I take it all back...... What I said about Sneak magazine that is. Just as I announce they are the nicest celeb mag around, they go and put me on the front cover calling me a freak! Nice. Thanks a lot you minge-teasing baaastards! Ok, lesson learned - do not EVER assume people are nice. I'm old enough and ugly enough to know this by now! Why do I STILL have faith in the decency of humanity?! ha ha. My crime, by the way, for which I have been labelled a freak (oh, and "hideous"): wearing my hair in bunches! Yikes. Seriously guys, if I ate my own vomit or still played with Barbie dolls then maybe, just maybe, I could be labelled a freak, but hair in bunches? Give me a freakin' break already!!!! Actually I really liked my hair that night. Beats wearing it down all the time and makes a nice change. It looked quite cute (not to mention sexy) and I'm still not lacking in offers from the opposite sex; so thanks all the same but I'll carry on wearing my hair however I like (in fat green rollers if I so wish) while you (whoever wrote the charming piece) can sit at home dreaming of the day someone might actually want to shag you with your lank, boring, brown bob haircut.
While I'm having a rant, just want to dedicate a small (or rather large in fact) section of my blog today to the woman who wrote this week in More magazine that she's "Not loving Jodie Marsh's 'sophisticated' brown hair" and that I should "leave that look to Angelina, love". Let me explain something to you LOVE: I didn't dye my hair brown in the hope that I would look more sophisticated, I dyed it because No 1. I was paid to by a magazine who wanted to see me looking different and most importantly because No 2. It's actually my NATURAL colour and I wanted a change and WANTED to go back to my natural colour. Hell, I'm not quite sure what you don't like about me having my hair it's God-given natural colour - if the colour it's meant to be doesn't suit me then I'm stuffed really aren't I? What a weird woman LIZ HAMBLETON is!!! Perhaps she thinks I'd look better with green hair or something? No, I think she'd just prefer it if I was dead actually. Seriously, I've said it before but CAN I EVER DO ANYTHING RIGHT in the eyes of these satanic people? What do you want from me Liz? It's my bloody natural hair colour! How can it possibly be wrong?!!!!! Sort your own life out before you dig at mine. I'd love to see what this she-devil wannabe "beauty expert" (ha ha, that 's a joke! What beauty expert would tell you a fake dyed colour looks better than your own natural colour you were born with?) looks like. I bet she's rough as a dog. I'd challenge her to a pulling competition any day of the week! The last girl I challenged was a silly moose office junior from Kiss FM. Bam Bam is my mate and she'd been on air with him one morning on his breakfast show slagging me off about how ugly I was and saying she had better boobs than me. Bam calls me up and tells me what she'd said so I offered to come in and have a "who's fittest AND who's got the best boobs competition". Obviously the morning of the competition, the studio is full of men. They were actually lined up waiting to see the show down. Now, bearing in mind, I told Bam to tell everyone to be honest (I didn't actually care if I won or not, I just wanted to front the bitch) and the action began. I didn't have a clue what she looked like and was expecting someone at least HALF decent. Well, I walked into the studio to face a five foot ten beast of a girl with saggy tits and bingo wings. Oh, and a tyre round her belly and big old bumpa. She immediately looks horrified and screeches "Oh my God, you're so tiny! I can't believe how small you are?! I feel like a monster!" Yes love, you look like one too I thought at the very cute and sexy height of five foot two (men love small girls!). Needless to say, she lost her balls when it came to the crunch and didn't want to compete. The boys forced her as punishment for being so vile about me on air and when it came to taking our tops off (we kept our bra's on) - I think it's fair to say, she was left a little red-faced as the men drew gasps of delight at my flat brown belly and whopping melons and gasps of horror at her sagging flaps and wrinkly rolls. She won't make that mistake again. Obviously I won the competition hands down and Street Boy even asked me out and tried to snog me (when he too on previous shows had also said I wasn't that great looking).
It's funny cos I am much better looking in the flesh than I am in pictures. That's not being big-headed by the way. Most celebs are better looking in the flesh. Certainly from my point of view it's cos the papers and mags always print the most minging pictures they can find of me. If you think of all the pics you've ever had taken yourself then think how many are actually nice, it's probably not a lot. Then imagine being photographed every single second that you are outside of your house - that's an awful lot of dodgy snaps! Anyway, everybody who ever meets me, tells me I am a lot prettier in the flesh, and although I know I'm not perfect looking - far from it - I was also bullied at school for being ugly and am at a point now where I'm actually comfortable in my own skin and happy with the way I look. It's also another reason I wanted to go back to my natural hair colour. At school I had brown hair and brown eyes and was told for 6 years that I was ugly and a freak. Naturally I wanted to make myself look as different as possible from the kid I was at school so dyed my hair blonde and wore coloured contact lenses as soon as I could. It was almost like I killed off the real Jodie Marsh. I didn't want any reminders of what I looked like when I was being bullied. Now, at 26 years old, I finally feel comfortable enough to be able to drop the mask I've hidden behind for so many years. It's back to brown hair and brown eyes for me and I've even started wearing a lot less make up occasionally. What I mean is, at home and in Brentwood I never wear ANY make up but at red carpet events I always pile it on. The last event, where I looked like a "hideous freak" (apparently) with bunches, I didn't wear any of my usual ten ton of black pornstar eyeshadow. Just a smudging of goldy pink dust on the eye. It's lovely to feel like me again. The real Jodie Marsh DOES have brown hair and brown eyes and I think I'm very lucky to have both. It's more latino looking and very sexy. I don't care if people don't like the look of me cos I like the look of me and that's all that counts. I just wish people would keep their stupid, half-brained comments to themselves, or at least be brave enough to say things to my face instead of hiding behind a magazine! Guaranteed if I ever saw this woman out (not that I'd know what she looks like but I'm guessing at pig, somewhere near Jade Goody level), she either be too scared to come and talk to me OR she'd come over all sweetness and light and try to get gossip out of me (I hate two-faced people even more than I hate thick, lazy people). She'd never introduce herself "I'm the woman who slags you off for looking awful" would she?! So Liz Brambledown or whatever your stupid name is - shut your trap, you bell-end or else front me or else lets have a pulling competition?! What do you say? Sorry everyone, just wanted to get that off my breasts.
On a more positive note; took the builder, his brother, Sarah and Lauren to the launch of Lethal Bizzle's album last night at Eve club. The very beautiful owner gave us a bottle of vodka on the house so I blame her for my stonking hangover today (it would have been rude not to drink it). We went on afterwards to party at Ten Rooms where my sexy mate Patrick Alan sings every Monday. We had front row seats and the pleasure of watching The Drifters AND Alexander O'Neal perform live. Legendary. It was pouring with rain so there weren't many paps out but the ones that were got the first pics of me and the builder together. I suppose it's time I told you his name then - it's Lewis. Lewis Nunn. Just in case you were wondering. He's a real man and more importantly, a gentleman. He's taking me out for dinner tonight. We're both very tired today as we didn't get in til 5 o'clock this morning and both had to be up at 7 but I'm looking forward to a chilled dinner and dvd on the sofa with him and my 5 dogs later on. I don't think I'll ever go out with another celebrity man again you know. Real men are so mush better! I'd almost forgotten how gorgeous they are. These days I only tend to meet other celebs. I haven't purposely gone out with them, it's just kind of happened. Celeb men are very vain though (not all but a fair few) and real men have that raw sexiness where they almost don't know how fit they are. Last night in Ten Rooms, it was so hot that Lewis's shirt (damp from sweat) was clinging to his muscles in all the right places. I was drooling like the pervert I've always been. God, he's lush! That doesn't mean to say I won't chop his nuts off if he ever sells a story on me though! ha ha.
Must also add that my brother's gig at Embassy this Thursday has moved to next Wednesday. That's not tomorrow but next week. Some tv company are having a party in there Thursday and we thought it best not to ruin their night with our screaming raucous antics while Jordan rocks the stage. See, aren't we kind? Actually, I'm lying, it was more because we want the whole place to ourselves that we changed the night.
Also, I'm throwing a party on the 23rd November at the Eve club in New Burlington Street. It's in aid of one of my charities Beat Bullying. All money raised on the night will go to Beat Bullying, that includes the ticket money. If you want tickets, call the Eve Club on 0207 7344252. All my celeb mates will be there and plenty of others. My brother's band are playing along with some famous other singers and musicians - more about it nearer the time. One thing you do know about me is that I know how to party and I know how to throw a party. This is not one to be missed people and it's first come, first served. Once the tickets are gone, you'll have no way of getting into the showbiz event of the year! We'll be auctioning stuff away on the night aswell so if you wanna get your mitts on dirty celeb memorabilia then keep watching this space cos I'll post a full list of auction items on the site soon. Eve club is beautiful and the owner has generously allowed us to use the club for the night for free. All the usual suspects will be there and plenty of others, in fact, the only people NOT on the guestlist are Fran and Jordan. Oh, and Abi and Heaton and Andre. I'm really looking forward to it though. There's not enough decent parties on at the moment! I'll be dancing on tables on the night AND swinging from the chandeliers!
The magazine being the nicest to me this week is Star mag. They haven't said one hideous thing. The editor is gorgeous though. I'm not bum-licking - she is gorgeous and I was lucky enough to have her in bed last week (see previous blog) Oliver Grady, who writes for Star is gorgeous aswell. He's definitely someone I'll have to go out with again soon. Same sense of humour for sure. Get Star this week and read the last comment from me and then his comment of "Priceless" and you'll see what I mean. Comedy.
Anyway, all's good in Jodie's world and apart from still being bullied left, right and centre by bitter journalists - I have nothing to moan about. Besides, the way I see it; I'm not just any old writer like Liz Hambleton - I'm a best-selling author aswell as being a tv presenter, model, actress and ambassador to seven charities. Come a long way from my days as a stripper I think. Beat that Hambleton. Or go dye your hair at least
Baaaaaaaaaaaa
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