Ok, I know this is my third blog today but since I am waiting for Kyle to finish work so that I can pick him up and currently Lauren is sitting next to me marking school work; I thought I may as well do another blog (it's that or google Ben and try and find pictures of him and I'm trying not to do that!).
I have found a place where you can see my sexy new calendar pictures though. Click here:
http://www.sexydesktop.co.uk/marsh.htm - And then look at the ones at the very bottom of the page. My favourites are the naked ones with the diamonds all over my body and the one with the diamond spiders! Very rude but oh so good!!!!
Oh and also if any of you are as bored as me right now, you could also have a look at the video of me dancing on the All Star Talent Show, which is at www.allstartalentshow.co.uk - the whole video isn't on there, there's only a clip of it but it still looks good and gives you an idea of how beautiful it was.
Anyway, I don't really know what to write; I'm just bored waiting for Kyle to finish and Lauren won't let me mark any of her kids' work! She let me once before and I even signed it "Jodie Marsh".
I'm trying to think of something to say (anything to stop me from googling Ben and/or Fit Barman!) but I really don't have anything new. It's only been a few hours since I last wrote. Other than telling you again how frustrated I am sexually or how mush I need a man; I can't think of anything. Ok..... So did I tell you how frustrated I am?!
Well, here's the thing; I NEED A MAN. I am losing the plot over the fact that I don't fancy anyone and I really am on the verge of calling a male prostitute.
Woohoo, Lauren has just made us a cup of tea and has finally agreed to let me mark one of the kid's essays! Ha ha. Anything for a cheap thrill!
I just asked Lauren what I could write about and she said write a poem so here goes:
There once was a girl who needed sex,
She wanted it all day long,
She sent every man on her phone a text,
But they know she's just plain wrong
She hunted high and low for it,
She stalked one man to death,
Her standards were so flamin' low,
She didn't even care about their breath
She looked at men she usually wouldn't,
She scared most of them away,
She tried to touch but knew she shouldn't,
And now she's having to pay
She fell in love twice in one week,
She really is a fool,
Cos now her life is really bleak,
And she's no longer cool
She chased a man who turned her down,
She chased one that was wed,
She chased one man and his girlfriend out of town,
And it really screwed her head
All she wanted was a one night stand,
Of sordid rampant shagging,
And now she's only got her right hand,
And to no one is she bragging
If she couldn't have sex then she wanted love,
But that didn't happen either,
She prayed each night to the Lord above,
But still he's given her neither
She tried her luck with women too,
She nearly took one home,
She thought it might be something new,
On those cold dark nights alone
Every night she lays and dreams,
About doing it doggy-style,
She pulls her sheets and shouts and screams,
Cos God damn it's been a while
She's worn out her rabbit,
The battery is dead,
So she's put on her "habit" ,
And joined a convent instead
She yearns for the day she finds some fun,
She wants to play with a man,
She only wants a finger up the bum,
Just to know that she still can
She longs for kisses and gentle strokes,
She pines for some affection,
She doesn't know what's happened to all the blokes,
She wants to see an erection!
She loves the feel of a c*ck that's hard,
Nothing pleases her more,
From a millimetre, centimetre, foot or a yard,
She'll try them all for sure
Now she sits at home alone,
With only pictures over which to linger,
Waiting for the beep of her mobile phone,
She slips herself the finger
Copyright Roberts/Marsh
Ha ha ha ha ha ha - we love it. Lauren ended up helping me with that (after all it's more interesting than marking coursework). I wrote the first two lines and she wrote the last two lines of each verse. What a team!!! We could be the next Robbie Williams and Guy Chambers!!! It doesn't yet have a name. maybe Ode to Sex, or Ode to Ben or Ode to Fit Barman or just Ode to desperation?!!
That has just made us laugh more than we done in weeks though. What a great way to amuse yourself!
Lauren has just decided that she wants to continue it (she can't get enough!) while I mark two essays so here goes:
Lauren:
Hello world. I've decided to swap lives with Jodie for a few minutes. While she's been sitting here typing and I've been marking, I've been wondering what it would be like if I had my own website that people would be interested in reading, and if I did, what would I write? I came to the conclusion that even if I did, I would still be a complete school teacher and would probably just think of really geeky things to talk about. Jodie asked me a few minutes ago what she should write about, my response was:
"why not talk about your thoughts on life on other planets or the theory of gravity?" I mean, is this what I have become? I think Jodie has had a weird reversing effect on me, whereby, the more outrageous she becomes, the more ridiculously geeky I become! I think maybe we need some time apart! Ha ha! Although, the truth is, I can't actually survive without her. If we didn't speak to each other for more than two days, you'd probably find me laying in a curled up ball in my flat dribbling on to the carpet. Luckily, none of you know me so it doesn't actually matter if you think I'm a complete weirdo. Oh the joys of being anonymous.
I've just thought of another really sad fact, when Jodie is writing her blog, whilst I'm marking my student's work, I actually read over Jodie's shoulder and check out her punctuation and grammar. It's pretty good.
Jodie is now in despair at my student's work! She just said:
"I'm not doing that one, it's utter nonsense!" Welcome to my world Miss. Marsh! She's now completely given up! What a flake! I love being a school teacher, I know it sounds sad, but I really do. I think if Jodie had the inclination, she'd be very good at it too. The thing with kids is, they will find any way they can to argue their way around a point; or more commonly out of detention. But Jodie would just be having none of it!
Well, it looks like my brief brush with fame is over. Back to marking those books. I'll always remember my 5 minutes as a celebrity blog writer, but you can have too mush of a good thing. Thanks for listening.
Bye x
I'm back (Jodie talking now!)
The only reason we have to go now is that it's time to drive to London to get Kyle. When I get back I will probably go for the world blogging record and write my fourth of the day. I hope our little poem made you laugh as mush as it did us!!!
Lots of love
Jodie xxxxx
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