Oh my goodness... I'm a wee bit merry and I've just got in and it's 3.30am. I am feeling very happy and smiley!!! Me and Kyle have been to Sugar Hut. We were supposed to be at a wedding but we had to go and do a job tonight (can't say what it was) and then we finished so late that there was no point going to the wedding cos it was 100 miles away and we wouldn't have got there til about midnight so instead we went to Sugar Hut and got DRUNK - I think that might have been the longest sentence in the world. So we have danced our heels off and I have seen Fancy Boy, the Greatest Kisser and Blondie and I have not spoken to any of them cos I don't care anymore. Well I did speak to the Greatest Kisser but only cos he said "don't you say hello anymore?" to which I replied "hello". They are all very good looking but they don't do it for me now. They are all too nervous and gulping. I need someone to stand up and shout about what they want and these boys just don't cut it. I see some of them with eyes on stalks looking at me (I did look outstanding tonight - ha ha - even if I do say so myself) and I know they all can't stop staring yet NONE of them have the balls to come over and say what is really on their mind! It infuriates me (I LOVE the word "infuriate") that they are too mincing and wet to come over and say something yet they will stare at me all night and watch my every move. I feel like I'm on cctv and I can't turn around for someone with a beady eye on me. But I did look f*cking sexy. I am feeling so great right now - especially for the fact that I pulled the fittest thing in trousers this side of the water last night! Ha ha. Tonight I had the BEST outfit on and every time I passed a mirror I couldn't help but look at myself. Ha ha. I'm not that vain but I did have a great outfit and it looked sexy and classy at the same time.
Sorry - I'm perhaps more drunk than I thought. Kyle is sitting with me reading over my shoulder and he is laughing. I have posed for 900 pictures tonight but it was fun. Everyone was really nice. Tomorrow we are going to the break dancing competition world finals. I am sooooooooooo excited. I'm not going to go mad though because Monday I have rehearsals for the All Star Talent Show and I'm being picked up at some ridiculous hour in the morning. Kyle is gonna stay at mine so that when I get back from rehearsals we can go out for some food and carry on our chats and carnage. Me and Kyle are very tipsy now. We have been talking about me moving abroad. Kyle has decided that he will come with me cos we just can't cope without each other. He is in agreement that England as a whole sucks and that we need to get to where the action is. Whether that be America or Cyprus or wherever. We don't care. We just wanna get away. I don't wanna miss the boat on a lifetime of happiness! Don't worry though boys - I've got twenty-five TV shows lined up now so I won't be going for a little while anyway. I've got serious work to do and I will stay here until it's done. As soon as it is; I'm off to make a real life for myself.
Tonight has been so mush fun. We have smiled and flirted with every fit man in Brentwood and I haven't wanted ANY of them. When I got in I phoned the gorgeous one from last night and woke him up. We had a nice chat and he told me he would call me tomorrow. I know I should have played it cool and not phoned him but I don't particularly care. I just wanted to make sure I didn't dream how amazing he was. Ha ha. He is lovely though and I am very happy that I finally got my claws into him. He was worth every mixed signal and every stolen smile in the nightclub. MORE than worth it!
In fact he was so worth it that I can't stop thinking about his big thighs and hard back. He is one sexy little weapon and I knew from the minute I laid eyes on him that he would be. I am very good at judging REAL men (apart from when I have momentary lapses like when I went out with Fran and the murdering boxer). Normally I can spot a man a mile off who's gonna be an animal and who's gonna have a tool in his pants. I realised tonight that I am the world's biggest pervert cos I caught myself a few times looking at men's crotches. I don't know why but my eyes are drawn to them. I suppose it's only like a man looking at girls' boobs but when I catch myself doing it, I feel very annoyed at myself. I did it tonight so many times and burst out laughing at one point when I suddenly realised what a raging pervert I have become. I honestly do it without even thinking.
So - it has been magnificent tonight. We have danced and sung and flirted and showed off. We have danced on sofas and tables. We haven't paid for a single drink and we are loving it!
Very soon I am going to got o bed and try and get some decent sleep so that I can be fresh for tomorrow. We are having a home-cooked roast dinner with my mum and dad tomorrow. My dad cooks the BEST roast dinner in the world! I haven't had one for weeks now and I am CRAVING it more than sex (and that's saying something!). ha ha. I can't wait for the dance-off. It's going to be wall to wall pleasure and I know that our eyeballs are going to fall out of our heads. I have to get some decent sleep this week cos I have such important meetings and filming to do. I am so excited about the meetings cos they are 200% about what I truly want to do in life. It's gonna be big!!!! I can't tell you any more than that otherwise I will have to kill you. I hope you all had a good night tonight. I did. I am still dreamily smiling about the pleasure I had in my house last night. It couldn't have been better if Eminem himself had been here! Ha ha. This one was ALL man. The type that makes me go weak and giggly. There's not many of them left you know. I struggle to see any around me. They all seem to be clutching onto what they think is a happy life but really they are not loving it more than anything. They think I don't see that but I do. I know what it is they truly want but they are too scared to do anything about it. Did I tell you I am a white witch? Ha ha. I can read minds and I can see straight through people. People are transparent to me. I know what they're thinking and I know they're not truly happy but they are too silly to do anything about it. I never want to be one of those people. I want to fight for everything I want and love and I want to be strong and brave and determined. I never want to be weak or wet lettuce or flapping. I know what I need in life and I WILL get it. Where there's a will, there's a way. Anyway, if things come to you too easily then it's no fun. It's mush more fun to have to fight for something cos then you feel like you achieved it and you deserve it. I'm lucky that I'm in a situation where I can do what I want and nobody is controlling me. I can do whatever I want anytime anyplace. I HATE to be controlled. I'm not trying to be anything I'm not and I'm not putting up a pretence of being happy when I'm not. If I'm happy I'll tell you and if I'm sad I'll tell you. I have nothing to hide and no deep dark secrets. You lot probably know more about me than anyone! Ha ha. What you see is what you get. That's why my book is called "Keeping it Real" cos I really do keep it real at all times. There's no point in trying to be something you're not and there's no point in pretending you're happy when you're not. I don't care who reads this. I don't care what people think of me. I KNOW me and the people who I care about know me and that's all that matters. It doesn't matter what anyone else thinks cos they don't have to live with me - which by the way is THEIR loss cos they are missing out on living with the two best bulldogs in the world! I am very very happy and I am living the life I always wanted. If someone at some point is amazing enough for me to want to share this with then they will be in for the biggest joy and happiness that life can possibly bring but until then I have Kyle and Paddy and Lyla, a house full of treats and a whole room full of shoes. Ha ha. Life is so good!
It is now 4am. I have just had a member of one of the biggest boybands in Britain call me. I made Kyle answer the phone cos I couldn't be bothered to speak to him. Ha ha. Can you believe these men calling at this ridiculous hour?! He slammed the phone down when he heard Kyle's voice! We laughed lots. I do like him but not when he's calling at 4am. Also I was laughing at Kyle trying to be butch; like he was my boyfriend or something! Come on now! I mean; he doesn't know I'm still awake. It's so rude to call at that time unless the person calling is actually your best friend, family or boyfriend (or f*ck-buddy). He is none of these things. He's just someone I snogged once. I suppose though that once you've been with the Marsh, you never forget! So I'll forgive him this once - he's only human! Ha ha. I love the effect I have on men. Most girls can have the same effect (although a lot don't know how to use their power). I don't enjoy the harassment or phone calls afterwards but sometimes it's nice to know that people can't stop thinking about you. A little ego boost every now and then never hurt anyone! Stop it Robbie - I won't go out with you! Ha ha. I'm joking I'm joking I'm joking - I meant Colin Farrell. Ha ha ha ha ha ha. the biggest joke of it all is that I NEVER want to go out with another famous person as long as I live (apart from Paul Weller or Valentino Rossi)! I just want a normal bloke. A normal regular bloke who is ALL man and who is eager, willing, got plenty of stamina and knows how to have fun (or is willing to learn). That's all I want in life. Simple. These famous men don't stand a hope in hell with me. I am too normal for them and I don't look in the mirror as mush as them (apart from tonight cos I did look in the mirror loads but that was cos I looked really good). I want a caveman. Action-man. Milk-tray man. I want a man who can breathe fire and swing from chandeliers and who can ride a bike and who won't phone me at 4am unless they are in trouble and need me (or they are away and want phone sex).
I am really boring myself now. It's getting harder and harder to type and I have probably made a million mistakes in this cos I am a teeny bit on the fuzzy-headed side. I HAVE to go to bed now. I must try and remember to tell you tomorrow about the amazing man who got naked on his webcam for me earlier on tonight before I went out. All joking aside, he was lovely and he showed me his willy!!!!! Ha ha. I did talk him into it though. Little did he know he was showing it to Kyle as well (sorry babe but I couldn't stop him looking!). Anything you wanna show me you gotta show him too! I promised him that I was on my own but I wasn't. I hope he's not put off now cos he has promised me another strip tease tomorrow if I'm good! ha ha. he's got a very nice body though - why not show it off?! I would! Oh....... I do.
Goodnight world.
Love you x x x x x
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