My c*nt of an ex boyfriend has sold a story on me; like all the other losers before him. Skint, no pride, lying, shit-in-bed, gutless, ugly twat!
Why oh why do I trust people??? Will someone slap me round the face the next time I'm "in love" and tell me not to let him anywhere near me! Pleeeeeease.
If the c*nt needed the money that mush I would have just given it to him. Anyway, the story is going in a rag newspaper tomorrow and here's what he's said:
The twat has said that HE dumped ME before Christmas. Funny then that he spent the whole of Christmas with me (and I have the photos to prove it). Funny also that he came ice skating with me the day before New Year's Eve (and again I have pictures). No Dave Boil (which is what your name should be; due to your big red boiled head), I dumped you on my website for the whole world to see AFTER you cheated on me.
The twat has also said that I was drunk the whole time I was with him. Ok, I went on a bender over Christmas; who the f*ck doesn't. But for the first 4 weeks we were together I was filming every single day. I was getting up at 5am and not getting home til sometimes as late as 2am. I was presenting a new show called Get a Life (somehow very appropriate name for Dave the Boil). I worked pretty mush 7 days a week for a month. I worked my arse off. In fact, the commissioning editors at Living said that they had NEVER known a celeb work so hard or be so professional!
Ugly has also said that I stayed in bed all day, that I didn't get up and that I didn't even wash! Ok, how does that ring true when, like I said above, I was working EVERY single day?? Mmmmmmmn - could he be any more desperate for money? He's having to lie through his teeth about me to sell a story because the truth of it is that he doesn't have anything bad to say about me.
The man who couldn't last longer than 5 minutes in bed has even had the cheek to say that I am sh*t in bed. Erm..... yeah, ok. Funny then that I have been nicknamed "Human Viagra" and every loser boyfriend (bar one who couldn't get an erection) that has sold a story on me has said I'm the best lover they've ever had! Dave YOU are so crap in bed (and smell so bad) that I didn't want sex with you. I have the highest sex drive in the world and constantly had to pleasure myself when you weren't around cos I couldn't bear the thought of having it with you. Your BO really needs sorting babe. I know I've got a weird fetish about the smell of men's armpits (which I've admitted on here before) but yours isn't just a nice manly smell; it's a full on nasal attack. You stink to high heaven of stale BO. It's rank.
When I saw the pictures in OK magazine I was actually embarrassed that you looked so red and ugly and rough. My mates all took the piss out of me saying "why is he so red?" and laughing that your head looks like it's been "boiled". Ha ha ha ha. Nice one. And when I think back to how excited you were to be in the magazine. What a prick. Bet you regretted those pics after. I know I did! I looked alright and Paddy and Lyla looked amazing but you? F*cking hideous.
You are a very desperate and sad little man Dave Boil. You want to be famous (and you never will be). You thought that after the OK spread you'd be recognised and be on the path to stardom yourself - that's what you said isn't it?? You also said "when the mag comes out I'll probably get loads of people stopping me on the street won't I?" I had to hold my laughter in. You're a nobody and always will be. You will never again in your life (after this story you've sold) be in a paper or magazine. That's the truth of it. You were only in OK mag cos you were with me. That's right - ME - the famous, rich, successful one. All the things you will NEVER be. Record Producer - ha ha. What a joke. You sit on your arse all day long playing on the internet. In all the time I spent with you I NEVER saw you do a days work. In fact, the studio your mate rents (that you pretend to work at) doesn't have internet - you only have it at home and every single time I log into Myspace (no matter what time of day or night) you are online. Clearly you don't ever leave your house.
You are so skint (and such a loser) that Christmas Day when we went to see your family; I was totally embarrassed of you. You didn't buy any presents for your family (other than a cheap knocked off bottle of perfume for your mum which you hadn't even wrapped). I bought presents for your nephews (who I'd never even met) because YOU didn't. I didn't want to turn up empty handed. You're a disgrace. My mum spent about £200 on you and you didn't even get her a card. It was actually Christmas Day that I started to wonder if you had any decency at all. I started to wonder if I'd made a mistake. What sort of man doesn't even buy presents for his family on Christmas. And while we're on that train of thought; what sort of man doesn't drive?? That just says it all; 29 years old and never learnt to drive? Jesus what was I thinking?!
The truth is this Dave Boil. You have NOTHING bad to say about me. I was the perfect girlfriend to you. I paid for EVERYTHING in our relationship because you had no money. You weren't even embarrassed about that either. You happily let me take you out to dinner every night and foot all the bills. Not only did I pay for everything but I let you move into my house when your freaky ex girlfriend trashed your flat and stole everything out of it. You didn't even have a sofa to sit on. Then, after Christmas; I didn't see you for a few days but you left your cat at mine. When the cat food ran out I phoned you to tell you that there was no food and it took you another three days to go and get some and bring it round. I told you that I would have to feed the cat with dog food (which of course I wouldn't - I just wanted to give you a kick up the butt to do something) and STILL you didn't bring any food for him. His litter tray needed cleaning out and again I phoned you to ask you to come and sort it and you didn't come. If I hadn't been here then that poor cat would have been left with no food and a dirty litter tray. That is cruelty to animals David. Mind you, giving a male cat the name "Beau" is surely also cruelty to animals, no?!
You are a poncing, no good, wannabe famous, embarrassment of a man Dave Boil. To now go and sell a story based on nothing but lies (because you have nothing bad to say about me) just shows how low and lacking in pride you are. You cheated on me and I found out. You could have just walked away with dignity but no.... you have sold a story because you need the money. You have had to lie to sell a story because you actually have nothing to say other than "I, Dave Doyle am a cheating w*nker and Jodie was the perfect girlfriend". You are the lowest of the low and I hope you rot in Hell with Pete Burns, Michael Barrymore, Fran Cosgrave and Jade Goody.
Just remember Boil, what goes around comes around. You'll get your comeuppance. One way or another all these lies will come back and bite you. You will never be a success in life - you can't even drive a car for f*cks sake! On Christmas morning I called you to ask what time you were coming over and you said "but how will I get there?" I was tempted to scream "CAB? WALK? CYCLE?" - you sounded like a child! What the hell do I care how you get there? What you meant was "will you come and pick me up?" but you didn't even have the balls to say that. You whined "how will I get there?" like the dependant burden child that you are.
Well, I hope your mum and friends are proud of you for selling a story full of lies. They are probably all either highly embarrassed of you or are laughing at you behind your back. Nobody with even a shred of pride, self-respect or dignity sells stories on other people (and especially not on other people who have done nothing wrong). I bet your mates are all calling you a w*nker behind your back. In fact, they were calling you that even when we were together because of the way you bragged about being in OK mag and told everyone this was the start of you "being famous".
Good riddance to you Boil. You are finished. Tomorrow is the last time you will see yourself in a paper so make the most out of the fact that you are now known as the loser ex of Jodie Marsh who sold a story on her to make a quick buck (or so that he could afford to eat). You are even more of a prick than I ever imagined a bloke could be.... And I can honestly say I have NEVER in all my life known anyone to have so little respect for themselves and to not even be embarrassed of that. You're skint, you don't drive, you don't even work. You're a freak that sits on Myspace all day long talking about me. I'm embarrassed for you - even if you're not embarrassed for yourself.
Now - to all my amazing fans (who make me smile every day) - please don't worry about me. I'm fine; in fact I am the happiest I've ever been right now. I have written a TV show which is being taken to MTV America because they want to commission it. My new show Get a Life is out on the 1st March on Living TV (I am presenting it), I have just been asked to do another prime time show for ITV and I have been in for a screen test for another presenting job for ITV. Things could not be better for me! As you probably all saw; I was on TV every day this week and have not stopped working. I'm doing about ten radio shows a day and running round promoting the Living show.
Last night twenty of us went to China Whites and had a mad one. Eight people stayed at mine when we got back at 5am and I was woken up this morning to my mate bringing me (and a bloke) breakfast in bed. Lovely! How cool are my mates?!
I'm off to look at the photos from last night now. After that I'm going for coffee with my new play mate and we are going to spend the afternoon cuddling on the sofa watching TV.
Have a great weekend folks. If you see Dave Boil out then give him a hug from me; he needs one because he's got such a sh*t life...................
X x x x x
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