I would settle for an ugly bloke with a big one though. Right now I'd settle for any bloke. This sleeping on my own in a Kingsize bed lark is beginning to bug me! I know it's a problem cos last night when Alex stayed I woke up to find myself wrapped around her. We were both just in our underwear and I had put my leg over hers and my arm round her waist! Ha ha. I'm sure she thought I was coming onto her! Really I was probably having one of my regularly occurring erotic dreams and cos I could feel another person's presence in the bed, I just sleepily assumed it was a bloke! Quite embarrassing though when you think about it! Good job Alex loves me! That said, we do drunkenly snog each other every time we go out so I suppose it's not too bad!
I'm even close to calling up the Great Kisser. I know he's a wrong-un and nothing but a messer who doesn't even deserve my breath (let alone my saliva and bodily juices) but I'm so badly frustrated that I might just crack and phone him. When a girl can't have what she really wants, she's got to resort to other measures. I can't believe I'm about to admit this but I came very close about 3 months ago to calling a male escort! How bad is that! I didn't do it obviously (my brain kicked in when I got given the number of a "gorgeous looking" male porn-star and escort) but I'm ashamed I even came close. I suppose I just thought that it would be easier to do that than to go out looking for a bloke who would only turn out to be a disappointment and/or sell a story on me. I don't really trust men these days (as you can imagine) and unless I know they care about the REAL me, not the famous one, then I'm not really interested. I figured (for one day) that a male prossie would just come over; give me what I need without any complications and I would be satisfied for a little while. I'm glad I didn't do it though!
Instead I will hold out for a guy that rides a bike, dances like Ben, can shag all day (if necessary), will get to know the real me and will make me laugh at least 10 times a day. Me and my mates decided a few months ago that we would make each other laugh at least 5 times a day so we took to sending each other jokes or just funny texts every hour. It was amusing for a while but I think it only lasted two weeks before it got too tedious!
For any fit motorbike-riding dancers out there who might be interested (must send a pic to my agent!), the real me is a geek. I play darts and card-games. I dance round my living room and sing at the top of my voice when driving my car. I love animals more than I love humans, I'm a strict vegetarian, I've got an IQ of 138 (so don't bother even trying to have a row with me cos you won't win and plus I don't tolerate arguments in a relationship). I'm cute and innocent and naïve at times, I'm a killer business woman and hardcore professional at other times. I'm a danger-freak and want to try everything life has to offer at least once. I live life to the full and don't like sitting around doing nothing (unless it involves watching a film with a fit bloke), I'm hyperactive and don't need mush sleep. I giggle and talk a lot and I HAVE to dance round a pole every time I come into contact with one. I'm very loving and caring and I will help anyone in need. The most important things in my life are my friends, family and dogs so you HAVE to get on with all of them. I have to write on my website at least once a day (but if you're capable of typing I will let you write whatever you want on it too!) and I have to have a double espresso at least once a day. I have to go on at least 4 holidays a year (but if I love you, I'll foot the bill if you can't afford it), I read lots of books (and don't even try to interrupt me while I'm reading! Ha ha), I have to go out clubbing at least once a week. I have to have a Sunday roast at my mums at least twice a month. I pull my hair extensions out everywhere (which is a really annoying habit I can't break) and I smoke (which I know is a disgusting and stinky habit but I just can't seem to stop at the moment). Apart from that I am THE perfect girlfriend. I will see to your every need, I will cuddle you, look after you, demonstrate amazing manners and politeness when needed and be dirty as Hell in the bedroom. I will always be there for you and I will never let you down. I will make you feel like the only man on earth and I will treat you like a king. I will wash your clothes (and my cleaners will iron them) and I will cook you dinner (although I won't cook meat - it's healthier to be vege anyway!). I will dress up for you, I will let you act out your wildest fantasies, I will introduce toys, cameras and anything else naughty you can think of. I will do anything I can to help you with your career and I will never suffocate you or try to control you. I will love you more than anything and show you the best time you've ever had. I will probably try and make you jump out of an aeroplane with me and I will probably force you onto a red carpet at some point just so I can show you off to the world. All in all, I'll give you everything you could ever need and all I want in return is for you to understand me, listen to me, be there for me and give me great sex. Any takers? Roll up, roll up...... everyone's a winner! Ha ha.
Seriously, any motor-bike riding dancers get in touch. I'm fed up with being single now and I'm fed up with looking at things I can't touch. I need to find a boyfriend and fast cos I really do want to go to Italy and Marbella in the next few weeks (and I still need a bloke to go to Barbados at Christmas with) and I don't want to go alone. I need some loving in my life. All around me are happily loved-up people and I want to be one of them! I want to be part of you happy little group of regular-sex-getters. I want to wake up every day smiling (not that I don't anyway but I'd like to wake up smiling cos there's a gorgeous man in my bed and not cos Lyla has just licked my face all over - nice as it is of course!). I'm fed up being propositioned by pervy men (who are only interested cos they think I'm easy or because I'm famous). I want to be able to say "have you met my boyfriend?", no, make that "husband" cos the next bloke I fall in love with I'm going to marry. I've made my mind up! If I don't do it now I'll never do it and what's marriage anyway - a piece of paper. It's not that big a deal. Even if it doesn't last, at least I can say I've been married! I nearly did it with Kenzie. We came very close to running off and doing it. It was only my mum crying down the phone that stopped us. She said she wanted to be there if we did it! I just wanna wear a white dress and a garter that my bloke can take off with his teeth at the end of the night. In fact, we all know I'll probably end up doing it on a beach in a bikini but either way; I just wanna do it sometime soon. Ha ha. By tomorrow there will have been yet another development and I'll be saying "I NEVER want to get married!" - I change my mind so quickly! Who cares. Life is there to live and getting married is on my list of things to do before I'm 30, along with having sex whilst getting a tattoo, quitting smoking and moving abroad.
I had better be off. I've got loads to do tonight. And I do need an early night to prepare myself for tomorrow. If I don't write again before tomorrow night, remember to watch me. Channel 5, 8.30pm, the All Star Talent Show. Watch my grinning face as I dance with the sexiest man on earth and watch me cry when it finishes! Ha ha. Please do ignore the horrible peeling back! I've just got back off holiday and I can't stop shedding skin everywhere I go. I hope you enjoy the performance as mush as I will enjoy giving it.
A HUGE thank you to Ben and Vanessa (and Channel 5) for giving me this opportunity. It has been all my dreams come true to work with you! You have been amazing and I will cherish these memories forever. I've loved every second of it and I am so honoured to have worked with you. Ben and Vanessa, please stay in touch! I am going to take you out when you get a night off to say thank you properly! I will try and do you both proud tomorrow night but even if it all goes wrong on the night then it doesn't really matter. What matters is that we've had amazing amounts of fun and we've laughed non-stop. That's what life is all about. Making friends and laughing and having fun. You are two very special people and have been nothing but lovely to me. I will be very sad for this to be over and if ever get the chance to go on Celebrity Strictly Dance Fever or Come Dancing then I'm not doing it unless Ben is my partner and Vanessa is our coach. You are both amazing and I truly thank you from the bottom of my heart for not judging me, for being nice to me and for making me look half-elegant (something I never thought would happen! Ha ha). You two have the REAL talent and I only hope that tomorrow night I can sparkle half as mush as you do. Thank you thank you thank you thank you!!!!! You're gorgeous and kind and funny and I will be gutted come 11pm tomorrow when I have to say "goodbye".
If I do end up doing well and looking amazing you all know it is purely down to Ben and Vanessa. They are the real stars here and have truly lifted me at a time when I needed it! I had a terrible start to this year (with Big Brother) and I've had some big ups and downs. If I had to say the best thing about this year, it has definitely been doing this show and working with Ben and Vanessa. It was only a few months back that I was watching them both on TV. I was shouting at the TV that I agreed with Vanessa about each performance and I was dribbling over Ben. I can't believe that now I am actually working with them! Fate is a funny thing you know - I truly believe in it and I think it has played a part in me doing what I'm doing now. I can't think of anything I'd rather be doing than this (especially as I needed to do something to celebrate when my murdering ex got locked up for a minimum of 11 years!). It's been amazing!!! I know if Kim were still alive she'd be saying "e's well fit babe! Lucky cow!" about Ben and I know that she'd be laughing at me trying to be elegant in my posh frock. Oh well, hopefully she'll be watching me tomorrow when I perform with my totally unavailable Mr Right!
Wish me luck! Let's hope I don't trip over when they get me in the long dress! I've got all my fingers and toes crossed for myself! I'm so excited I just know I won't sleep tonight! Carolina has just arrived to watch the video of me and Ben from yesterday. See.... It's not just me; none of us can get enough of him!
Ben - even if I get married and move abroad; if you ever become single then come and find me cos I promise I'll drop everything and give you a lifetime of happiness... you're gorgeous! ;)
Lots of love and excited hugs!
Jodie
xxxxx
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