26th February 2007

I've been to Manchester & back and seen lots of fights but I looked the BEST ever so it's ok! Sex, sex, sex. Oh and did I tell you I'm SINGLE again! Back to the drawing board!

My God; have I got news for you! It's going to be a long one so go get a cup of tea and some of those lovely chocolate caramel biscuit things.... Here goes:

Me and Lashes have split up. Here's the thing. You know how recently I haven't wanted to get serious with anyone (remember I kept saying to Lashes initially "don't fall in love with me" etc etc); well, it suddenly got too serious for me. I wanted a slight break (me being me, I started to feel scared that things were happening too quickly) and before I knew it; the whole world is saying "sorry to hear you've split up with Lashes" - in my eyes that can only mean one thing - that Lashes is telling people we've split up. I haven't told anyone we've split up (cos I just wanted some time off to assess the situation) so the fact that everyone thinks we have, must mean that he is telling them we have (I even had an email from a family friend of his saying "sorry to hear the news" - they can only have heard the news from him!). Anyway, I am fine with it. I really did like him a lot (and he was by far the best boyfriend I've ever had) but to be completely honest; I'm not ready to settle down with anyone (something I drummed into him all along). I know there's too mush of a party in me still to be thinking marriage and babies (or even nights in cuddling on the sofa wearing slippers).

It's nothing against him personally, I have nothing bad to say about him, nor did he do anything wrong. I just needed a bit of space to re-evaluate the situation and to work out what I wanted. After this weekend I realise that what I want is to dress up in a bra and knickers and have dance-offs on table-tops with strange men dressed as cave-men! You see, I'm not ready to give up the partying lifestyle (not for ANYONE) and it becomes increasingly hard to find a balance of "nights in cuddling" (ie. being boring) with "nights out partying" (all I want to do!).

To be with a man who is not in the same business as me (and who needs to be in bed by 11pm every night because of work the next morning) is hard for BOTH of us. I want to go out and go mad, he needs to get some sleep so that he can get up at 5am. I want to go and see my friends and he gets fed up with the fact that I'm never happy just staying in (I get ever-more frustrated/grouchy when I've had too many nights in). Lashes was perfect in every way though; the bottom line is that I'm just not ready for it and need to get this mad partying bug out of my system before I settle down with anyone. If I had met him in 4 or 5 years time, he would make the perfect partner for me but right now I can't stop thinking about what ridiculous outfit I am going to wear for the next mad party and if I am going to drink vodka/lemonade (gives me a really bad hangover) or vodka/redbull (feel better the next day but makes me even more hyper than I already am, and sometimes makes me aggressive too - my brother pointed it out years ago after he caught me saying to someone "what are you looking at?") - decisions, decisions!.

So; that's that. Back to the drawing board. Single again! Oh dear - what's a girl to do?!

Moving on........

Yesterday me and Sarah drove to Manchester to go out clubbing (I've mentioned that I'm fed up of Brentwood - well we're taking it to a whole new level - we're "need to get 200 miles away" fed up!). I drove and for some unknown (and ridiculous) reason, had my sat nav set to "scenic route"! It meant that instead of going straight down the M6 (all motorway and would have taken 2 and a half hours), we went through every single tiny village from here to Manchester, including Leek, Derby, Stockport and Stoke-on-Trent. It took us four and a half hours! Nice! When we eventually got there we checked into our 2 bedroom apartment we had hired for the night and started getting ready. I had made my outfit the night before (the party we were going to was a caveman/ ancient warrior theme) but I needed to add finishing touches. I also had to make Sarah an outfit and one of our boy mates, who met us there.

I have to say; the outfits were amazing (have a look on my Myspace for pics). I excelled and everyone at the party loved them! In fact I think my outfit in particular was my best creation yet. We got to the club at around 8pm (we started early!) and we spent the first couple of hours drinking in the VIP bar with some friends of mine. A waitress then grabbed us and said "come with me to your table!". A table had been reserved for us in the main club and she dragged us over there to sit at it. We had only been there for 2 minutes when a random guy came over and started screaming at us that it was "his" table. I politely showed him the sign on the table that said "reserved Jodie Marsh" but he wouldn't have it. I don't know if he was off his face on drugs or what but he wanted an actual fight. I argued politely for a little while and asked him repeatedly if HIS name was Jodie Marsh too, since the reserved sign clearly said my name on it (the whole time with one eye scanning the crowd for a doorman), until he lost the plot and grabbed me round the throat. At this point Calum Best, who was on the next table, stood up to see if I was ok and the guy quickly let go of me. Ten seconds later a doorman arrived and the guy was moved away from us. We thought he'd been thrown out. Oh no.......

Ten minutes later the guy was back and half-way through a major dance-off on the table-top between me and another random guy, he threw a drink over me. I ignored it thinking "I'm boiling hot and sweaty anyway and actually, that felt quite nice!" and also thinking that if I totally blanked him then he might just go away. That wasn't to be! He then picks a fight with Calum (while I shouted for a doorman) and when he's finished there, comes back and throws another drink over me! At this point the doormen threw him out and I made lots of fuss about how they should "look after their punters!" ie. make sure they are safe. I was just pissed off that they didn't throw him out the first time he gave me trouble (a man grabbing any woman round the throat is more than enough reason to eject him swiftly from ANY club!). Ten minutes later we were all partying happily again and apart from the random weirdo giving me and Calum grief; the night was AMAZING!

Phillip Olivier (of Hollyoaks and The Games fame) was there too. I worked with him and Leigh Francis on A Bear's Tale (the spin off from Bo Selecta) and we really get on well. It was lovely to see him again! I also met half the cast of Hollyoaks (including Justin the student, who all the girls were swooning over!).

Nearly everyone was dressed up in full caveman get-up (although none had the added burlesque touch that we did with our fishnets and knickers) and everyone was partying like mad. There were 6 fights in total though last night and every single one involved a celebrity (or "face") being started on by a jellus weirdo. Poor Sezer from Big Brother got a proper kicking from a group of lads for no reason (I think he even had his two front teeth knocked out - there was blood everywhere) and was eventually rescued by one of my boy friends who got two blokes in a head-lock and carted them outside, one under each arm (where the f*ck were the doormen??). It's such a shame that people want a fight on a night out and to be honest; by picking on someone famous they are just proving that they are jellus and bitter. They had no reason to start on any one of us! We were all just there enjoying ourselves and having a laugh. None of us were giving out attitude or anything similar. I suppose that is yet another down side to being famous though - people (if they can't be your friend, or better still, BE you) want to fight you (for reasons still unknown to anyone but themselves as it achieves nothing but being thrown out!). Poor Sezer though - I hope he's ok!!

Apart from it being like the Wild West in there (and the roughest club we have ever known); it was a brilliant night and we loved it. We don't let these little things bother us on a night out!

We eventually rocked into our apartment at 3am (after being given a lift back by a really nice paparazzi man). We changed into tracksuits and went on a walk-about in search of food. Luckily we found a kebab shop still open and we got some chips! We took them back to the apartment (having blagged another free lift in the apartment manager's car), ate them and went to bed in a drunken blur. The apartment was gorgeous. It was two bedrooms with en-suite bathrooms and it had a kitchen, lounge and dining room. All the brickwork inside was exposed and the furniture was ultra-modern and trendy.

Today we got up at about 11am, got showered and dressed and went for lunch (or in our case, breakfast) with about 20 of our mates who were out with us last night. Everyone had already decided that they wanted to go to an Indian Restaurant so we had the weirdest breakfast EVER! Nan bread and Korma sauce wouldn't normally be my first choice for breakfast! For dinner yes, but it's not the best thing on a hangover, twenty minutes after you've woken up!

When we had finished in the restaurant (and laughed at all the pictures that were taken last night), we started the long drive home. This time we had the sat nav on "fast route" (thanks to one of the boys) so we made it back in 3 hours (including two stops for more food and chocolate on the way). We got back at 8pm and went straight to my mum's for a family meeting. Tomorrow we have a guy from a production company coming to meet my whole family (with a view to making my new TV show) so I wanted to fill them in with all the details of the show. Sarah and I then came back to my house with Jordan and Lauren met us here. We had a gossip and catch up and now everyone has gone and I am about to go to bed with Paddy and Lyla.

I've had such a good weekend. My outfit last night was the nuts (so glad I made it myself - you can't buy sh*t as good as that in shops!) and we partied hard on table-tops with random men and other celebs. It was well worth getting out of Brentwood for. If you want to see the pics then look at my Myspace which is www.myspace.com/youwishiwasyourbird

I'm going to go to bed now and dream about fit men, mad outfits and dancing. This week is going to be hectic! Don't forget my new show starts this Thursday on Living TV (9pm, 1st March). It's called "Get a Life" and it will help anyone who's ever been insecure, lacking in confidence or self-esteem or who's not making the most of life. I look minging in the first episode but I get better looking throughout! Lol. Love it! Check the Living website for more info www.livingtv.co.uk

Loads and loads of love Jodie x x x x

P.S Quote for the day "Be ashamed to die until you have won some victory for humanity" Horace Mann, US educator.