I am sitting here in pain. My whole body aches. My arms hurt, my legs hurt, my bum hurts and mostly my stomach hurts. I have hair like green straw and I have dry skin. I have eaten nothing but fresh fruit and salad today. What's going on? I've joined a gym!!!!!!!!
Well, actually I haven't officially joined one yet. I'm going with Jenna (using her guest passes). We started today and My God did we over-do it!!! We did a load of cardio on the machines (til we were dripping sweat and panting like dogs), then we did weights (free weights and machine ones), then we did a load of floor exercises and stuff with big heavy balls and then we went for a swim and did millions of lengths. After that we sat in the Jacuzzi for a while (which is unlike me cos I'm slightly scared of Jacuzzis but more about that later). We then did a tour of all the gyms in Essex to see which one is the best. We are going to join the one we think is the best and we are going to go every day. I know that I won't be able to walk tomorrow but I am deadly serious about getting fit and toned and being more healthy.
What started all this (apart from the fact that I've wanted to do it for ages but could never be bothered) was that last night Jordan gave me a lecture. I was feeling a bit down. Nothing even to do with the man I liked (I'm already over him and talking dirty to some other fit bloke on MSN). It's really to do with being bored of going out. No, actually, let me rephrase that; I could never get bored of going out - I'm just bored of the places we go. Years ago the clubs used to be full of glamorous, outrageous people. Anyone who has read my book will know that I was dressing up in bras and knickers and going to Ministry of Sound at age 14!!! Back then it was all about happy house music and everyone went out to dance and get dressed up outrageously. These days every club is full of attitude, crap music and boring people.
The most fun I've had recently was when me and Sarah went to Manchester (everyone was dressed the same as us and HAVING IT to the music) and we had nothing but fights that night - says a lot really! The thing is that I dream of the day when clubbing gets good again; when it's NOT all about designer labels and standing around looking moody. I don't want to see men in too-high trousers and loafer shoes and I don't want to be the only person dancing on a table! I yearn for the good old days and I crave the madness that came with it.
Sorry; I've gone totally off the subject. So, Jordan was giving me a lecture about finding happiness in life (though my only problem is that there's no where good to go out) and he started ranting at me that I don't eat properly ( I live for chips, pizza and chocolate). He then ranted that I should get down a gym and get fit too! He said that he's worried about me (because of the crap I eat) and that he really wants me to sort it out. Normally when people rant at me I don't take the slightest bit of notice because I always do what I want to do (and if that means carry on eating chips then I will) but for some reason I listened, took it in and acted on it. Like I said - I've been in a gym all afternoon and worked my arse off!
Jordan has finally knocked some sense into me and I am now on a mission to get fit and toned and healthy. When I do something, I do it properly too so I'm not messing about. I don't think there's any point in doing something half-heartedly. If you're going to do it then put your heart and soul into it and make it work! In two months I am hoping to be so toned and fit that I can go out stark naked if I so wish and feel confident that my body is the best it can be!
My body is a temple and I will treat it that way! ha ha. I'm actually excited about this (even though I know that by tomorrow I won't actually be able to walk up and down the stairs). I feel like I have something to focus on and work at. Jordan has given me the motivation to want to do it and I am sooooo grateful to him for that. If he hadn't ranted at me the way he did last night then I probably would be sitting here now drinking a double espresso with 4 sugars in it and I would have eaten chips for dinner! Now though I want to get the most fit and toned I have ever been in my life! I want to have little biceps and a gentle 6-pack (not a bulging manly one) and I want to be able to hurt a man by squeezing him with my thighs. At the moment they are soft and squidgey (and mush as I always tell myself they are "womanly" - I don't want it anymore!). I want to be a Goddess and I want a body like Pamela Anderson. Might even treat myself to a boob job while I'm at it!
Seriously though, I am turning over a whole new leaf and I am going to be the fittest bird in Essex. Most importantly, I am doing this for myself. I WANT to be fit and toned!
Enough gym talk (more tomorrow when I can't type due to aching). Let me explain my fear of Jacuzzis. It's actually more a fear of baths but since Jacuzzis are very similar I normally put them in the same category. The reason I hate baths (and will NEVER have one) is that they don't get you clean. You fill up a tub full of water and then "clean" yourself, only to sit there in your own dirty water! What's that all about? It's madness! Plus, I don't get the whole sitting in water thing anyway. People tell me it's relaxing but I just don't see it. Whenever I've attempted to have a bath before (occasionally when I'm ill my mum runs me a bath and forces me to get in it), I get in, the water is normally too hot (and burns me) and then I get all red and flushed and bothered straight away. Once I do get over the heat (and horrid feeling of sweating while underwater), I look down at my naked body under the water and think "what now?" I can't just lie there. I drum my fingers on the side and try humming a song. Nothing. I'm still bored. I last precisely one minute before I get out with the hump, too hot (and flushed) and covered in annoying bubbles. It's all about having showers! You can get it just the right temperature. You don't have to wait for it to fill up. You don't get bored (cos you get out as soon as you have washed & shaved plus: do you have ANY idea of how mush fun you can have with a shower head?). Your dirty water runs straight down the plug hole, you are constantly blasted with clean water and you don't have to wait half an hour for it to be ready! Turn it on and get in! I just don't understand baths (I have been known to dump boyfriends who have them as I can't cope with the thought of them sitting in a bath). Showers are the way forward and you KNOW I'm right! Ha ha.
So you see, that's why Jacuzzis freak me out a little bit too. That said; I did really enjoy it today. It seemed to take some of the aching away after the heavy work-out and it felt nice (though that might have just been the hard water jets spraying dangerously close to my erogenous zones that felt nice).
I can't wait til tomorrow now. Today we had a personal trainer taking us through the machines and forcing us to do "another ten minutes!" He was great but tomorrow we have got a fit male friend of ours coming to give us a work-out. We are going to have such a giggle!
I am craving a Dairy Milk right now but I will not give in to temptation. I'm not going to totally deprive myself of nice things but I will definitely be cutting down on all the crap. Start as you mean to go on Marsh (oh I forgot.... I have.... Within 2 minutes of talking to the fit bloke on MSN, we were talking absolute filth! Ha ha). The guy I was talking to is MEGA fit - I told you that I now have the guts to go for men who I normally think "out of my league" didn't I?! Thanks to a man who messed me around (nothing new there then) and who didn't even have the guts to say to my face that he didn't really like me; I have overcome my only fear in life (sickeningly beautiful men). They say everything happens for a reason and I now know that the reason I met beautiful man number 1 (who did nothing but lead me on and mess me about) was clearly to help me get over my fear of perfect-looking men. I'm off full-steam ahead now. I don't think ANYONE is out of my league now and I'm using this new confidence to it's full advantage (hence chatting for two hours last night to a man who is even more beautiful than the first one). I've met the guy once before but was too scared to even look into his eyes (for fear of losing my soul in them somewhere). Last night though, within 2 minutes of being on MSN together, we were talking about shagging on top of buildings (don't ask!) and wearing gimp masks. Don't be shy! Ha ha.
To be honest; I don't even really care if anything happens with this guy. It's nice to just flirt (and get attention from a male supermodel!). For now the only thing I have love for is the gym (apart from my family, friends and pets of course). Men are not high on my list of priorities. I don't want one and I don't need one. It's lovely to have a good old flirt and to talk dirty with someone (who is as gone in the head as me) but other than that I just want to concentrate on myself (which means NOT getting involved with another wrong man). MSN man is gorgeous but even more hyper, thrill-seeking and nuts than me. Flirting is fine but relationship? A definite no-no! F*ck buddy for the future? Maybe...... I'll let you know what happens - or maybe I won't
I am going to go and lie on the sofa with Paddy and Lyla now. In two days time my body will hurt too mush to do anything at all really. I just want to get the first week out of the way as quietly and painlessly as I can; then I will be able to live normally again. Whenever I start at a gym, I ache so mush in the first week that I struggle to even get in and out of bed! I'm dreading the pain I will be in over the next three days but I know that it's working if it REALLY hurts! I'm excited and hyper and feeling great! I have non-stop meetings about TV shows this week and next. Life is once again mad, happy and at the same time; calm!
Remember my TV show "Get a Life" is on tomorrow night (Thursday night, 8pm on Living TV). Watch it because from tomorrow's episode it starts to get nuts! Lots of drama and tension - I can't wait to see it! I know what happens obviously (I filmed it in December) but I still can't wait to actually see it. I know it's going to be really good!
All my love Jodie x x x x
P.S Quote for the day: "Everyone else my age is an adult, whereas I am merely in disguise" Margaret Atwood
P.P.S Second quote for the day: "I may not be perfect, but parts of me are excellent." Ashleigh Brilliant
P.P.P.S my Myspace is www.myspace.com/youwishiwasyourbird
P.P.P.P.S Watch Get a Life on Living TV, Thursdays at 8pm! Especially watch it if you lack confidence, self-esteem, assurance, style, bravery or courage!
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