So.... Fancy boy has been texting me all day. I just terrified him by saying that I was going to write about him on my blog. So..... Fancy boy - this is for you baby.....
You're fit but God damn you know it. You shag mingers you don't care about. You're scared sh*tless of real women, you're a Leo and I hate Leos. Your hair and eyes look terrible in those photos. Your whole life revolves around buying champagne and trying to pull a half-decent bird at the end of the night when pickings are slim. You have no real depth in your relationships (if you can even call them that), you wouldn't know a truly wicked person if they slapped you round the face (or maybe you would but unless you could shag them and throw them out in the morning you wouldn't be interested). You run around in a white suit and bare feet for half the week and drive about in a flash car for the other half. You're too laddish and shallow for your own good. You've probably never been faithful in your life but that's because you've never been in love or had a woman give you everything you could possibly need. You love the fact that girls everywhere want you and you feel like you're winning a game when you pull them and kick them out in the morning. You can't handle your drink and sometimes when you're drunk you don't even know your own name. You like to be fully in control and hate it when your not. You can't ever give a straight answer, you love playing hard to get. If a girl doesn't show any interest in you (God forbid!) then you want her no matter what she looks like. You want eventually to go out with the best-looking girl you can get but don't want anyone else looking at her or chatting her up when you're with her. You love it when girls flutter their eyelashes at you and laugh at your jokes but you hate girls being too forward. Girls with brains and personalities scare you a bit - you like them but don't like that they might just be able to give you a run for your money. You want to be top dog at all times and can't bear the thought of being beneath a girl (unless it's in bed). Deep down you probably do want a loving relationship at some point in the future and will probably make a great boyf/husband to someone but that someone will have to put up with the fact that everywhere you go you will bump into someone you've slept with (that or you'll have to move abroad for a quiet life). You love nothing more than two girls fighting over you and you probably hardly ever sleep with the same girl twice. You want girls to look up to you and idolise you but the thought of idolising one back terrifies you. Basically, you're a total male chauvinist pig twat who doesn't deserve a nice girl and wouldn't know what to do with one if you got one.
I'm so glad we're just mates babe..... ;)
On the plus side though, you do love your family lots (which is very important), you are very funny, extremely clever, charming and lovely when you want to be. You will make a great boyf for someone one day (when you grow out of sowing your millions of oats) and God damn you're good-looking...... but I wouldn't want you getting an even bigger head now would I?!
Mmmmmwah! Love ya!
Sorry, I'm back talking to everyone now. How are you all?!
I'm very good. I'm sitting here typing while Sonia is doing my hair. I'm having a million more extensions put in cos I'm filming a TV show tomorrow. It's quite a big one so I gotta at least try and look good! I took the dressing off my hand yesterday for the first time since I left the hospital. As I peeled the bandage back, the hole opened up again and a load of green stuff oozed out of it. Nice! I had to sit on my kitchen floor cos I thought I was going to faint. Kyle walked in and found me. The minute he tried to touch it to clean it up, I burst into tears like a baby. It's vile. I am going to try and go back to the hospital on Friday as my holiday is fast approaching and I don't want my hand falling off in Cyprus.
Did I mention I'm going to Cyprus with ten boys?! Ha ha. I can't wait. I'm going with my brother and all his mates. We've booked into the top hotel and we're going to rock the place when we get there. It's a shame none of the girls can come. Lauren is back at school after her 6 week break, Adele has gone to New Zealand for a year, Michelle is still in Fiji filming Love Island, Sarah is loved up and not going anywhere, Chloe has just had a baby and all the others, well, they're just busy working or have already had a million holidays this year (Alex!). Never mind, I'll love every minute of it (providing I still have two hands) I'm sure and then when I come home I can look forward with glee to the next one where I'm going to see Mr Rossi.
Me and Carolina are now in talks about going to America to stay with either Jordan Knight or Corey Haim. Both have offered me to go and stay with them. I think I'll find out who's nearest to Disney World and go there!!!
Last year I went to Barbados, Cyprus, Germany, Austria, Switzerland and France and those are only the ones I can remember. This year I wanna do America and at the very least Barbados again at Christmas. If there are any fit blokes out there who want a free holiday to Barbados please apply in writing (must attach a photo!). ha ha. Barbados is definitely a couples holiday. I need to have a boyf by xmas so that I can go! Last year, as you know I went with Kenzie. It was my fourteenth time there. It's my favourite place on earth. I also went with the murderer years ago, who beat me up and locked me out of our apartment for 2 days with nothing but the underwear I was standing in. Nice. It took me a few years to get over that one. For a while I thought I'd never go back as he had ruined it for me but Scott Sullivan took me back there and I loved it. If I do ever get married I want it to be on a beach out there in a white string bikini - that or like me and Scott once said; exchanging vows side by side doing 200mph on motorbikes round Donington. You never know... if Rossi wants it, he's got it and I'd imagine either of those would be his ideal marriage
Last night Kyle and I went to Lakeside. I wanted to get some clothes for my up and coming holiday and he wanted to just buy pink glittery things. We walked around for 4 hours, bought so mush stuff we physically couldn't carry it and came home to watch a program about bikinis after stuffing our faces at Pizza Express. Turned out I was on the program. Jodie and Gemma Kidd were presenting it; they said my boobs were too big for a string bikini but that I was blessed in that department as I didn't actually need support so I just about got away with the miniscule triangles. Ha ha. Thanks girls. They were going on about finding the perfect bikini for your body shape. Personally I think if you've got a good body you can wear whatever the hell you like and I wear tiny ones so that I get a better tan (well, also cos they're easier to get off pronto when you want dirty sex with your bloke on holiday. Ha ha).
The night before when I wrote my first blog in ages, me Kyle and Lauren had all been to the cinema to see John Tucker Must Die. What a load of rubbish! I mean, don't get me wrong, it was worth seeing just for the joy of perving over Jesse Metcalfe but the film itself was the worst I've seen in ages. When I got home the celeb guy I've been seeing came over with his sister and my brother and Kirsten joined us as well. We all sat in the lounge chatting for ages. It was really nice. In fact we ended up staying up til 4am waffling. Lucky none of us work really ;)
Tonight I am probably going to Jord's gig in Chelmsford. The usual crew are going: Tony, Carolina, Rusty, Kirsten, marge and parge etc. I feel a dance on a table coming on. The gig is at Elan Lounge. It's always a mental one for some reason. The crowd in there are real muso fans and can't get enough of the band. One of the barmen clearly fancies Russ as well and always gives him free shots and gets him drunk. Lauren is gonna stay at mine and keep the dogs company I think. She's only got another week or so before she goes back to school so is making the most of her time off by living at mine. It's nice for both of us. She was great for the week that I was in the sling. She was feeding me and the dogs! I couldn't do anything for myself. Even having a shower was a total nightmare. I had to do a rubber glove job so as not to get the wound wet.
Anyway, I'm gonna love you and leave you. Sonia has just finished my mane and I now have hair like Pamela Anderson, only with a face like a slapped arse.....
I've got a million things to do now in preparation for tomorrow and I then need to go and beatify myself for tonight. Never know, there might be a fit bloke there that I can add to my growing collection. Ha ha.
Hope you have all had a good day at work or college or school or wherever you are. Apart from the dirty hole in my hand I'm looking and feeling surprisingly sexy today. I will unleash my pent-up frustration on Chelmsford tonight and come home and stare at my pictures of Valentino Rossi (they'll be on the site soon people!) before going to bed with a little present I bought myself from Ann Summers last night.....
Lots of love and wet kisses
xxxx
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