Ok - this is not good. I have a broken finger! How? Erm........ well....... I was drunk....... And erm........ I think I might have smacked someone! Allow me to elaborate......
So, Friday night I was sitting at home checking my Myspace when I get an email from Sezer from Big Brother. He was basically just saying thanks for the nice things I said about him on here (from the night we were in Manchester). We got into a conversation on email which resulted in me inviting him out that night to my brother's gig. I told him it was in a sh*tty old man's pub but that it would be fun, cheap drinks and that, most importantly, we wouldn't get any hassle. An hour later I met him in the car park of the pub.
We all proceeded to get very drunk. My mum and dad and all the usual crew were there and, being that it IS an old man's pub and Jord plays lots of old rock n roll; it made us all behave stupidly (and giggly). When the gig finished we stayed there singing songs at the tops of our voices. Me and Lauren were singing Buddy Holly, Elvis, Ray Charles and Chuck Berry songs and Sezer made a comment about the songs being before our time. He joked "what happened to Eminem and 50 cent?" we immediately launched into an Eminem song and carried on to rap three whole songs of his until we lost our voices. Sezer regretted opening his mouth! Ha ha. Anyway, it got to about half twelve and we wanted to go on somewhere else. We have decided to not go to Sugar Hut for a while (because of my stalkers who only go there to try and stand next to me) but because we were so drunk and it was only 5 minutes down the road, somehow I was persuaded to go (and thought "One more time won't hurt" - famous last words).
Before I go on; let me just explain about a few of my stalkers. There's the girl I've already told you about (who copies everything I do in a scary way; my clothes, the way I act, the people I talk to, the places I go etc etc). There's her 2 girl "mates" (one of which has written me a million fan mail letters and now hates on me just cos she can't BE me) and there's the boyfriend of one of these girls (who tried to shag me a million times behind his girlfriend's back and cos I kept rejecting him, turned nasty and was sending me threatening emails until I went to the police about him - yes folks - a 6ft3 man physically threatening a 5ft2 GIRL!!!!!!).
Ok..... so we walk into the gallery side of Sugar Hut (there are two different sides to the club) and yep you guessed it; all my stalkers are there. And guess what? Here's the best bit. Who are they with? Not just some other "normal" freak, oh no.... the BIGGEST freak of them all: Dave Boil. Yes folks...the one and only boiled head himself. Now I'm not even surprised they were all in there together (they are all such freaks that they BELONG together) but the reason it still IS quite shocking is that they don't even know him!!! They have obviously become friends through Myspace (having a common quality in that they are all obsessed with me) cos they are all obsessed with myspace too and use it as another way of stalking me. You see they have befriended the Boil probably because I haven't been to Sugar Hut for a while; they need a fix of me and he is the only person alive who would actually happily give them that. Don't get me wrong here; I'm not annoyed at all. I find it highly amusing that they are all "friends" now. They are all as weird as each other and everyone in Brentwood knows it. I love the thought of them all only being friends so that they can talk about me and slag me off. I love the fact that they are clinging to each other because it's all they have in life and I love the thought of the Boil being so rejected by his own true mates (cos they are all embarrassed of him) that he now has to hang around a bunch of low-life Jodie Marsh wannabes or else sit in on his own!!!! LOVE IT!
Anyway, I was heading for my usual table in there but the second I clapped eyes on the painful-to-my-retina sight of Boil (with all my stalkers) I turned on my stiletto heel, pointed to the door and mouthed "out!" to all my mates. There were about twenty of us who had all come together from the gig. Years ago I would have gone to the table anyway and proceeded to wind all of them up (for the sheer Hell of it) but being a home-owner now (so in my eyes, a somewhat adult); I did the RIGHT thing and moved my whole crowd to the other side of the club. We NEVER stand in the other side (the "club room" as it's called) but I thought it would make a nice change anyway and I didn't want to be in the same room as the freaks (for fear of my eyeballs burning and falling out due to the sheer ugliness in front of me). On the way out of the room Jordan whispered in Boil's ear "What the f*ck are you doing in here? You're not welcome. Go home!" (don't you just LOVE protective brothers!!!). At that point; a gimp from Brentwood (who doesn't have any mates and who latches onto ANYBODY he can to make it look like he's got friends) tries to say hello to Jordan (bear in mind that he too is standing drinking with Boil). He says "you alright?" and tries to shake Jord's hand. Jord says "not really - you're standing with a c*nt", refuses to shake his hand and follows us into the club room. You've gotta bear in mind here that all these weirdos read my blog EVERY day so they know full well the ins and outs of the Boil situation. I know they read my blog cos whenever they send me nasty emails or stalkerish threats they always mention things I've said on my blog.
Anyway, we're all dancing away in the club room having a good time. Sezer is getting mucho love from all the girls and we're all loving it. Suddenly the gimp (with no friends) and the boy who tried to shag me but then sent me a load of physical threats come RUNNING through the club room, grab my brother and start screaming in his face that they are "going to kill him". The one who wants to shag me is shouting "you don't know who I am!" ha ha ha ha - yes we do.... you're a silly little boy from Brentwood who THINKS he's a gangster. Everyone knows you as "the twat" and laughs at you behind your back mate. He DOES think he's some sort of gangster, which of course he isn't. Dave Courtney isn't even a real gangster compared to some of the heavy people I know!!!! Anyway, in a million years I wouldn't let someone hurt one of my family and as no real gangsters were out with us (normally we have at least one on the crew for safety), I thought I'd rather take a punch then have my brother be hit so I jumped straight in. There was a bit of a scuffle while the silly wants-to-shag-me boy is red-faced and screaming that he's "someone!" and that he's going to get Jordan "hurt". In seconds it was all over and the doormen had ejected them from the room. They didn't throw them out cos they do the odd bit of errand-boy work for the club (taking photos or carrying bins out when they are short-staffed). Instead they were told to get out of the room and to stay away from us. We then had two doormen by our side who didn't leave us. Eventually Jordan wanted to go home and he left, taking half the group with him. By then I knew I would NEVER go back to the place (unless ALL the freaks got barred so that I can party in peace without them either staring at me, eyeballs out on stalks OR without them starting trouble with me and/or Jordan). I grabbed a doorman (the only one in there who is actually a mate of mine and who I trust) and said "have my back; I'm never coming here again and I have to go and have it out with someone" He then followed me into the gallery (I wasn't going to let the gimp get away with starting on Jordan like that and thinking he could get away with it). I walked straight up to him (with the doorman shadowing me) and tried to grab him round the throat. Unfortunately he was too quick for me (and a lot bigger) and a scuffle ensued whereby I tried to hit him/scratch his eyes out, kick him in the balls etc (bear in mind I'm VERY drunk by now) The doormen pulled him off me (he had hold of my neck by this point) and the whole lot were told to leave. As they walked out; I turned to my mates, who had all followed me in there and said "let's go". My finger got broken in the scuffle (to be honest I don't even know HOW? Ha ha). Now; I don't ever tell people to do as I do and I know that two wrongs don't make a right and all that. But try talking sense to me when I've had five vodkas - it ain't gonna happen. I hear you but I'm not listening. It's not big and clever to start on someone like I did (it's mush better to get your gangster mates to do it for you! ha ha joke) but the gimp needed to be told that he couldn't be jumping my brother like that. In between the finger breaking and throat-grabbing; I DID manage to get the message across quite clearly that his life wouldn't be worth living if he ever went near my brother again so even though it was wrong of me to instigate that last fight; I achieved what I wanted to and left.
I woke up yesterday morning with a finger the size of a sausage (and bright red). I knew it must have been broken as the pain was unbearable and it looked AWFUL. After I had said goodbye to Sezer (he slept on the sofa at mine); me and Kyle went to meet Steve and Zoe in a restaurant. When my they saw my finger they immediately ordered a cab and sent me to a private doctor friend of theirs who taped it up and strapped it to another finger. The cab then brought me back to the restaurant where we sat laughing about the fact that I had a broken finger and I didn't even manage to give him a black eye!!! It's his fault - if he had just let me have a clean shot at him............
So..... the events of Friday night have confirmed to all of us (even Sezer who's first time it was in there) that we will NEVER go back there. It's a beautiful club but there are too many freaks and people who want to be gangsters. Last time I was in a club with Sezer he had his teeth knocked out and I got grabbed by a nutter bloke. I think the real problem is that SEZER is the bad omen and I shouldn't be around him! ha ha.
Last night I had a meeting with the owner of the club (to explain to him why I wasn't coming back) and he told me he would sort it all out. I don't care either way anyway. I'm going to be so busy in the next few months that I won't even care about going out (well, not in Brentwood anyway). I've got about 4 TV shows starting soon and another book coming out. It's all go for me!!!
After the meeting I had twenty minutes to get ready. Sarah and Vonnie were already at mine and Steve and Zoe were coming to pick us up in a cab. I threw on the clothes I had worn the night before (cos they were thrown across the chair in my dressing room and I really didn't have time to create another masterpiece! Scummy I know - but do I care? Er... no) and we all got in a cab headed for Camden. Jordan, DJ Mark, V and Jenna were already in Jazz Café so we met them there. We spent the night dancing to real old soul music and watching fit break dancers and we eventually left there at 2am to go to a place called Tinseltown for some food. It's a 24 hour bar/restaurant and I love it in there. They play pumping house music. I always used to go there after clubbing in London. It was the place to go after Ministry of Sound, back in the day! We stayed there til 4am, had a cooked breakfast and then our mate Steve had a cab waiting outside for us to take us home. Lovely!
We had a good night, no trouble, no stalkers and full of laughter. Going out ANYWHERE other than Brentwood is the way forward!! I am sitting here now in lacy French knickers & bra with my hair still spiked up like a punk slut and I am trying to decide what to do for the day. I have stuck to my gym mission and have been every day (though I am thinking I should have the weekends off!). My stomach isn't aching so mush now and I can stand up straight again. Two days ago it hurt so mush that I was bent over in pain. I can't wait to be the fittest girl in the world. Ha ha. Already my top abs on my stomach have come out. I'm soooooo happy. My body is going to be my pride and joy!
I am still talking to fit man on MSN every day. Whenever we get the chance we sneak in an hour's chat. We are still being dirty as hell with each other and to be honest I am so frisky that I might explode (perhaps it was my own sexual frustration that made me lash out at the gimp). I might need to dig out those male escort numbers again!
I'm going to go now cos it has taken me 2 hours to type this (with a broken finger). It's a pain in the arse (well, finger actually) and I am starting to lose interest in writing about all the goings-on.........
..............................I stopped then to have a quick twenty minute perve with MSN boy. I am back now. My God he is soooooooooooo fit. He hurts my eyeballs (not in a Boil way - in a way like I can't take all that pleasure coming at them). He also makes me laugh lots. We send each other emails every day too (he is in another country, hence us only communicating online). But when I see him.......... oh dear he is going to get it!!!!!
All my love Jodie (in pain from finger & gym, sexually frustrated but grinning from ear to ear cos life is just so damn good!).
X x x x x
P.S Quote for the day: "Maybe some women aren't meant to be tamed. Maybe they are meant to run wild until they find someone just as wild to run with?" from Fiona on Myspace - I love it. It sums up how I am feeling right now......
P.P.S my Myspace is www.myspace.com/youwishiwasyourbird
Love yooooooooooooooooooooou!
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