It's 6pm, my cleaners are here. I stopped off at mine to pay them (I was going to go to my mums for a while) but I ended up staying for a chat about life with the cleaners. I had to confide in someone (other than the 49 people I've already told) about my desperation in wanting to whisk Ben away to Barbados and marry him on the beach! I showed them the video of him and they told me to "hang in there" cos one day if and when he's single, he might give me a minute of his time. Ha ha.
All day I've been racking my brains trying to think of somebody to invite abroad with me. I've promised my mate Peppe that I will get a flight over to Italy and stay in his hotel and I've also promised Linsey Dawn that I will go and stay with her in Marbella within the next two months. I don't mind going to Italy on my own (I might even drive instead of fly) cos the hotel is so luxurious that I can spend a week just laying on a sun-lounger next to the infinity pool and the rest of the time in the gym there (getting fit for my next boyfriend, whoever that may be!). Marbella, however is a different story. I don't want to go there on my own to stay with Lins and Mark cos I'll feel like a right gooseberry. I NEED a man to take with me for a dirty week of fun. TMBMITW can't come cos he's really busy at work and cannot even take one day off, let alone a week (even though he desperately wants to). The fit barman can't come cos he's in Cyprus living his wonderful life and I wouldn't even ask him to be honest. That only leaves one other person on the planet that I'd be happy to take (and that's Ben and he's unavailable). I don't know anyone else that I'd be happy to take to stay in Lins and Mark's mountain-top mansion. It's gotta be someone I want to shag the arse off (cos there's no point going with someone I don't fancy) but it's also gotta be someone that will respect Lins and Mark's house and will want to party with us and who will just relax and have a great time. It's virtually a free holiday so you'd think it'd be easy to find someone willing to go (well, both are free holidays to Italy and to Linsey's). It's not easy though cos the only three men on the planet I would even think of giving a free holiday to (and be happy to go with) are hideously taken and/or busy. Bummer!
I've just walked outside to find Paddy licking his paw, which is dripping with blood. I've now bandaged it up and he is hobbling round the room asking for sympathy. Lauren is giving him cuddles as I write this. My dad has also been up to see him and give him a cuddle. I don't know how he cut it but other than the fact that it won't stop bleeding, it doesn't look serious.
Today me and Jord have been over to Great Dunmow to a motorbike showroom. Jord is still trying to decide what bike to buy after passing his test a few months ago. He keeps trying to get me to put him on the insurance for my R6 but if I do that then we won't be able to go out riding together. The very point of him doing his motorbike test was so that I would have someone else to go out riding with. Right now, I only have motorbike Paul and my ex Scott Sullivan - neither of which is free mush (Paul works hard and Scott plays hard). Carolina is doing her bike test too so when she passes she'll buy a bike straight away and we can dominate the roads on our sports bikes together. Personally I don't ever feel sexier than when I'm riding my bike. I love pulling up on it and taking my helmet off in front of a group of lads. It's such a kick. I get off on anything dangerous though. Throw me out of an aeroplane or put me on the back of a bike doing 200mph and I'll be in my element. I even got a bloke's willy out doing 153mph on a bike once but that's not something you need to know.......
Me and Jord are going back to the showroom next week to test-ride a few of the bikes (I might treat myself to another one - they've got a customised pink one in the shop!). I can't wait til Jord gets one - we'll be out riding every day! The only thing stopping me from being out on my bike every day at the moment is that it's not as fun on your own! The next boyfriend I get will HAVE to ride a bike I reckon. And if he doesn't already ride then I'll make him do his test!!! I need a biker in my life (as well as a man who can dance!).
A dancing biker - THAT'S my perfect man. So.... To be eternally happy, I either need to go out with Ben and buy him a bike or I need to go out with Valentino Rossi and get Ben to teach him to dance! Ha ha. I'd be happy with either. Oooooh and there's a thought.... Ben and Vale together. Stop it! You know how mush I love two men together. Gay porn is the best!!!! Did I tell you a bought a load of gay porn?! Ha ha. Can't beat it!
Tonight I am taking it easy cos I'm being picked up at 6am for tomorrow night's show. The show doesn't start til 8.30pm but we have a few dress rehearsals to do and all the hair and make-up and stuff. So, I'll be starting at 8am and I won't finish til about midnight. My mum, dad, Lauren, Jord, Carolina and Kyle are coming to the live show. They are all so excited (although not quite as mush as me!). Alex didn't want to come cos she said she'd be no use. She reckons she'd just cry all the way through the routine (which I know she would!). She sobbed all the way through my boxing match last year (but then I was taking killer blows to the head!). I'm the same though. Every time my brother's bass player says at the end of one of Jordan's gigs "and give it up for the great Jordan Marsh!" and the crowd screams, I burst into tears out of sheer pride and love for him! We're such an emotional bunch! Ha ha. We always feel so proud and weepy when any one of us does something amazing! Hopefully the lot that are coming will just scream and shout when I finish dancing! I don't want any tears cos I'll probably be crying myself when it's all over - I don't want it to end!!!!
I planned to take Ben and Vanessa and some of the crew to Stringfellows tomorrow night after the show. I was going to get them all a naked lap-dance each to say "thank you" for all their help but unfortunately Ben and Vanessa are working early Saturday morning so they can't go. Hopefully I'll take them another time. I just know they'll love it! Plus, I get the full VIP treatment in there so we'll be well looked after. It's been a while since I, myself, had a naked girl wiggling her bits in my face so I'm very mush looking forward to a trip down there! It's such a turn-on to go to a place like that with a bloke. It gets you all fired up for a tremendous session when you get home. Although, that said, I'd NEVER let my boyfriend go to a strip club without me. I've seen too many married men in my time begging strippers to go home with them! Never trust a man that says he wants to go to a strip club without you! If you're with him, its fine cos you know you're going home together but if not, forget it!!! I've seen enough to know that really, you can't trust any man! I don't know why sometimes I still do to be honest. I suppose it's the old romantic in me that still holds out hope for there being that magical one out there somewhere that will love me more than anything. Well, that and the fact that I'd wear him out so mush in the bedroom that he wouldn't need to go elsewhere! As the famous wife of a rock star once said "to keep him faithful, you need to give him a BJ before he leaves the house EVERY single time he goes out!" I fully agree! If your man is highly sexed then you need to make sure you give him enough! I always make sure I give my men exactly what they need. Ok, so none of my relationships have lasted but that's why I have "heart-breaker" tattooed on my leg. I give them so mush they don't ever wanna lose me and inevitably it's always me who ends it (when they've gotten greedy and tried to take too mush - ie. Fran and £70,000 - that or they turn into a love-sick puppy and follow me round all day!). Anyway, I might still take my mates to Strings if they're up for it. I could do with seeing some punani, it might make me forget about men for a bit.......
So, I am definitely going to go and see Peppe in Italy. Jordan is up for going but said he might bring a girl (which is why I want to take a bloke). Even if I do end up going alone though it'll be fine. The one I can't face doing alone is going to Linsey and Mark's. They're newly married and very mush in love. That's about the last thing I need to be stuck with for a week when I can't even get a one-night stand, let alone a man to marry me! ha ha. It's no big deal, I know I can go to Marbella at any time so when a bloke does "rise" to the occasion, I'll whisk him out there for some fun. It's a shame cos Linsey has also pretty mush hated all my boyfriends (In fact Kenzie is the only my whole family and all my friends have actually liked!) but I just know she'd LOVE fit barman, Ben and TMBMITW. Lins and Mark are the loveliest couple, they get on with everyone they meet, they're warm and kind and funny and generous. They would welcome anyone I took there with open arms. They just care about me and don't want to see me with yet another wrong-un. That's why it's even more of a nuisance that I know they would happily give their blessing to any of the three men dominating my thoughts right now. It's always the way though, I guess, you can't have everything you ever want in life. There has to be a cut-off point and you have to make sacrifices. I've got the job I always wanted, I've got the BEST family and friends in the world, I've got the income I always wanted, I'm healthy and happy - I just can't get the man I want. That's my sacrifice. Someone up above is saying to me "Jodie, you can't have it all - everything else in your life is perfect - you've gotta forego the nice man part!" Ok, ok I'll just either be single forever or I'll settle for second best. If it carries on like this, I reckon give it another two years and I'll settle for going back out with Fran! Ha ha. I'm lying - I don't ever want to see his big sweaty face again. He thought that towards the end of our relationship I was making him wear a gimp mask during sex cos it was a turn-on but really it was cos I couldn't stand to look at him. I used to enjoy the sex (with gimp mask) and pretend to myself that really I was shagging Eminem. Ha ha. And you think I'm joking......
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