Well hello. It's about midnight on Sunday night. I've had a very nice weekend thank you very mush. Can't even remember when I last wrote a blog and it's too late to check cos Dave is waiting for me to finish this so we can go to bed.
As you know, I've been writing the update for the paperback of my autobiography which is due out in the Spring. Friday I was writing all day. I had to switch my phone off in the end cos I kept getting calls distracting me from writing. I was a good girl and stayed in to get it finished. So, while everyone else was out getting drunk, I was working hard at my computer. Lauren came over to keep me company and we had a few chats when I took a break every now and then. We had a debate over whether to put the A-lister in the book that hassled me to go over to his one night a few months ago. The two sides of the situation are this: I put it in cos it's a great story, it's a part of my life, it's something people would want to know about and it highlights the fun of being famous (ie. Having someone you've dreamt of all your teenage life and had posters on your wall of, suddenly asking you to come over for some "fun") but..... if I put it in, he'll probably never speak to me again as he'll think I've sold out on him. What is a girl to do?! We discussed it for an hour or more, until eventually Lauren said "Just give the people what they want - put it in, and if he gets annoyed; blame me - tell him I told you to do it!" So, for now, it's in. Unless of course I chicken out tomorrow and take it out. I have a few hours left to decide as the courier isn't coming to pick up the copy until about midday.
Also, I have made the update a lot sexier (by that I mean more graphic) than the original book. Not that the book wasn't graphic anyway, but there were stories I purposely left out as I thought they would just be too mush for the British public. We all get up to naughty things but written down on paper, some of the naughty things I've done just seemed too naughty. This time, I haven't held back. I thought: it doesn't matter what I do, there will always be people who like me and people who hate me. There are a hell of a lot of freaks out there who spend their lives slating me and trying to find ways to be nasty or ruin things for me. Like the sorry people who set up whole internet chatrooms just to slag me off, when they've never even met me. Everyone thinks they know you and already has an opinion of you. It doesn't matter what I do, I won't change that, and I've given up trying to. My breakthrough came last week when I realised how sick people actually are. Wile my suitcase from Big Brother was on Ebay, one sicko registered as a potential buyer and started to place bids. My friend was selling the case for me and was keeping an eye on the bidding. He noticed the sicko and barred them from bidding. Why was this person sick?! Because when you want to place a bid on Ebay, you have to register and give yourself a user name. This one person had called themselves "Kim Banyard". As any of you who know anything about me will know, Kim Banyard is my best friend who was murdered three years ago. Sick, sick, sick. Don't get me wrong, I wasn't upset by it. I wasn't even shocked. Nothing shocks me anymore. My friend selling the case was more upset than me. He couldn't believe the sickness. Me, on the other hand, well, I just shook my head and got on with my day. It did turn my stomach for a split second but after that I realised that I'm not the one with the problem. This weirdo probably needs locking up, if truth be known, and clearly has severe mental issues. This is where my breakthrough came. I realised from the twisted person that for every nice person, there will always be a freak. Someone who's sick enough to use my best friend's name (even though she was brutally murdered) on an auction that he/she knows I am behind. Whoever the sicko is, they knew I would see or hear about the use of Kim's name and they knew it would upset me. That is exactly why it doesn't upset me. I won't let them. In a nut shell, it is also why I have decided to be as graphic as I like in the update of the book. When I wrote the first one, I tried to take other people into consideration. "What if young children read it?", "What if someone a bit prudish reads it?", "What if it offends someone?" I thought to myself as I purposely left out all the juiciest bits. Trust me, I had stories for it that would have made your toes curl! One in particular, even I thought was so near the mark, it was disgusting! So, the rude and graphic stories were left out. To be honest, the stories weren't anything people haven't done before, the world over. Most people get up to naughty things in and out of the bedroom and I've always been wild when it comes to sex. I don't see anything wrong in it and I don't see anything wrong with a woman in the 2000's admitting she likes sex. Some old fogeys, however, still think it's wrong and gross for a woman to behave in such ways and admit to it. Apparently, men talk about sex - they're studs; women talk about it - we're sluts. It's pants but it's true. That's why I left a lot of stuff out. When the book came out, a few journalists moaned to me that it wasn't sexy enough (even though if I'd have put more sex in it, these same journalists would have called me a slag) so this time around, I have gone with Lauren's theory - Give them what they want!!!!
You want sex? You got it! And, boy is it an interesting read. The way I see it now is this: if you don't want to read about it - don't buy it. If you don't like me - don't buy it. I'm not forcing anyone to buy it or read it. If you want an interesting story and you're not a prude, then you'll f*cking love it!!
I am now of that same feeling for everything in my life: you don't like me?! I don't care. I can't please all of the people all of the time and I don't even want to. My friends and family know the real me and that's all that matters. So, for that, I'd like to thank the sicko who used Kim's name on ebay. You have done me the biggest favour of anyone in the last three years. You have made me realise that I don't care about how I'm perceived anymore and I don't care whether people love me, hate me, or just think I'm alright; cos no matter what I do, no matter how many charities I work for, no matter how mush money I raise for good causes, no matter how long I stand on the red carpet signing autographs (2 hours was my record!) cos I feel bad if I walk past everyone without giving them what they want: there will always be a freak like you who wants to ruin it for everyone.
Everyone who is looking forward to the updated sexual and titillating paperback can also thank the freak on ebay. It's because of them that I decided to give it my all!
Writing aside, I spent Saturday lying around at home in my beautiful new house. Jordan, Russ, Max and Marge and Parge came to visit Dave and I. Marge and Parge called on the way back from Lakeside saying "Get the coffee on, we've got Krispy Kreme doughnuts and we're on our way over!" Joy! I've got the whole of Brentwood addicted to them! It was a very nice afternoon. My dad then did a little more work around the house for me, including putting up huge mirrors in my bedroom. At 6pm, me and Dave were picked up to go to Leeds for a night out. We went to the new Gatecrasher nightclub, which I have to say was fab!!! We had a posh hotel booked for the night and I realised on entering the hotel that I had packed everything I needed, except my make up brushes. Any make-up artist will tell you that it's almost impossible to do good make up without brushes. It's like being a guitarist in a band and turning up to a gig without your guitar! I ended up having to do my make up with cotton-buds! Good job I had loads of those with me! It was a nightmare though. Try blending eye-shadow with a hard little lump of cotton wool; it's not easy! Even so, I managed it and went out looking like a drag queen. Sammy Jo from Scissor Sisters was DJ-ing at the club and we went behind the decks to meet him. He was lovely! Also there DJ-ing afterwards was Mark from the old group S-Express. He was lovely too. We had such a good night. We spent a lot of it sitting in a sunken booth. The VIP booths are sunken into the floor so you go down steps to get into them and are then staring at everybody's feet, walking past above you. It's great - it puts a whole new angle on the night!
We ended up driving back instead of staying at the hotel. We realised that if we stayed, we'd end up lying in bed all of the next day in the hotel so, since we had a driver for the night, we took advantage of it and got him to take us home. We got in at 6.30am this morning. We did go straight back to bed but were up again by midday and have had a nice day of watching Monkey Business. We are both totally hooked on the program. The series had just come to an end and we have withdrawal symptoms already! We now know all the 162 monkey/ape residents of Monkey World in Dorset by name and I sat and cried when on the last episode the 39 year old chimp Rodney died. Lauren came over and watched it with us and then we all went for a carvery. Lauren treated me and Dave, which was very nice of her. We stuffed ourselves silly and came back to lay on the sofa. Jord had his gig tonight but by the time we got back, we couldn't move and we were late already. Instead, Jord came straight to mine after the gig and made himself some food. We have been sitting watching TV and talking ever since.
There was an article in the Sunday Mirror about me and Dave today. We went and got it after Dave's friend told him we were in there. I don't usually look at the papers anymore, but it was Dave's first time in one so we wanted to see it. Very pleasantly surprised to see they were actually being nice! Well, apart from saying that I use fake tan and look orange. How many times have I got tell people I'm dark-skinned?! When they handed me to my mum in the hospital, she thought they'd given her an Indian baby and tried to hand me back! I actually got racially bullied at school for my dark skin; the kids used to shout "Paki" at me! I did go to school with a load of d*cks though. Anyway, apart from the old fake tan quips, the article was very nice and for the first time in ages I actually smiled at a newspaper! A good end to a good weekend!
Oh, and by the way: you've probably heard but I am in the new Streets video with Mike Skinner!! He's the person I said a little while ago on the blog that I got to work with and I'm a big fan of. The video is the nuts! I felt honoured to be asked to do it and I had the best day ever filming it! Mike is a legend and the song is amazing. I'll write more about it tomorrow.
Dave is now going to bed and I am going to join him. It's been a lovely weekend, I've written another 30,000 words for the book this week and while I'm in writing mode; I'm going to start on my first novel tomorrow. I'm feeling very excited. I already know what it's going to be about and I have lots and lots of material for it (basically all the stuff from my past that I felt too rude to put in the autobiography). I hope you have all had a good weekend. I'll write again tomorrow while everyone is at work.
My sincerest thanks again; to the freak using my dead friend's name, may she rest in peace. You have made me realise that I don't give a sh*t what people think of me. I'm Jodie Marsh, I'm happy with my life, I won't change for anything or anyone and if you don't like me, then don't look at me. You're the one with issues. I'm happy and my book is now better for having had your sick stab at trying to upset me! In fact, my whole life is better. I will never again get bothered by what people say or think. And a little piece of advice whoever you are: get some professional help - quick!
Lots of love to all you nice, normal people out there
xxxxx
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