Oh my god.... I'm in pain. My whole body hurts, my internal organs hurt, my brain hurts, even my mind hurts. Even though I'm slowly turning black, my skin is sore to the point that even putting on clothes hurts (not that I'm wearing many of those mind)!! We thought we'd take it easy last night as we had had such a mental one the night before. We didn't actually eat until midnight. We wandered round trying to find a restaurant with room for 8 people and eventually settled on an Italian. We did go to a Japanese first but Jordan decided we all had to leave after our first round of drinks because we noticed that the steak on the menu was starred as being frozen - the chef in him got angry and refused to order the only fresh thing on the menu (which was seabass).
By the time we'd eaten it was 1am so we wandered off looking pregnant to the bar we have taken over since we got here. As soon as we walked in, the barman (who is now our best mate) gave us 3 bottles of wine, 6 shots each and two rounds of normal drinks (ie. JD, Vodka etc). He is not letting us get away with having one sober night on the island. Carolina and I decided that we would have an early night (by that we meant be home in bed by the latest 3am). An hour later and after 2 fights, most of the boys were heading back to the hotel and only the girls remained wanting to have it! Tony was up for it and Russ didn't know what was going on so we kept him out too (the barman had made him drink pure alcohol - the stuff that he uses in his fire-breathing routine).
We slipped off to a club, found the RnB room and had a little grind up against each other. The barman got us all in for free and even sorted us free drinks in the club as well. Me and Carolina had already decided that he was fit so ten minutes after arriving I had my tongue down his throat. He had me pinned up against a wall (which I LOVED) and we were oblivious to anything going on around us. We stayed like that for half an hour before deciding to go back to the hotel for a swim.
I had to stop on the way back to be sick (nice) and then went straight to my room to clean my teeth. Ha ha. We then all tiptoed out to the pool (you're not allowed to use it at night). We stripped off and gently eased ourselves into the water (Russ kept his pants on, the weirdo). We lasted exactly 30 seconds before the security guard came over and simply said "out!". The barman (who was also stark naked) swam over to the edge of the pool and spoke at length with the guard in Greek. I have no idea what he said (and probably don't want to know) but the guard allowed us to stay for another 5 minutes. We had another little kiss and then climbed out. By this point, Carolina and Russ were already waiting outside our room. Me and the barman got it on again in the lift (whilst holding our clothes under our arm) and when the lift doors opened the others got a right eyeful and collapsed laughing. Don't worry mum - nothing else happened - it was just a few little kisses!!!
We put some clothes on and then decided to wake Jordan and Max up (they've woken us up for the last 2 nights so it was our turn). We hammered on their door for ages and when they finally opened it, they were sitting on the balcony eating chicken and chips. Yes boys! Having it LARGE in Aiya Napa! We then all messed around for another hour or so (and climbed across balconies etc - all the usual stupid things you get up to while drunk) and eventually collapsed into bed at around 6am. Max has taken to sleeping in between Jordan and Russ as Ian is being weird and won't let him sleep in his room (even though he's got a spare bed) - I dread to think what he gets up to in there by himself! We all reckon he's got some sort of sex slave locked up in there or tied to the bed or something! Ha ha.
So, oh yeah... the fights - in "our" bar, a bloke asked for a picture with me and his bird took it. As they walked away, he called Jordan a "w*nker". I got up from my chair and said "mate, he's not a w*nker" and he replied "yes he is". At this point I was ready to hit someone. I've done nothing but smile and be nice to every single person demanding my time out here. They have sapped my energy and drained me (I even got woken up by a woman prodding me today while I was asleep and dribbling on a lilo in the pool, asking for a picture - nice - just have my blood too if you want!). I have spent literally half my holiday so far posing for pictures with strangers and haven't even been able to dance to my favourite tunes as people have come up to me wanting to talk about Big Brother or something else equally boring. I'm not knocking it cos it's my job and it's part of it but when I spend all this time constantly being nice to people who are disturbing me when I'm trying to have a laugh with my mates and then someone is rude (especially to a member of my family) then I lose it to the point of wanting to kill someone. Cut a long story short, it became quite clear that I was angry and the bloke's bird then pushes me on the chest. I told her to take her hands off me and in 2 seconds flat the barman had launched himself over the top of the bar and was in between us. He got them thrown out. The next fight was with 2 blokes claiming to be a boxer and a boxing trainer (Fit Bod - I soooooooo wish you were here). He was going on about Ricky Hatton and saying that we probably hadn't heard of him. I told him that yes I had actually heard of the "Hitman" (Ricky's nickname) and that I knew a ton about boxing. He then went on to get abusive towards Jordan and asked me what Ricky Hatton's sisters name is (as if that shows how mush I know about boxing?! Nutter. I managed a boxer for four years and know everybody in the business - I don't really care what their sisters names are!) Oh Fit Bod -I'd have LOVED to be able to say "Have my met my mate........" about you!!!!!! That would have shut him right up. Anyway, the two guys decided to follow us to the next club and once inside stood watching us for about ten minutes. When me and the barman had a little grind, he came over and told the barman to leave me alone because he was "taking me home tonight"!!!! The cheek! Ha! Oh my God! The barman told him that he wasn't and that I wasn't interested and the guy wouldn't leave it. The barman snapped his fingers at the nearest doorman and he came running over to sort it out. Within 5 minutes they were gone and the doorman didn't leave our side again. He even tried to stop Tony from talking to me! You really don't want to mess with the doormen over here - they've all been in the army and are hard as nails. When they go for someone, they don't stop - they're like raging bulls. Even if a bloke is really a pro boxer, they wouldn't give a damn. They're not scared of anything! It's a very good job that we are now mates with the barman. He knows everyone on the island and speaks fluent Greek. He is properly looking after us!
Today we have been lying in the pool with hangovers again all day. Even though we didn't go to bed til 6am, we still managed to make it to breakfast by 9am. We are hardcore! Me and Tony have had a cheeky game of cards and he has pulled me all round the pool on the lilo. Everyone thinks he's my minder so I am getting some peace at least by the pool (although still not complete peace! ha ha - It's all those horny dads sending their kids over to take pics of me in my bikini).
Last night the good kisser from last week texted me asking when he could see me. It's not good enough for me - it's been two weeks since the amazing kiss! I told him I'm getting married and that I was busy until then! ha ha. He actually believed me and wished me luck! Quality. I also told him that he wasn't making enugh effort for my liking - I told him that he didn't even put kisses on his texts to me (apart from when he's drunk) so he sent me one back with a hundred kisses on. Very funny and I like his style but he's still slack when it comes to impressing me. I can't cope with waiting two weeks for a text! You know how I like effort to be made! Well his efforts have been very poor - even though we would probably be fire together (if the kiss is anything to go by)- I don't wanna know if he's not making an effort.
I also spoke to Blondie last night and assured him that I wasn't pulling anyone out here. Whooops! It was only a kiss though - it's not that bad. I don't think he's that bothered anyway. I like him but he's not biting the bullet enough for me. Sometimes he's all over me and telling me I'm beautiful and the next he's staggering out of the club without even saying goodbye! Ha ha. Sorry Blondie..... But, if you are reading this - I do like you a lot. You are the first bloke in ages to actually get my attention (apart from Fancy Boy but he doesn't even count anymore since he refused to even kiss me! Ha ha). Stop with your "Why?" texts and start showing some of those giant balls I know you've got. If you want it, I'm all yours. I don't want anything heavy - in fact I probably don't even want a proper relationship if I'm honest but I'm loving our flirting and kissing and chatting. When I get home I'm going to ruin you if you want to be ruined....... And you won't just be another Jodie Marsh Boy Toy (someone recently told me he didn't want to be that). I like you a lot. You're sexy and I think we could have some fun....... Like I said, if you had managed to get a flight over here, well..... just think of the skinny-dipping we could have done!!! Babe, writing about you has made me want a big passionate kiss from you........ I'll see you Thursday night........ All I need is an effort made on your part and we're all systems go. If however you're not sure and you just wanna stay mates - that's cool too. I'm not gonna hold anything other than my body against you........ (which is now tanned and toned and in need of a gentle stroke and maybe a little kiss).
So, I'm having a great time still (obviously). Tony and Max have asked if they can write my blog tomorrow for me and I have said yes. God only knows what they are going to write about! Tonight is the wedding so Jord and Max are off to that, the rest of us are going to see the barman for another night of free drinks and carnage. We truly are having it large style. I'm not even sure how we're all still alive. We've gotta do this more often!
Next month I am off to see Valentino Rossi with Carolina and then I'm still on the hunt for a bloke to take to Barbados at Christmas. I asked Blondie if he wanted to go but he hasn't said "yes" yet. The Most Beautiful Man in the World said that he would come with me but I'm not sure even I could handle him for 2 weeks in a foreign country. Together we encourage each other to go double nuts. You know the scene from Friends where they're on the aeroplane and Rachel throws water over Ross's crotch to make it look like he's wet himself? Well, that's me and TMBMITW. The last time we went shopping to Lakeside together, we ended up having a water-fight in the middle of the shopping centre. He ended up pinning me on the floor and pouring a 2 litre bottle of mineral water over me (that was after I'd pulled his tracksuit bottoms down in the middle of a shop and poured my own 2 litre bottle of water down the back of his pants)! I love him but he's as bad as me when it comes to naughty behaviour - together we just get worse and worse. It's the whole world's worst nightmare! Blondie - I'm more than happy to go away with you......
Gonna go now. I'm dying for a wee and I've got a chocolate cake sitting waiting to be eaten. Me and Tony are smoking the place out while we sit here and write this. He's now looking at Jordan's Myspace page. We are all SOOOOOOOOOOOOO proud of Jord. He has reached the Number One spot on Myspace as top unsigned artist. To date, he has had more than 93,000 plays of his songs. NUMBER ONE UNSIGNED ARTIST folks!!!!! Do you hear me?!! I'm so proud and happy. He deserves it more than anyone I know and not even anything to do with the fact that he's my brother - he's worked his arse off for this since he was 15. He's the most talented person any of us know (by far) - his talent speaks for itself. Jord - I love you and I'm so f*cking proud of you. Congratulations!!!!! We're gonna get pissed tonight to celebrate. ha ha. Truly though, you do deserve it more than anyone and I love you so mush I can't even tell you. NUMBER ONE UNSIGNED ARTIST!!!!!!!
Really gotta go now - pee is starting to push it's way out and my belly hurts. Hope you're having fun and hope all my friends who aren't here are missing me like mad! Lauren..... What do you mean?!!!!!!!!!!! Ha ha. Sorry, private joke.
Loads of love and wet naked bodies in swimming pools at 5am
Jodie
xxxxx
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