MURDER" on his right arm. If anyone from PETA is reading this, I think he should be your new British ambassador! Jesus that is a lot of love for the animals right there!!!!! Can you believe it??? I am so proud of him that he went through with it (although still quite shocked that he did go through with it). Everyone in Brentwood thinks he is a legend for sticking to his side of the bet! He's going to become a vegetarian icon! Seriously, I think his face (and tattooed arm) should be on billboards for PETA. Even if you don't like what it says, the tattoo itself is gorgeous and looks wicked. It really suits him (and of course he is now a REAL man for having had one). Good on him; his first tattoo is a giant mo'fo' saying "Meat is Murder" - quality! Most people have a small Chinese symbol or star as their first (and it's always something they have chosen themselves) - not my Lashes though; he's got a full-on animal rights slogan and he's wearing it proudly! The funniest part of all? He's only been veggie for 3 days! God love him!

So, my friends. That is the perfect man right there. No pussy footing around with this one. Oh no. he just gets the job done and he gets it done properly. He lost a stupid and simple bet and he ends up with a tattoo of MY choice on his arm. It's not small and it's a hardcore vegetarian phrase MEAT IS MURDER people........ MEAT IS MURDER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Mummy Lashes if you are reading this I am truly sorry. I know you hate tattoos and I know even more so that you will hate what it actually says but one thing it proves about your son is that he's a real man, a man of his word and that he's not a wimp. He could have backed out at any point (he wasn't tied to the tattooist's chair - honest) but he didn't want to. Sorry, sorry and sorry again. The thing is (I'm desperately trying to cushion this for you!); it's only skin. It's like I say to my mum and dad when they say to me "don't you think you've got too many tattoos now" - my friend was burned in a car crash. He was burned so badly that he doesn't have ears, eyelids, lips or a nose anymore. He looks like Simon Weston (the guy from the Falklands). When anyone first sees him; it's really shocking but when you get to know him, you see past his burns. I don't even notice his burns anymore. In fact; he has been nothing but an inspiration to me (as he always lives his life to the fullest and doesn't care when people stare at him). His skin is burned beyond recognition. Well, my skin and Lashes' skin is healthy and nice but that's all is is; skin. One day we will be wrinkled and saggy (if we live that long) but more importantly; I would always hope that it doesn't matter what we look like on the outside anyway and that it's only what's on the inside that counts. I know you will still be annoyed at him (but don't shout at him too mush cos I know he's been putting off telling you for fear of what you'll say) but deep down, like I said; it's only skin. Does that make it any better? I hope so. Yikes. I really don't want to annoy Mummy Lashes!

Going back to Lashes and the new tattoo. If anyone wants to see it - there is a picture of it on my Myspace. www.myspace.com/youwishiwasyourbird

Go Lashes! You are the new Veggie hero! You are MY hero and you are the talk of Essex (and the rest of the world, when they read this tomorrow morning!). You are supporting "the cause" and you are speaking out for poor murdered animals all over the world. Never in my life have I been so in awe of someone and so shocked at the same time. My new boyfriend has had a tattoo the length of his arm saying "Meat is Murder" and all because of a stupid bet. How cool is he??? A million times cooler than Traci Bingham and Dennis Rodman I can tell you (who both did PETA campaigns and then didn't say a single word to Pete Burns in the BB house about his illegal fur coat! They just let me fight the battle on my own! The fake twats!)

I've had a great weekend. Dublin was excellent. Heaven is a top club and the people were all amazing. Yesterday we flew back and went straight to the tattooists (and my boyfriend became the new spokesperson and leader of all vegetarians). Then, last night a load of us went to Sugar Hut. We went because it was Fit Bod's "wetting the baby's head" party but we only lasted an hour. Let's just say there were some hideous people there that we didn't want to spend the night with and that other people were doing things they shouldn't have been doing. I felt bad leaving early cos I know that Fit Bod wasn't happy with me but I really couldn't stand it in there. Jordan was having a bit of a gathering at my mum's house so me, Lauren, Sarah, Stiffy and Lashes all went there and met up with Jord, Tony Trumpet, Jenna, V and Mark. We sat up til about 3am and then all crashed out.

Today about 25 of us have been in the pub all day and now me and Lashes are back at mine. Lashes is making us fruit smoothies with the blender and we are going to bed soon to watch a film. It's been a fab weekend and one that I will not forget in a hurry (and neither will Lashes). One thing he has learnt about me is that I don't say things if they aren't true (everyone knows I'm never wrong! Ha ha). If I say tigers can grow up to 8ft in length then it means that tigers CAN grow up to 8ft in length! Got it?!

Hope you all had as good (and as eventful) a weekend as me! What can I say? I think I've found THE perfect man! All my love to you people..... and remember............. MEAT IS MURDER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Also remember, don't have bets with me...... I don't bet unless I KNOW I'm right. A hard lesson learned by Lashes. Love you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Jodie

Xxxx

P.S Quote for the day: "Give peas a chance"

P.P.S 2nd quote for the day: "Fish have feelings too"

P.P.P.S 3rd Quote for the day: "MEAT IS MURDER"

P.P.P.P.S My new tattoo says "My Crazy Life!" - see it on Myspace www.myspace.com/youwishiwasyourbird - my minder Gary thought of it and I loved it! I was going to have "fearless" but I'll save that for next time. Thanks Gary for the new tat - I love it!

Mwah x x x x x x x