Right I never thought I'd say the following two things: 1. I'm never drinking again and 2. I want to get married! ha ha. We both know neither of these are actually true. It's just that all day I have been recovering from the world's worst hangover and right now in our hotel there is a very loving and emotional wedding taking place. It made a little bit of water come out of my eye! What's that all about?!
Last night after I wrote the blog, I met everyone back at my room and we all decided that we should have a little lie down before we went out. I was woken up by Jordan banging on my door at 8pm. He was going off to a pre-wedding party for Jackie and George with Max. The rest of us showered and spruced ourselves and were down at the hotel bar by 9.30pm. We immediately got pounced upon by a woman wanting to buy me shots. I let her buy me 4 drinks and then bought a round back for her and all her friends. Within 30 seconds of doing the shot I got her, she was sick all over the floor. Nice! We left there to go and get food. We went to a really nice Mexican and by the time we finished Jordan and Max were ready to join us. Let the carnage begin!
We did a bit of a bar crawl and ended up staying in one particular place where we befriended the barman. He gave us all free drinks for the 3 hours we were there and showed me a load of photos of me he kept behind the bar from last year when I was filming Trust Me I'm a Holiday Rep out here. The pictures were of me doing the lapdance (the one I got sacked for!). He said he's been selling them for twenty quid a time ever since! Tony and Max got up on the kareoke and sang The Day We Caught The Train by Ocean Colour Scene (surely one of the BEST songs ever!). I posed for at least 500 pictures. In fact, I think the whole of Aiya Napa now has a pic of me! At least it means I might be left alone tonight! Seriously though, I was hassled to death last night - to the point that for the first few hours I didn't even get to speak to my mates and Jordan got the hump and nearly had about 5 fights! He gets overly protective of me when we're out in a strange place. In fact the only place he lets me get on with it is in Brentwood.
Eventually we left the bar to go to a club. We were the first in the club (it didn't open til 2am). There's a giant circular bar in the middle and girls are allowed up on it to dance. It also has four poles on it! Of course, I was straight up there (being very drunk by this point already). I performed on the pole for about half an hour and actually had men trying to stuff money in my boots! Good to see I haven't lost my touch - I love doing tricks on a pole! The DJ even whacked a spotlight on me so that the whole club could see me. I didn't care by that point - I was in my element! If there's a pole, I'll be on it! We spent the next 3 hours in the club dancing stupidly. Even Jordan danced (and lost his voice when the DJ played Town Called Malice). The manager gave us a doorman to watch over me as I was still getting harrassed.
When we at last staggered out of the club, Tony and Pants had to frog march me through the heaving throng of people. They would have physically ripped me to shreds otherwise. People were actually screaming and pushing each other to get to me. Scary Stuff! Living in Brentwood it's often easy to forget that I am actually quite well known. I've lived there all my life and everyone knows me (and did so before I got known) so nobody bats an eyelid but coming abroad always reminds me how mad people go over "faces". Nuts!! I'm coming home Blondie! Straight into your arms! ha ha. I need normality in my life and you are normal (I think).
We ended up going to an all night restaurant and eating food in there til this morning. As we crawled into bed finally, I felt happy and couldn't wait to go to sleep! Just as we turned the lights off, Ian came knocking on the door and offered up his services for free massage. We let him in and he did fifteen minutes each on me and Carolina. He then left as we were nearly unconscious! I must have only been asleep 10 minutes when Jordan and Max came knocking. They piled onto the bed with us and informed us that Tony and Pants had girls in their room. Carolina was up like a shot to go and have a look. I just groaned and rolled over. I don't know what happened after that. I just know that when I got up again at 10am Max was in a bad way (having slept on a lilo on Jordan's balcony) and everyone was still drunk. I threw on a bikini and rolled down to the pool to lay on a lilo. I've been there ever since. I am burnt. My whole face hurts. It's red and peeling! On the plus side though, my new tattoos look AMAZING in a bikini and I keep getting compliments on them. Sweet. The first night we were here Jordan found a tattooist and in his drunken state (after he left the brothel) he was going to get "Toothbrush" tattooed on his lower back. Russ nearly got "Ketchup". Why? I don't know. They lose the plot when they're drunk.
Sitting in the restaurant last night, we got chatting about the fact that Brokeback Mountain is the sexiest film of all time (for girls and gay men anyway). Carolina hadn't seen it and I was trying to explain to her how sexy it was. The bit where he spits on his hand before going in for the kill..... Oh God.....Yes!!!! Anyway, I then offered Russ and Pants £100 to snog but they wouldn't do it!! They're so boring! A few months ago I offered Pants and our other mate Little Rob £500 to snog for me but they wouldn't do it! What's a little kiss between friends anyway?! I can't believe they wouldn't do it for £500. I LOVE seeing men kiss. It's exactly the same as when a bloke likes watching two fit girls together. It's such a turn on. I still have erotic dreams over Jake and Heath in Brokeback. What I'd give to get my hands on them at the same time! It'd be a hell of a lot more than £500 I can tell you!
So - no action last night. It appears that all of Cyprus is too drunk or loved up to be of any interest to me. I had a whale of a time dancing anyway. Perhaps I should make it my new thing to not snog anyone else again until I either marry Rossi or get a proper boyfriend. You just know that's not going to happen but it'd be worth trying. Tonight I'm not going to drink as mush so that I can focus on whether the blokes are fit or not. The problem last night was that after posing for a thousand pictures with strangers, I couldn't even tell one from another in the end. They all looked the same. By that I mean, I was drunk and seeing double and they all had a camera. Tonight I need to try and see straight enough to have some fun!
Right now everyone has gone to the harbour again for a beer. I'm not too bothered about going anywhere hence why I came and did another blog. I'm finding it hard to even walk. My whole body aches from all the activites (water polo, lilo-racing, pole-dancing and jumping so hard to Higher State of Consciousness that I nearly gave myself a hernia). The club we were in played old skool house all night (and Town Called Malice just to keep Jordan happy) - we were loving EVERY second of it. I'm a house baby. I like garage as well but my era was house music. Ministry of Sound and all that. I took a thousand pictures of my own and we laughed at them today as none of actually remembered them being taken.
So, I don't really know what else to tell you. My brain feels like it exploded last night and I can't think straight. It is all one big messy blur of vodka and shots and dancing and picture-taking. I looked HOT though so that's good. I wore a tiny denim miniskirt/dungaree thing with a see-through lace bra and a tiny white lacey bra over the top of that (just so as not to show the nipples). My stomach is looking very toned and brown. I love it!
My fingers are still prune-like from being in the swimming pool ALL day. I'm going up to my room now to moisturise and lie down before we have to start all over again tonight. Mum - help me! I'm too old for this! Only joking, I'm loving it as mush as everyone else.
I've bought a 7-day internet pass so I can come and do blogs whenever I want - aren't you the lucky ones! Ha ha.
Hope you are all enjoying life wherever you are in the world. It's 45 degrees out here and I don't want to come home - actually I do cos when I get home I get to dance with Ben for a week in rehearsals. Cor blimey I can't wait to get my hands on him again. Ha ha. Just thinking about him makes me go weak at the knees.
Lots and lots of sun-drenches kisses on the navel and sex on sun-loungers
Jodie
xxxxx
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