Just going to do a quick little blogeroo cos I am supposed to be tidying my house. I've taken down the two Christmas trees (and Jord put them in the loft for me) and I have already managed to fill up 4 black bin-bags of Christmas rubbish! How on earth do I accumulate so mush crap?! Dave is DJ-ing tonight (perfect opportunity to clean the house while there's no one here)! The thing is; I get distracted so quickly! I've come to realise that my attention span is the shortest in the world and therefore that makes me incapable of cleaning anything properly. I get started and then something more interesting takes my attention (like; for the last hour I have been reading a book I found that I was half way through). Karolina came over and helped me take the trees down though so at least that is done.
I think actually I am going to give up on the house for tonight and I'm going to get in bed with Paddy and Lyla and watch a film. My whole body still aches from all the silly games we played over the weekend (and from dancing on people's shoulders) and from ice-skating. In fact; one of my Christmas presents from Jord was a full body massage so I might look into getting that very soon. Can't beat a full body massage! I'd have one every day if I could!
Earlier on I read back over a few of my old blogs. God I'm funny! ha ha. It's so entertaining reading them. Most of them I don't even remember writing. I think it's because I write on the spur of the moment; I mean, none of my blogs are ever planned - I just write what I'm thinking about that very minute. It sure makes for amusing reading. Blimey - I can be a real vicious cow when I want to be too! Ha ha. I wouldn't wanna get on the wrong side of me! Mind you, everyone I've ever bitched about has fully deserved it and I don't regret anything I've ever said. I especially like all the blogs that my mates wrote for me while I was in the Big Brother house. My mates are absolutely amazing! I also like all the blogs where Sarah and Stevie were at Marsh Manors (practically living with me) - those were the days! I wish they both still lived in Brentwood! L Anyway, just thought I'd share with you how mush I have entertained myself today. "Thanks for that Marshy - top notch comedy"...... "That's ok Jode! Glad you liked it!" - Sorry - just talking to myself there. God the thought of more cleaning is sending me mad!
One thing I did notice though on reading old blogs is how happy I am now. Not that I wasn't happy before but I can tell from the way I wrote back then that I wasn't quite so settled and content. Now I'm like a different person. I'm so balanced and stable. Don't worry; I'll still have rants (loads of people on Myspace said they loved my ranting blogs the best) but I just feel so calm and peaceful inside. It's like; no one can hurt me anymore. One blog I read actually make me gasp aloud (it was one about crying over Dimples). I mean..... hilarious!!! Why on earth would I cry over some twat bloke that I've only been with a few weeks? Is he worth my tears? NO! Was he ever going to last with me? NO! Why Jodie why?? I can't believe I ever cried over him. You see; there's the difference. I really don't think I would ever cry over a man again (unless he died I suppose, sorry - that sounded a bit harsh - I didn't mean that to sound harsh - just - oh you know what I mean!). I think it was sitting at the top of a mountain in Italy on my own that did it you know! I truly found myself! It's like I realised what's really important in life and what's not. Now I just want fun 200% of the time and no silly man will ever make me cry again. Dave's good as gold - he hasn't upset me at all; I just mean that even if he did (or tried to), I don't think I would be bothered. I'm not saying I've got no feelings or emotions; it's weird, I don't really know what I'm trying to say actually...... hang on....... Ok - it's like I KNOW what I'm worth now and I would never let a man make me feel anything less than that. It is as I said before - I truly found myself. And you know what? It's such a GREAT feeling. To really know yourself and love yourself is amazing. I feel proud of everything I've achieved already and I feel loved even when I'm alone. That is the best thing ever. Take, for example, my Myspace. You can have up to 100 pictures in your gallery and I have 100. When I look at them; I think "yeah Jodie!" - I KNOW I've lived my life to the full, I've done some crazy things and I've loved every God damn minute of it! The 100 pictures I have kind of sum up my life; who and what I love and how crazy it is. The only thing missing from it is a nice one of my mum and dad but that's because they both hate having their picture taken and moan whenever I put one of them on anything! I will sneak one on soon though!
I know there are so many people out there who maybe feel sad or miserable or lonely and I myself have felt all of those things. I wish I could share with you the key to getting over feeling like that but I can't. All I can tell you is it took me years of soul-searching and self-analysis to feel the way I do now. Maybe one day I'll write a series of self-help books (when I sit down and truly work out how I got over all the years of torment and misery) and maybe one day there will be a tried and tested formula for "finding" yourself. I know that a lot of my pain came from really big things like Kim being killed and being bullied at school but even as an adult with a great career, I still let freaks (like the ones who write about me on internet forums) bother me. I let all the abuse bother me in fact. Now though I honestly couldn't care less what people say or think about me. I even find it amusing that I am such a source of conversation (and clearly so important) to all the freaks; I hope they carry on writing and talking about me forever. It means I'm highly bloody interesting (which is more than they can say about themselves). If someone who has never met me wants to chat about me all day long to someone else that has never met me then heck, I'm HOT! I don't care if they're saying I'm ugly or a slag or whatever, cos the bottom line is this: I must be of huge importance for them to get so angry over me in the first place. If I meant nothing to them, then they wouldn't talk about me full stop would they?! See - I love it! I love myself and I love life! God - someone wipe this grin off my face! I have the answers! Thank you God, I have the answers! It's taken me 28 years to find them but I have and now I will go out and do the best job I can and I will love and be loved and sweet Lord I will laugh! J
So, sitting here in a house in Brentwood; I have discovered the secret to my very soul. It is a joy to be alive and a joy to be me! Keep writing to me on Myspace and make sure you watch all the videos in the gallery (as well as on the profile page - there's different ones in the gallery). For the 9,000th time; don't be offended if I don't reply - 50,000 messages is just way too many to even contemplate replying to. I will, however, use any good quotes on here that you feel like sending me and I will post all your comments (as long as they are nice). In 50,000 messages, I've only had 2 horrible ones (not bad!) and I've blocked those 2 users from contacting me. You can't moan at that! Two horrid ones from that many! That's a heck of a lot of love people and I love you back (more than all the blades of grass in the world - and THAT'S a lot!).
Lyla is now standing looking at me with her tongue hanging out (it's too long for her mouth so she nearly always has it hanging out) so I am going to go and give her cuddles in bed while I watch "You, Me and Dupree". Have a great Wednesday and I'll write again tomorrow!
Jodie x x x x
P.S Quote for the day: "Be glad of life because it gives you the chance to love and to work and to play and to look up at the stars" Henry Van Dyck US Poet
P.P.S www.myspace.com/youwishiwasyourbird for pics and videos of me and www.officialcalendars.com for my naked breasts.
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