18th February 2007

I'm in LOVE, I have seen what Heaven is like and you NEED to read this blog! All my dreams have come true and I have NEVER been this happy!!!!!!!

Right.... OH MY GOD...... have I had the best weekend of my whole life EVER or what? Do I want to marry Lashes??? Er.... Yeah! Is he the most perfect man in the world? Yep! Did he give me the best present for Valentine's Day I've ever had? YES YES YES YES YES!!!!!!!!!

Let me start with Friday night. Because of my stalkers in Brentwood we have all decided not to go out there any more (at least for a while anyway) so Friday night we all went to a hotel a fair distance away. There was me, Sarah, Stiffy, Jord, V and Jenna. We went there for a meal and then me and Sarah came back to mine to meet Lashes (leaving the others to go and get drunk). Saturday was my Valentine's treat from Lashes and he had told me that we would need to be up at 7am so I didn't want too late a night. That said, me and Sarah sat waffling and still didn't get to bed til about 3am. I got up at 7am Saturday morning. All I knew was that I needed to wear casual clothes and to take my camera and lots of spare memory cards for it. I had forced Stiffy to tell Sarah what Lashes had organised for me (cos I wanted to know what to wear and only a girl can give an honest answer!).

We got in the car and 3 hours later we were at Monkey World in Dorset. Avid readers of this blog will know that when the TV show Monkey Business (filmed entirely at Monkey World) was on TV; I was totally obsessed with it. Not only are monkey's my favourite type of animal (with Orangutans being my number 1 favourite animal in the world) but I was blown away by Jim and Alison (the owners) and all the staff. Their dedication and hard work for the animals is truly amazing. They are all my heroes. For the whole time the show was on TV I talked non stop about it and made everyone I know watch it with me. I recorded every episode and watched them on repeat to the point that I knew every chimp and orangutan by name. When one of the chimps "Rodney" died, I cried for 2 days (you have to understand how obsessed I am!). It has been my dream to go to Monkey World ever since but the only reason I have never organised it and gone is that I didn't want to just go as a normal visitor. I wanted to go as a "celeb", so to speak; I wanted to meet the staff, maybe even meet one of the animals (please God, if only?!) and also try and get involved with helping them ie. fund-raising or raising awareness. I wanted to go and to have them know just how mush I love them and support them. I know I sound like a mad fan but that's EXACTLY what I am. I am the BIGGEST fan of the show and of the work they all do at the rescue centre.

Anyone who knows anything about me would also know that it's my dream to eventually have my own animal rescue centre (something I WILL do one day). So..... you can imagine already how excited I was when we arrived at Monkey World. Lashes told me that they knew we were coming, that we were going to get a guided tour, that some press were going to be there to photograph it and that I might get to feed an orangutan. Well.... of course, by this point I was nearly wetting myself with excitement and very nearly hyperventilating! I didn't for a second believe that I would actually get to feed an orangutan though. It has been my biggest dream for all my life to meet an orangutan. It's something that I knew would happen one day but not something I thought Lashes could pull off for me!!! I have had plans for years to eventually go and work on an orangutan reserve in Indonesia but that is still a way off yet (as I want to concentrate on getting my career exactly where I want it first and then do all the things I dream of doing later).

Anyway, cut a long story short; a guy called Mike meets us in the staff car park and I nearly faint! I'm his biggest fan! I've met Tom Cruise, Robbie Williams, Van Morrison, Chuck Berry and Paul Weller and I can honestly say I was more star-struck meeting Mike than any of the above. I watched him on the TV show, I saw how amazing he was with the animals and I saw his devotion and dedication. I worship him and all the staff there for what they do. I was grinning from ear to ear already (and had a nervous sick feeling in the pit of my stomach from being over-excited) then Mike says "We've just got to meet the journalist and photographer and then we'll go and meet the baby orang." At this point I turned to Lashes (Mike went off to find the journalist) and I said "babe, I won't cope with it! I'm going to cry! There's no way I can cope with meeting a baby!" I'm thinking to myself "Sh*t, I'm going to faint!" - you've got to understand that this has been my life-long dream!!!!!! I still don't fully believe what I'm hearing anyway and I'm thinking that at some point Mike will say "you can't touch her or get close but you can look at her through some glass" or something. Five minutes later Mike is back with the journalist and photographer (Lashes has swung it for me to meet the baby orangutan and said "yes" to having press there as he knew I wouldn't mind! Hell; I'd have run round naked for the day if it meant meeting an orangutan!).

Mike then takes us to a house. We go in and put our coats down and nothing (I mean NOTHING) prepares me for what I then see. As we walk into the bedroom, we turn the corner and lying snuggled in a blanket is a tiny baby orangutan. She's looking up at us with the biggest brown eyes. I immediately burst into floods of tears and start shaking. I physically can't control myself. I'm crying quietly because I don't want to scare her but all the same I am sobbing! Lashes is totally gob-smacked too and keeps just repeating "Oh my God! How cute?" The journalist and photographer hung back (I think they realised at that point how special this was for me and how emotional - bless them for giving us space!). Mike then picks her up and "introduces" me to the baby. She's called Dinda. He then holds her for ages while I touch her and talk to her. Mike then starts telling us all about how her mother rejected her and how he is hand-rearing her. He's telling the journalist all about Monkey World and I have totally switched off. I can't focus on anything except the tiny baby (and plus I know everything there is to know about Monkey World already) in his arms and I am playing with her (and still crying). Dinda's got hold of my hand and is inspecting all my visible tattoos on my hand and arm. I honestly think I've died and gone to Heaven. My eyeballs have NEVER seen anything so beautiful in all my life. Dinda is so beautiful she actually hurts my eyeballs. I can't take it all in! I'm still shaking and crying but smiling at the same time. Lashes is standing back taking photos of me and Dinda; who is holding my hand (and kissing and sucking my hand). I can honestly say that I have never been so in awe of an animal and I have never felt so privileged in my life! Running through my head is "these beautiful animals may soon be extinct!" and "I cannot believe this is happening". My eyes cannot take it all in quickly enough. I'm trying to engrave the image of her into my brain forever so that I never forget how incredible she is or how beautiful! I know that this is a once in a lifetime opportunity and I want to remember it forever!

I am still a crying mess and on another planet when Mike says to me "are you ready to hold her?" Nervously (and still thinking I'm dreaming and that any minute now I will wake up and have it all cruelly taken away) I take her from him and hold her. If there is such a thing as Heaven then at that moment I was truly there!!!!

Me and Lashes spent two hours with Dinda. While the journalist is doing the interview with me, I'm still playing with Dinda and I couldn't stop crying. She said to me "this is very emotional for you isn't it!!! I assume I can say that this is a dream come true for you?" I whispered "yes" through streaming tears. After half an hour the journalist and photographer leave us so that we then have an hour and a half on our own with Dinda.

Sitting here now I still can't believe that I met and held an orangutan (and a baby one at that!). I feel so privileged; I can't even describe it!!! They are by far my favourite animals in the world and they are endangered. They are so rare and so beautiful - even to see one up close is such a joy and a special thing. To hold a baby one? Well, that's just another level (the stuff dreams are made of!!!!). Even to be at Monkey World was so special for me. I felt like I was walking on sacred ground! Everything about it was incredible!

After we had spent two hours with Dinda (and I had held her twice and sat with Mike while he bottle-fed her and changed her nappy), Mike then took us on a guided tour of the rest of the centre. I saw all the different chimps and orangutans who I had watched so religiously on the show. Most of them I would have been able to recognise without Mike even telling me who they were! My favourites being Gordon, Seamus, Lulu, Amy, Tuan & Hsiao-Ning. It was the best day I've ever had!

Mike was amazing. He was everything I knew he would be; incredible at his job, kind, caring, helpful and I was totally in awe of him. He told us non-stop stories about his time spent working there (ten years), about all the different animals and about what it's like to hand-raise baby orangutans. I could listen to his stories every day for the rest of my life and never get bored. I think he is incredible and I have soooooo mush respect for him! We all had lunch together and at the end of it all, Mike left us to wander round the centre again at our own leisure (which we did). While we were in with Dinda, Mike also presented me with a gift certificate stating that I had adopted Dinda (Lashes had adopted her for me!) and he also gave me one of his own personal pictures of him with Dinda.

So..... Lashes has excelled every boyfriend I've ever had! I have never had anyone do such an amazing thing for me! I could sit here and write 200 pages just on how I felt and how amazing the whole day was but I know I will end up sounding mad and I know it will get boring if I just waffle on and on about it. I will move on......

So, we got back to mine yesterday at about 5pm and my mum, dad, Jordan, Sarah and Stiffy all came straight over to see the pictures of me with Dinda. I had already been screaming down the phone to them about meeting her and they were nearly as excited as me to see the pictures!

Everyone stayed at mine for about an hour and then me and Lashes went to bed for an hour (we were knackered and my eyes were stinging from all the crying). Sarah played on Myspace (she's now officially addicted after we forced her to set one up!) while we had a kip and then she woke us up to get ready to go out.

Last night me, Sarah, Lashes, Jord, Stiffy, Jenna, V and DJ Mark all went to London for the night. We did a bit of a club crawl. We started in O Bar in Soho, went on to Freedom and then all went to Stringfellows (where we got given VIP treatment and bottles of Champagne and other drinks on the house). We got V and Stiffy a naked lap-dance (as it was their first time in a strip club) and then when it closed we had a bit of a lock-in there and I gave V a pole-dancing lesson on the stage. When we eventually left; we weren't ready to go home so we went to Bar Italia (an all-night restaurant and bar) and got food and coffee. We were still there at 6o'clock this morning. Lashes has just come and read what I'm writing over my shoulder and burst out laughing (he's remembering an incident that happened in Bar Italia)........ A girl with very short hair was passed out on a table with her head in her hands and I looked over and said to everyone "is he alright?" thinking it was a man because of the short hair. I was quite drunk and I hadn't looked down to see the tutu and high heels she was wearing. The whole group collapsed laughing at me and my stupidity!

When we eventually left Bar Italia, Lashes gave me a piggy-back which made me feel sick. I jumped off to throw up the double espresso I had just drunk (nice!) and then we went home! I'm hardly ever sick through drinking. I never really drink more than 5 drinks in one night out anyway (as that is more than enough to get me really drunk - I'm the world's biggest lightweight) and I hate being sick so I always know when to stop but I think all the excitement of the day, along with being tired and emotional still (and drinking far too mush coffee after a few vodkas) made me feel ill! Still, at least the sick came back up as pure coffee - no carrots in it! ha ha.

Today me and Lashes have been to my mum's for a vegetarian roast dinner and then we laid on the sofa and watched a bit of TV with Jord. At around 9pm we went to a restaurant in Brentwood to get coffee and meet up with Stiffy and we are now back home. I have looked at the pictures of me and Dinda about 200 times since we got home yesterday (they are on my Myspace if anyone wants to see them - I also made videos of her which I will put up soon!). I still can't believe I met her and held her! Mike is a legend (and so is Lashes!)! I am surely the luckiest girl in the whole world!!! I can't stop smiling. Lashes found me earlier sitting just staring at a picture of her on my computer! She has blown me away and I can't think of anything but how beautiful she is! Why people would ever hurt or mistreat an animal I do not know. It makes me want to do even more for all animal charities and it makes me want to beg every single person reading this to also do something to help! If you want to help Monkey World in particular, they take donations (all go into 100% fund - no administrative costs are removed) and they also take goods such as fruit, vegetables, bread, garlic, chewable vitamin C tablets, melon (good for monkeys and apes), small to medium sized baskets (for the smaller monkeys to nest in), sheets, blankets, towels, heavy-duty dog toys, Hessian sacks, un-used stamps and thick ropes. You can adopt a monkey or ape (and be given a year's pass to the park, a photo of your monkey or ape, a certificate, and the Ape Rescue Chronicle three times a year. I always adopt animals for friends and family for birthday and Christmas presents as I think it's a bit more special than just buying them something they don't particularly want or need. Plus, you are doing a really good thing by adopting one! At Christmas, practically everyone I know has an animal adopted from me as a present!!! Adopt one people and then go and visit it! Monkey World is somewhere that EVERYONE should go at least once in their life. It's the best day out ever! You can see all the monkeys and apes really close up through glass. They come right up and "touch" you through the glass while you are standing there! It's incredible!!!! I am going back there in a couple of weeks time with my mum (who was so incredibly jellus that I went there that she has begged me to go there).

I will be gathering towels and blankets (and anything else I can) from now on to send to Monkey World on a regular basis. I am also going to go and hopefully meet with Jim and Alison at some point in the near future to see if there is anything else I can do in the way of fund-raising or raising awareness. Get involved!!!!

Anyway, I know this has been long and I can't talk about anything other than how amazing my day was yesterday so I am going to leave you now! My life is officially complete and all my dreams have come true! The biggest thank you EVER to Lashes, to Mike and to Monkey World who made it possible for me to meet and hold Dinda. I am the happiest girl in the whole world!

Loads and loads of love to everyone

Jodie x x x

P.S Monkey world details: Ape Rescue Centre, Wareham, Dorset, BH20 6HH tel: 01929 462537, Email apes@monkeyworld.org

Website www.monkeyworld.org

P.P.S Quote for the day: "YOU must be the change you wish to see in the world" Mahatma Gandhi

P.P.P.S if you want to see the pics of me and DInda then go to my Myspace www.myspace.com/youwishiwasyourbird - enjoy!!! There's some on the home page and there's more in the gallery!

P.P.P.P.S a poem written for me by Helen (thanks babe!):

"There was a girl named Jodie Marsh
Who was picked on by the media, so harsh!
They were jellus of her long flowing hair
And the way she showed the world how she does care

She parties out in the Sugar Hut
Swinging from the rafters, what a nut!
She looks so great in all she wears
Going out in pyjamas, she who dares!

She met a lovely guy called Lashes
Who she treats to some sexy flashes
She really is a minxy little tyke
Jodie Marsh, what's not to like?"



P.P.P.P.P.S I HELD a baby orangutan!!!!!! I STILL can't believe it!!!!!! I'm in love with her and I am the happiest I've ever been!!!!!!