What can I say? I'm so sorry I haven't written in so long. The thing is, I've been really busy with work, I've had a hell of a lot on my mind (serious things and not so serious things), I've been having a hell of a lot of fun and something had to give. Unfortunately it was the poor blog that suffered. If truth be known, I've been coming home every day either from work or partying and collapsing on my huge sofa with Paddy and Lyla. Writing has been the last thing I've felt like doing. Plus there's been quite a lot of stuff going on recently that I haven't been allowed to talk about (by that I mean TV shows I'm filming that I'm not allowed to talk about, ex-boyfriends who tried to gag me - explain in a mo, and current fancy-men who just don't wanna be talked about publicly full stop). Instead of making up a load of lies on the blog or skirting around the real issues in my life it was easier just to not write for a while.
Anyway, I'm back now. Back for good.... Yippee! I've got loads to say so I'll just get on with it. Plus, I'm not going to be able to recount everything that's happened in the last month and a half so I'll just go over a few things and gradually over the next few days/weeks I'll fill you in on every single little thing!
Ok.... Well firstly, cos it's probably been the main issue in my life up for the last two years, my ex-boyfriend of 4 years got locked up for murder a few weeks ago! He killed someone last year with his bare hands and has been in prison awaiting trial ever since. Finally the trial took place and he was found guilty and convicted of murder and got slapped with a minimum of 11 years!!! Basically the guy has been violent all his life (he even beats people up for a living as he is/was a professional boxer). It was only a matter of time before he killed someone really. He beat me up for the whole four years we were together. Two years ago the New of the World ran a story in association with Refuge about the fact that I'd been in a violent relationship with him and ever since he has been suing me and the News of the World, saying that it's not true and that he never laid a finger on me. I have no reason to lie. Like I said, he beat me every week for four years; mostly after he'd had a drink. When he decided to sue us (the w*nker saw a chance to make some money - skint b*stard) it meant that I wasn't allowed to talk about what he did to me until it came to court and was resolved. I had to take every bit of his violence out of my autobiography and gently skim over our relationship in the book. I was actually looking forward to going to court as I had something like 30 witnesses on my side, including 3 police officers and another ex-girlfriend of his (who he also beat up). There wasn't a hope in hell of him winning anyway and I wanted to show him up for what he really was.
Cut a long story short, he took the chance of going to trial away from me by killing someone. Now he is locked up and I've even heard he might be in the same prison as the scumbag who killed Kim. Lovely. Two murdering scumbags together. They can swop stories about how big and hard they feel. Cos that's all they were about anyway, the pair of them wanted to be the hard man. Plastic gangsters. Filth.
Sorry, don't want to talk it anymore. It's winding me up too mush to even think about them. When I heard the verdict of his murder trial I sobbed for a whole day. Firstly out of sympathy for the guy he killed (and his family) - if he'd been locked up ages ago like he should have been then perhaps he wouldn't have had the chance to kill someone. Also I cried out of relief that my own hideous ordeal is over. My whole family have been in turmoil (even though I was more than confident we'd win the trial) for the last two years. My mum has cried herself to sleep, my dad and brother have been worried sick for my safety and all my friends have rallied round talking to solicitors and barristers for me, giving statements and interviews constantly. Finally it has all gone away. I feel like I've been set free. I do feel a tiny bit robbed that I never got the chance to face the b*stard in court as I would have enjoyed every minute of seeing him squirm, the murderer, but nevertheless I am happy for everyone that it's over. We can all sleep easy at night for the first time in two years.
The day the verdict was announced my cleaners arrived to find me sobbing on the floor of my living room. I had been told the verdict literally 20 seconds before they walked through the door. It took me twenty minutes to calm down enough to tell them what I was crying about and when I did, they hugged me for ages, made me a cup of tea, lit me a fag and we all sat chatting until I felt a bit better.
That night I went out with a group of friends I hadn't seen in a while. The only person out with us who knew about the whole thing was Lauren. I didn't want to talk about it. In one way I felt like I should be celebrating but I still feel unbelievably sad and kept welling up with tears for the guy he killed. I put on my best brave face ever though and even managed a little dance to my favourite Queen song "Don't Stop me Now". After that I went on a bender for a few weeks and am still on it now. I've been out partying at least 4 nights a week, I've been staying up all night, snogging people (men and women) and just generally going a bit nuts. Such a weight has been lifted off my shoulders that I feel like a teenager again with such a zest for life! I feel like I never want to go to sleep again in case I miss something!
I've met so many nice men in the last few weeks that I'm like a kid in a candy shop. I don't know whether I'm coming or going! There's one who's a celeb. He's very very good-looking and loads of fun. We've been spending lots of time together and really enjoying each other's company. There's another who's a real gent and keeps buying me presents. He's extremely handsome and the best-dressed man ever! There's another young lad in Brentwood who's very charming and who's first words to me were "you're beautiful!" and there's fancy-boy from ages ago (the one who I asked out and he turned me down) who I ended up stalking for a few weeks and am finally over and getting on great with as a mate.
I actually don't want a relationship with anyone right now. I'm very happy being on my own and have actually realised that I like my own space and company too mush to give it all up for a man. It's a first for me cos normally I have someone glued to my side at all times, having never liked my own company until now! Anyway, the men situation is all good. I'm happy to have a flirt and a laugh with different guys but I don't want one moving in with me. I don't even want casual sex, unless it's with Eminem or someone similar. I'm just happy living life to the full and being able to go out and party with all my friends without any problems or murderers weighing my brain down.
In the last few weeks I have worked loads. I spent a week in Jersey with Andy Abrahams from X Factor (the singing dustman who came 2nd). Andy was lovelier than lovely and we had a real laugh. I spent a very drunken day at the V festival where I sat on my mates shoulders for the whole Paul Weller set and then went backstage afterwards into Paul's dressing room to see Paul, Steve Craddock and Steve White. That was AMAZING! Paul is still rocking it better than anyone! When he did Town Called Malice he nearly blew the whole of V's heads off. My knickers fell off at that point! ;)
I have also booked another holiday to go and see Valentino Rossi. Can't wait! Words don't even describe how excited I am for that one!
I have finally sorted out a calendar for next year. I'm naked in nearly all the pictures and they are truly the best pics I've ever done.
There is yet another freak on Myspace pretending to be me. For the thousandth time, I do not have and will never have a Myspace page. Don't believe anyone saying they are me; in fact please send them lots of abuse telling them just how weird they are and how mush help they need. The person is stealing stuff off my blogs and changing the words slightly trying to make people believe it's really me but it's not. I am yet again in talks with my agent, lawyer and Myspace to have them removed and possibly even to take action against them.
In brief, I have NOT had my boobs done. It was a stunt for a TV show. That's all I can say right now but boy did I have fun doing it!!
My garden and patio was finally finished two weeks ago and I've had a few more garden parties since then. I've had a load of decking put down as well so now have a huge sun-bathing area, three different levels of decking with tables and chairs on and hammock etc. It almost looks like a hotel outside mine now. I've got three massive table and chairs sets, all with giant umbrellas. It's amazing.
I damaged a tendon in my hand a week and a half ago. I was playing with a toy with Paddy and by accident when he jumped up to grab the toy, his giant front tooth went straight through my hand. Initially the hospital thought I had actually snapped the tendon as I lost all movement in my finger. There's a gaping hole in my hand which is still there. Most of the movement has now come back but I had to be in a sling for a week - not nice! All is ok though, I'm recovering well and hopefully there won't be any lasting damage. Poor Paddy knew he'd hurt me as well. The hand wouldn't stop bleeding and he got really scared. I swear he's human!
Oh... I've had another 3 tattoos since I last wrote as well. One is a huge silhouette of a devil-woman down the back of my leg, one is a naked woman down my side and one is on my arm and says "Life's too short". It refers to the fact that life really is just generally too short and it also means Life is too short a sentence for a murderer. I now have fourteen tattoos. I know I have a problem but the way I see it, being addicted to tattoos is better than being addicted to drugs or alcohol or anything else like that. I mean, I wouldn't ever want to end up like Michael Barrymore or someone..... ;)
I reckon that's enough for now anyway. I don't want to go on for too long as I'll start to bore you. Things are great. There is so mush more to tell you but right now my brain can't cope with it. Kyle is here and waiting for me to finish this so we can watch a film in my new home cinema (oh yeah - forgot to tell you about that - it's amazing! The sound is so loud it makes my whole house shake!).
Hope you are all ok and I really really promise I am back to writing every day again now. Again, I apologise for not being around all this time. Like I said, I've needed to get my head around a few things and didn't really know what to say until I had sorted it for myself. Lots and lots of love to you all. Hope you are all happy and loving life. Jordan has some new songs on his Myspace page. Check them out! Honeybee is the nuts!
www.myspace.com/jordanandthesection
Speak soon xxxxxx
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