26th October 2005 - The one about not being normal

Good morning everyone.

Last night was lovely. Lewis took me out for dinner to a local carvery and we ate so mush we looked pregnant afterwards. We then went to Blockbuster and got a few new dvd's which we took back to mine. Ended up watching The Amityville Horror. Terrifying! I love horror films cos like the true weirdo I am, I actually enjoy scaring myself. Unfortunately there aren't enough really scary films around. A lot have terrifying opening scenes and then the rest of the film is pants or they just don't quite cut it full stop in the terror stakes. This one does. Let me tell you, Lewis and I couldn't sleep for hours afterwards. We kept thinking we could hear noises. We were laying in bed with the duvet pulled up to our noses so that just our eyes were visible and neither of us could even look at what we call 'the scary window'. ha ha. It really really scared us. Highly recommended.

Slightly going off an a tangent here but something Lewis always says is "what's normal?" in reply to if I say to him "you're not normal" after he's only had 2 hours sleep in a week and STILL doesn't feel tired. We decided last night to look up the word 'normal' in the dictionary to see what it's definition is. It says: 1.usual, regular, common, typical 2. constituting a standard 3a. being within certain limits of intelligence, ability etc b. conforming to the conventions of one's groups.

Ok - so I'm definitely not normal. That's a given. I'm above average intelligence so that's point 3a above. I'm not common, so that deals with point 1. Haven't got a clue what point 2 even means in terms of my life, but point 3b proves beyond doubt that I'm not normal. That's what it is - I don't conform to conventions. I'm not sure who the leader of this group is that sets the conventions in the first place, but I definitely wasn't invited to join and, wouldn't want to anyway. It's like I always say; Kate Moss wears a simple black dress and gets called beautiful and elegant (even though she's actually just a hard core drug sniffer, who let's face it, shouldn't be touching the old devil's dandruff when mother to a small child - or any child in fact - or just shouldn't use it at all in the first place) and I wear a sexy short dress made of the finest peach lace and cos I've got big jugs and it's more in your face, I get called a slapper. Oh well, to hell with everyone. I can't help the fact that I'm curvy and that dresses don't hang off my (thankfully not) emaciated bones correctly. I'm just happy I now know what it means to be normal and also quite satisfied that I'm most definitely not.

Like a woman on a mission, I also took the opportunity to look up the word "freak", it says: a person, animal or plant that is abnormal or deformed. Ha ha. Jeeez Sneak mag - a little harsh me thinks. I only wore f-in bunches! Hardly warrants being called abnormal or deformed! I might start suing people who call me things in magazines based on word definitions. You can just see it..... "Well, your honour, I had my hair in two high pony tails and they are calling me deformed". You see my point?! I think it'd actually work!

Seriously though, one thing that always frays my last shaking nerve is the fact that Halle Berry and the like are hailed as beautiful, talented, oscar winning actresses when I get called a slapper or trashy for wearing skimpy outfits. I'd like to point out that I actually only did Page 3 about 4 times and haven't done any public topless shots since. Halle Berry, on the other hand, got her tits out in Swordfish. She was reportedly paid extra money to flop them out but the result at the end of the day is that she still got paid to flash her jugs. Same as all the "artistic" shots you see in Vogue and the other "classy" mags. Kate Moss is paid to be photographed in black and white for some designer fashion label, wearing nothing but a druggy looking frown - and/or parades down the cat-walk with her fried eggs out for the world to see and she's called an icon! I wear a short dress or hotpants occasionally (which, I too, get paid for) and get called a slut. Go figure?! If anyone knows why it's ok for Halle Berry or Kate Moss to show their bristols but not ok for me to wear a smaller than average outfit from time to time, do tell! Answers on a postcard........

That's enough ranting for today anyway. I'll talk about something happy now instead. Tonight, I am working for a magazine. I'm doing a little bit of a red carpet stunt for them. Can't say what it is cos it'll spoil it. Hell, probably won't work anyway if Dawn Nesson or Rebecca Wade have anything to do with it (Star and Sun ed's respectively). They both hate me from what I gather - not that they have reason to, mind. I can't recall ever meeting either. Oh well, it's not the end of the world and me & Lewis did find something that cheered me up immensely last night. I was going through an old address book when I found some bits of paper stuffed in the front. Amongst them, a pay check. My first pay check in fact, along with the paying in stubb from the bank. The cheque? It was for £30,000. Thirty grand payment for a topless picture of me that the Sun used on page 3. This is the same Sun that sent me a letter 2 years previous to that cheque telling me I wasn't good enough so "thank you, but no thank you" when I sent some topless pictures in of myself asking if I could do page 3. The reason I'm telling you this? It is hardcore proof of why NEVER to give up on your dreams. I could have given up after they knocked me back. I could have lost all my confidence and not posed for another picture ever again. But I didn't. Their rejection only made me even more determined to succeed - which I did TEN times better than I could have hoped for in the first place. A normal Page 3 girl back then would only have got about 250 quid anyway. Not me, my debut was worth thirty grand. I'm now having the letter, the cheque stub and the paying in stubb all framed together to hang on the wall of my new house (if the bloody builders ever get it finished). Don't give up people - you really can do anything you set your mind to!!

So, now I have to get a move on, as my girl is coming to do my hair in an hour then I gotta find the most outrageous thing I own to wear tonight. Should be fun tonight though, I'm looking forward to it. I'm gonna work that red carpet like only Jodie Marsh know's how to. That's Jodie Marsh the cheap slapper that is, not the home-loving, darts-playing Jodie Marsh. So, have a good afternoon everyone. Keep your chin up (that includes all four of yours Jade Goody) and I'll write again tomorrow with tales of dancing and drag queens no doubt.

See ya