Oh my god. I am the most hungover I have ever been. It is entirely the fault of a man named Ben. Last night I got so drunk that I passed out in the club and had to be carried to my front door. Let's start from the beginning.....
I got home from my meeting yesterday and cos I'd seen the fit new bloke in the office; I texted him to ask if he wanted to come out with us. I had a table booked in the VIP room of Sugar Hut and a bottle of vodka waiting there. He fannied about for ages trying to decide whether or not to come, and eventually said "no". I was pissed off at this because since only two nights previous we had both had naked girls on our laps in Stringfellows; I had assumed he was fun, spontaneous and adventurous. Him saying "no" just made me think I had been wrong about him. I know that he could have had something on last night that he couldn't get out of but he told me he only had a dinner to go to at 8pm. I figured he could easily have come after that (he only lives ten minutes away). Also, I was offering him a free night out. He wouldn't have had to pay for drinks or anything so I really couldn't see why he didn't want to come. If he DID have something else to do then I would have appreciated the truth, instead of being knocked back just cos he couldn't be bothered to come out. I know I sound mad but I'm sick to death of either A) people not telling the truth or B) people being wet.
It really annoys me because I am the most spontaneous person ever. I hardly ever plan big nights out, preferring to see where life takes me and if anyone suggest anything at all that sounds like fun then I will be there!! I will drop everything for the promise of fun and I HAVE to be around fun people. If my mates suggest going out in Fancy Dress then I will do it. If they suggest going anywhere different from the norm then I will do it. I hate routine and I hate boring people. I'm not saying the guy from the office is boring. Far from it; when I saw him getting naked dances I thought he was wicked. I was just a little disappointed that he didn't come out last night (for what seemed like no good reason). The thing is that if I go anywhere away from Brentwood then I get massively harassed. I've lived in Brentwood all my life so although the harassment still happens it is very minimal compared to anywhere else. That's why I go out in Brentwood so mush. If I go anywhere else I often spend whole nights talking to people who want to talk to me and don't even get to have a dance with my mates! Of course, going to the same place all the time and seeing the same faces can also get very boring (especially when the men are as wet as what they are in Brentwood) so when someone new wants to come out, we get all excited. Having someone new there (or a whole group of new people) makes the night exciting again cos we get to show them round and entertain them. It's like when I took Oliver Skeet to Sugar Hut; we all had a top night!! That's why I sooooo wanted the fit bloke from the office to come out. It would have made the night more interesting for us and plus him and all his mates were loads of fun on Wednesday so I knew we'd have a laugh with them. When he said "no" and wouldn't even give me a good reason (who turns down a night of free drink in a top club anyway?) it annoyed me. He then tried to make out that I was too stressed by texting me things like "chill out! There's plenty of other nights to go out!", which of course just pissed me off more. I don't want to go out OTHER nights - I want to go out NOW! Ha ha. I know I'm the most impatient person in the world (Fancy Boy will agree!) but I don't care. At least it means I don't sit on my lazy arse waiting for things to happen. I go out and MAKE stuff happen. What's the point in waiting for something you want?! With a little pushing and persuasion most things are obtainable straight away and that's the way I work.
We also then had a mini-argument on text over the fact that I said "I don't give people second chances" - which I don't. He said that was silly and I agreed but said that I can't help it. To be my friend, boyfriend or even lover you have to understand one major thing about me: I will not be messed around or made to wait! Ha ha. Ok, maybe that's wrong of me but all my life I've had nothing but messing men (and messing friends). Now at the grand old age of 27 I won't tolerate wet, boring or messing people. I only want to be surrounded by people who are exactly the same as me, in terms of; they want to have as mush fun as is humanly possible, they are spontaneous and not scared of anything. I haven't come this far in life (and overcome all the scary things involving death and murder and beatings) to be sitting at home on my own bored and waiting for someone to get their act together. If I want to go out and have fun then I want to do it like, yesterday!!! I know I'm having a major rant about this when really it's so silly and pointless; I just want office boy to know where I'm coming from with this and why I got the hump with him. It's the same reason I won't tolerate men who put me down, try to belittle me, control me or who just like having arguments. I got beaten up by a man for four years and I'm beyond all that sh*t now. Do you think I've grown and matured this mush to take a battering (even if it is only verbal) from some twat who thinks he's God's gift?! Er... no. If a man isn't bringing me the most joy possible then I don't want to be with him cos life is too short to waste on the wrong person.
I love that song that goes "you can reach me by railway.. blah blah, I don't care how you get there, just get there if you can..." etc. It sums up how I feel about people in general. Nothing is unachievable in life and if you really want to see someone or go out then you can. I've been let down so many times in life (by men who have killed someone or got bang on drugs or even by friends who have shagged my boyfriends etc) that I now feel if someone really wants to see me or if I mean anything to a person then they will have to prove that and act on it. I don't trust people easily (for very good reason) and even if (as in last night's case) I just wanna take someone out for fun as a friend then I don't like it when they say "no" and can't give a good reason. My biggest fear in life is boring people and wet men. I seem to have been surrounded by those for pretty mush all of this year and it's starting to get on my last nerve. In fact my last nerve is also wearing very thin (hence me getting annoyed at office boy). When you've been knocked back by fifteen men in a row (who in the cold light of day don't deserve you anyway - you're just so desperate you'll take ANYTHING) and you've been hurt, had stories sold on you (more about that later) and been lied to by people you thought you could trust; you get to a point whereby you just can't tolerate anything but people who know how to have fun and want to have it NOW! Ha ha. Sorry office boy - hope that makes my grumps clearer for you. And if it doesn't well then I don't really care cos my poor frayed nerve is hurting, my brain is fried and the vein in my forehead is pumping. I need to have fun and I need to meet more people who are like my amazing friends. I want to do something different every day for the rest of my life. I'm fed up of being messed about and sh*t on.
(Going back to story selling; I have got the BEST story for you ever. I'm not going to tell it now cos it's too long but sometime in the next week I have got a shocker for you!)
If any cool, down to earth celeb invited me on a night out with free drink all night, good music and a table of our own then I would be there like a shot. In fact I'd be anywhere that could promise me fun for the night. Life is there for living I always say and I want to be constantly surrounded by people who do just that! Which brings me onto why I'm such good mates with Sarah. She arrived at mine dressed and ready to go out in a nice outfit. I opened the door in full circus ring-master outfit. I had a red and black corset, black top-hat with giant red satin bow and a giant red and black tutu. She screamed and I said "how do you feel about going out in fancy dress tonight?" Within 5 minutes I had her in my superman vest and knickers and dripping in diamonds. She looked wicked!!! Lauren arrived and we set off for the club. I made the owner let us in the back door as I didn't want to be ripped to shreds in the High Street by drunk people who don't understand that going out in fancy dress is fun.
Once inside the club we got cracking on the vodka and danced our feet off. A few hours later a waitress came over and said that a man at the bar wanted to buy me a drink. We hadn't yet finished the bottle of vodka so I told her to tell him "thank you very mush" but "no". Two minutes later a whole new bottle of vodka arrived at our table (compliments of the man at the bar). I asked one of the managers to take me over to him to say "thank you" and when I got to him I was totally shocked to find that he was very trendy and extremely good-looking. He had a wicked haircut and a cheeky face with a naughty grin. I thanked him and spent the rest of the night with him. Of course I had to drunkenly snog him (to say thank you properly for the bottle of vodka) and he then bought me bottles of champagne, shots and other drinks. By the end of the night I was passed out on his lap in the VIP room with my bum showing. It wasn't my best look but would have been mush worse had I not been wearing my best frilly red and black French knickers! Ha ha.
He took me and Lauren back to mine in a cab and carried me to the front door where he helped me take my fetish boots off (I was too drunk to even take my own shoes off! Filth!). He then left, giving Lauren his phone number to give to me in the morning. I had such a good time though. Well; up until I passed out. We danced in every room of the club. I gyrated on his lap whilst straddling him on the sofa, we snogged for a full hour like two teenagers at a disco and we laughed hysterically as we acted out scenes from Dirty Dancing (I don't even know how we got onto that!). He was sooooo mush fun! His name was Ben. When we looked on Lauren's phone today, he had put his name in the phone as "Ben Swayze". I got really confused when she showed me (I think I was still drunk) because for a second I actually thought his real name was Ben Swayze. It took me ten minutes to work out that he was having a laugh because we had spent the whole night doing scenes and moves from the film!
Considering I started the night in a bad mood; it turned out to be brilliant. I have spoken to Ben today and he's very nice. I apologised for my disgusting behaviour (I never normally get so drunk that I pass out in the club) and we have laughed lots. We were on the phone for a full half an hour while I explained to him why I hate "wet" people.
I haven't yet eaten anything today (which I don't think is helping my case of the shakes) so I am going to go and get food now. I need junk food. Something to soak up the alcohol and to fill my stomach.
My throbbing brain woke me up this morning. It had climbed out of my head and was sitting on my bedside table tapping me repeatedly on the temple (or that's what it felt like). Luckily I haven't been sick but I have had to take countless Anadin Extra and drink gallons of water to even feel half-human. Lauren fed the dogs for me this morning and my brother turned up on his bike expecting me to join him on mine. He walked into my bedroom where I was laying unable to even speak, looked at me in disgust and went out for a bike ride with Carolina instead. They both came back round just now so that I could see Carolina's new bike and now I am shaking at my computer. I'm going to get some junk food and sit down to watch X Factor. I hope you are all having a good weekend! I am! I snogged a fit bloke and he's normal!!!!! He even asked if he could take me out for a drink this week (although why he still wants to see me after my shocking display last night is beyond me)! I'm very happy!! Especially since the boy I pulled the other week (who was really shy but turned into an animal when I got him home) texted me this week to say that he's not interested in seeing me again! I only wanted a f*ck-buddy! Jeez - I didn't wanna have his babies. Who wouldn't want a casual shag from a half-decent looking girl who shags like a porn-star? He MUST be gay. I CANNOT believe how difficult it is to even get a casual shag these days! Gone are the days when I had four on the go at one time. ha ha. I'm joking, I only ever had a maximum of two at once. ;) I'd love to know why he didn't want it though.
Loads of love and drunken kisses!!!
Jodie x x x x
P.S even if office boy still doesn't understand my total frustration at him not coming out last night then at least Kyle does. He called earlier for a catch up and I told him all about the fun we had at Stringfellows on Wednesday night. I told him everything that had happened and then got up to the part where I asked office boy to come out for a night of messy fun last night. When I told him that office boy said "no", Kyle groaned loudly and said "Oh just f*ck off!!!!" Kyle fully understands my need for fun and spontaneity as he is exactly the same. He gets as wound up as me with wet people. In fact he describes them as "a wet feather dipped in oil" - that probably doesn't sound funny in print but it makes us laugh more than anything! Whenever I tell him about men in my life he always asks "were they dipped in oil?" cos he just knows there's no one out there that can compete with our energy and passion for life. Clearly that's why Kyle and I are soul mates. Everyone we meet is dipped in oil and as lank as my hair is today. Where have all the nutters gone?! I want to meet lunatics who will swing from chandeliers and lick my face. Ha ha. I don't want to even talk to wet people. I don't have room in my brain for them. If you think nothing of jumping out of a plane or staying out til 5am even when you've got work the next day then you are my kind of person. You're not my kind of person if you can't even go out on a Friday night or if you get embarrassed easily. Me and my mates do bush-diving when drunk (being thrown full pelt into bushes out of shopping trolleys)! We're a bunch of freaks and we love it that way. The other week we were having wrestling matches on the beds in Sugar Hut - we even got some of the doormen to join in! I never want to be sitting around politely chatting (unless of course I absolutely HAVE to). I feel nervous and twitchy if I don't have enough fun in my life. I worry about lying on my death bed thinking "I wish I'd had the balls to do that!" - that's why I go and do everything I want to do (even if it does scare me a bit). I want to know that I did everything I ever dreamed of and that I didn't waste a second of my time. I don't even like sleeping - who wants to spend half of what is a very short time on earth asleep?! I want to experience everything life has to offer and I want to do it all today!!!!!!!!!!!
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