I've just watched a great film called Kidulthood. Ray Winstone's daughter is in it and my mate Ray Panthaki had something to do with the actual production of it (he was the one who told me to get it). It's based around playground bullying. It's quite sad (by that I mean it doesn't exactly make you feel great!) but it's very good. It made me think a lot about bullying (and also reminded me of when I was bullied myself at school). One of the girls in the film kills herself because of the intense bullying she is suffering. The girl is by far the prettiest girl in the school. Obviously the first thing you think when she dies is "God what a waste of such a young and beautiful girl". It's really upsetting but at the same time uplifting. The reason it's uplifting is that watching her hang herself (I'm speaking now from an adult's point of view) and seeing HOW MUCH of a waste; it makes you realise that NOBODY should ever be able to make you feel that way. Like the text that Sarah sent me the other day said: "nobody can make you feel inferior without your consent" (or something along those lines) and it's true.
I know that if you're at school and being bullied there's probably not a lot you can do about it; but take the beautiful girl from the film out of that school and she could have done anything she wanted to in life. She could have been a model even (this is pointed out in the film). I know it's not real, it's only a film but for the purpose of this I'll pretend it is real. If that girl had realised how mush more there was to life and how she could have gone on to not only have a great life but to escape the bullies eventually and do whatever she wanted then perhaps she wouldn't have killed herself. The problem she faced was that nobody helped her. Nobody told her that it wouldn't be that way forever. Nobody stuck up for her and nobody showed her what could have been.
When you're being bullied at school, you don't realise there's a big wide world out there. You think you were put on the earth to be picked on and you think you will NEVER have friends. You believe all the nasty things the people say about you and think it will always be that way for you. It's only when you leave school (or certainly it was for me) that you realise how different real life is (and you realise how small and insignificant your school days are). Now of course school IS important in terms of getting an education so that you can better your position in life; but that's ALL it is. As long as you do well in your lessons and exams then you've done what you needed to do. Other than that it means nothing and certainly at age 27, I now consider it to be so long ago (and such a relatively short period in my life) that I barely even remember most of my class mate's names. That's not because I'm forgetful or even being a bitch; I genuinely struggle to remember stuff about school. Of course I remember all the taunts, insults and footballs being kicked at my head that I suffered but most of the worst culprits who instigated it (or set out to make my life a misery for fun) are still total losers now. And that leads me nicely onto my next point.....
Imagine if I had killed myself way back when I considered it at age 14?! Imagine the hurt and grief my parents, brother and others would have suffered. Imagine dying at such a young age and then imagine you did it for an ugly, spotty, greasy-haired, brainless twat that now works in an abattoir and probably has a bad dose of the clap from some minging bird he shagged once drunkenly. I'm not describing anybody in particular here; I'm just giving examples. That spotty boy, in effect, would have killed me if I'd let him. And there's the tragedy. In the film the girl kills herself over a loser boy who is picking on her. If it were real, the boy would either be a low-life drug-dealer by now or something similar; in other words he'd be a loser. She killed herself over a loser that will always be a loser. If she had been stronger; she could have moved away at some point when she was old enough, carved out a totally new life for herself and been enjoying every second of it. Hell, she could have been the next female Prime Minister! Instead she's dead and her bully is still scoring weed on the filthy streets of London.
I just wanted to say that because if anyone reading this is being bullied then I want you to think about it. Don't be a victim - be a survivor. Everyone has a choice in life and if you choose to be a survivor then you WILL be one. School is NOT the be-all and end-all (even though it may feel like that now) and one day you will realise how mush more there is out there. I don't ever have to see the people who bullied me if I don't want to. I could move to Barbados tomorrow and they would be gone from my life. The only reason I stay in my home town is because they don't bother me, I want to stay here for now and I feel nothing but pity when I see my bullies. It's not like any of them went on to become brain surgeons or astronauts. They're all just normal people who skulk around Brentwood. They don't scare me or hurt me anymore and in fact I owe my whole career to them! I wanted to be a lawyer at school but after 6 years of being called "ugly" and "big-nose" I decided that the only way to prove to them (and myself) that I wasn't, was to make it onto the front cover of a lads magazine. I reckoned that would finally prove I wasn't ugly. Of course it DOES prove that. To my knowledge, Nuts and Zoo magazines don't tend to put mingers on the front! Fifty magazine covers later I'm happy. MORE than happy. People can say what they like about me but I've achieved nearly everything I ever wanted to and I'm still only 27. I didn't let those stupid kids kill me or ruin me. I just got bigger and better and more successful than them. Now I see them every so often and they still can't look me in the eye. They know what they did and they also know who's laughing now. I'm not saying I did all this (my career) to get revenge on them and I don't even take any pleasure from the fact that half of them can't pull a bird or don't have any money but I do know that when I see them; the reason they can't look me in the eye is because they are ashamed of themselves and they KNOW that in fact they have turned out to be all the things they said I was! You see, it's gone full circle. At school I was the ugly one. I was the loser and I was the one nobody wanted to be friends with. Now though everyone wants to be my friend, I get free stuff thrown at me on a daily basis. Companies/designers want me to wear their clothes and shoes, I am in demand, doing a job I love, making good money AND I'm a nice person with amazing friends. The people who bullied me (I'm talking about the ones who still haven't ever apologised and who can't look me in the eye) are your run-of-the-mill, not-that-good-looking bloke who nobody really notices (apart from maybe to ask "is he ill?" cos he looks so thin, pasty and spotty). The thought now of killing myself over a bloke like that is just hysterically funny and terrifyingly scary at the same time. I'm so glad I survived!!!!
Anyway, go get Kidulthood - it's a great film (even my brother liked it which is saying a lot!)!!!
Today I have been doing all the stuff I should have done ages ago. I've sorted out lots of boring things like registering with a new GP and made appointments at places like the Opticians. After I'd got everything sorted I went into Brentwood to get some food and then I met Tony to go and join a gym. There's a new gym in Brentwood (or we thought there was - it's not open yet!). Nevertheless we got our memberships and as soon as it opens we are going to get fitter than fit!
After that I picked Rusty up and went for an Indian with Jord, Tony, Pants, Max, Rusty and Lauren. After the meal Jord, Tony and Pants came back to mine to watch the film. Just before the film we watched that program about celebs training to be hairdressers and beauticians (my mate told me to watch it cos his sisters on it). John Alford is on it. He used to be in London's Burning. I fancied him like mad years ago. He was sooooooo fit! Unfortunately he got caught doing coke and ended up in prison for a bit. He now looks sooooooo rough! I'm not being horrid for no reason here - I do have a point! My point is that we all got chatting and realised that everyone we know (or have known) who has ever done vast amounts of drugs now looks totally haggard! I don't know what effect the drugs have on a person's skin (clearly they're not good for you in any way) but they seem to do something to make you look twenty years older than you are and very very ugly. John Alford is a mess. He's gone from total heart-throb (in my eyes) to hideous bloke I wouldn't touch with Lauren's! It's got to be the drugs cos it only seems to happen to people who do drugs. Of course everybody ages and people's looks can change but it's something about druggies (or ex-druggies) that they all look the same - flat grey skin, haggard and drawn. See kids - it's not cool to do drugs and it's definitely not cool to be a bully.
Ok, I'm tired now and I desperately want to go and read my new book. It's one that Emily recommended to me so I will let you know what it's like when I get more into it. Tomorrow I am filming the Russell Brand show for MTV - No 1 Leicester Square. I'm on it with Meatloaf and Vinny Jones!! Ha ha - I can't wait! I think it's being shown next Tuesday - I'll let you know.
Lots and lots of love
Jodie
Xxx
P.S If you think someone is being bullied then go and ask them if they're ok. Be their friend (even if it's in secret) because no doubt that "victim" will go on to do great things in life and they will always remember the people who were nice to them when they needed it. Being bullied is the worst thing ever (especially when you're young and at school). It's lonely and scary and you honestly don't see any way out. If you asked around you'd probably find that most celebs were bullied at some point in their life - I know LOADS who were. It was the very thing that gave them the determination to succeed in life. Don't be a victim - be a survivor. YOU have the choice and nobody can take that away from you. And as for the bullies? Well, they're just not worth killing yourself over!
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