It is Sunday and I'm sat in Jodie Marsh's office in the same clothes I've had on for 4 months. As you will know, this is an 'in' joke with me and the Marshlett. By the way, this is Kyle, in case you didn't already know (Jodie's best friend, stylist and soul mate). We 've been friends for ten years and as she says in her book, our eyes met over a Body Shop lip liner. It was at the Ministry of Sound where we were hired as door dollies.
At the moment I'm recovering from a fabulous night we had at the Sugar Hut. I'm sat here at the moment trying to write this with Ricardo sat on my lap in thigh high silver boots! Jodie's mother has just come in and taken our food order as she has to cook Sunday lunch for 370 starving club kids (or 'hostages', as we like to be known). I'm still laughing over last night's events as Ricardo and I tried to get to Brentwood in the cab journey from hell. We got in the cab at Bethnal Green at 9pm and started gassing. At 10pm, I looked out of the window to see Canary Wharf still looming above me. After an hour's driving, we hadn't left the East End! The cab driver didn't have a clue where we were going and it took me all my strength to stop Lady Ricardo from whacking the driver across the head with the silver stiletto. The poor cab driver did not know what had hit him! Neither did the Sugar Hut when we finally arrived! As we all know, Lady Ricardo is outrageous and I too, am not exactly the most run-of-the-mill looking bloke! I've got a mass of long curly blonde hair. Jodie calls me the "curl on a stalk"!
By the looks of things, Jodie is gonna be my sister-in-law. Jordan, her brother goes out with my sister Karleigh, who when he first clamped eyes on her at fourteen years old, he vowed he would marry. Me and Jodie have been trying to engineer their get together for years, as another excuse for me and her to spend more time together! I absolutely adore Jodie's friendship and never feel we have enough time together (as I have to leave soon and I already have one leg tied to the chair!)
Sometimes I think if people were listening to mine and Jodie's conversation, you wouldn't have a clue what we are going on about. Our sense of humour is so childish and silly. We make up our own words and we have our own sign language that we use. Sometimes it's like we live in our own little world which has us cracking up with laughter. We know we're gonna end up two old spinsters living in a house over-run with animals, false eyelashes and wigs. Jodie is just like my living Barbie Doll, I'm absolutely obssessed with glamour and glamourous women so Jodie is my perfect best friend. Whatever I suggest, she's up for it. The last outfit I told her to wear to the playboy party was a combination of pajamas, the highest pink glitter stilettos in the world and 3 wigs piled on top of her head! JOY!!!!!!! That's my girl......
I've got something which no man could put a price on - for one of our photoshoots, I had to cover Jodie's naked body in tiny diamonds. It took an hour and a half to stick each one on individually. It's a hard job boys, but someone's gotta do it! Jodie's mother, who I adore, said to her "that's the only time you'll ever get Kyle feeling your boobs"! And by the way, have you seen Jodie's mother - she's gorgeous!
I absolutely love staying round at the Marsh's. I'm very close to them all, they make me feel like family. Me and Jodie are like two excited imps at the moment because we're going to be spending Christmas together. I truly love Jodie's friendship, and couldn't imagine life without her. In ten years of friendship, we've never even disagreed on something, let alone had an argument (although she does call all the people I fancy "trolls"!) Actually, funny story about that, we remembered last night that, years ago, I met someone who I told Jodie was "really nice, but a bit of a troll". Her reply was "Does he come with his own bridge?" Ha ha ha ha. We are now splitting our sides over this but you're probably wondering what we're on about......
Anyway, I'm gonna go now cos I've only got 4 hours left with Jodie until I've gotta go back to Bethnal Green to meet my sister. Hope you've all had as good a weekend as I have. I'll write again when I'm next here at Marsh Manors, now that Jodie has let me loose on the system, I'll be on it all the time!
See you
Kyle (professional wig-tickler)
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