Hello everyone it's Jordan here. Jodie's Brother.
Im going to keep this relatively short as I'm a man of few words.
Welcome to the nuthouse.
Im sitting here with Emma Greenwood and I have been asked to write Jodies Blog. I am moaning that I don't really know what to write and everyone is having a go at me saying just write the first thing that comes into my head. Emma just said I should be able to write loads as I am Jodie's sister. Emma, I think you mean 'brother'. Anyway, I will let her get away with it as she makes me laugh. I think she sounds a bit like Janice Batersbea. Is that spelt right? Has anyone been watching Corrie lately? Status Quo? Whats going on.....?
At the moment we are all trapped in the study. I came in here to check my emails and now I find myself writing on my sister's website. I sometimes feel like we are the bad people from Superman who are banished to those panes of glass forever but only we are banished to my mum and dads study. There are already 58 fag butts in the ashtray and its only 7.30. I don't smoke, it stinks, and I have just taken off my shoes which means as soon as I stand up off this chair my feet will automatically resemble that of a woolly mammoth. That is because our whole house is covered in hair from Jodie's hair extensions. In a way, I can't wait for her to move out and take her hair extensions with her. But I know she will be back here more than in her own house anyway and will blatantly be ringing me in the middle of the night when she hears a hedgehog in the garden.
So all the troops went out last night to the Sugar Hut and then to 195 in Epping. They were being filmed for the tv show Booze Britain. I said I didn't want to be filmed but I would pop in Sugar Hut and watch for a bit and have a quiet beer. I didn't really feel like drinking as I got so battered on Weds night. I don't really know why Jodie was doing a show called Booze Britain as she hardly really drinks these days! Russ, myself and Tony are the drinkers of the group really, and school teacher Lauren who secretly sneaks a hipflask of rum into her lessons (joke).
They all went on to 195 after Sugar Hut though I haven't really asked if everyone had a good night or not yet. I couldn't face it last night as I don't have a BMW or a pair or loafers (sorry Rusty) so I just had a couple of pints and then came home for a nice cup of tea. I'm getting quite into green tea these days, though if I feel like letting my hair down I will get the Harrods tea from the back of the cupboard.
Weds was a good night, for my lot anyway. We went to the ten year anniversary of the Sports Cafe in London. It was a free bar all night which was very nice so I did have a little bit of a celebration. I was with a crowd and some members from my band and Jodie was going to come and meet us after a charity event she was hosting at some club in Soho. (Lauren just farted) But Sarah turned up on her own with a fat lip! I was steaming drunk so found it hard to work out what had happened but Jodie said I was ranting on the phone to her for half an hour trying to find out what was going on saying I was going to ring Dave Courtney and he was going to sort it out. Can you imagine it at 3am 'hello Jave? it's Dordan..' not a good idea. So basically some old trout had given my sister a slap and another one had punched Sarah. I have since found out that the one who hit Sarah was a geezer in drag! What is coming to the world? What sort of Man hits a woman? Loser. Anyway, who was this bird who hit my sister? I hear she is sometimes in low budget porn films? Well what goes around comes around.
Anyway enough ranting there is already enough violence is this world. Onto something nice.. Im going up to the Wood tonight, (thats brentwood) with Russ but I think I'm going to drive so it will be a sober one. Although everytime I say that I end up leaving my car somewhere for four days and getting right on it. Jodie, Emma and Lauren said they are gonna stay in and go on a ghost hunt tonight which I'm sure will be fun. We did a ouiji board once and paddy flipped out and bit a chunk out of my nose which is why I have a little piece missing from my nostril. Not because of drugs. I am totally anti drugs and it really f~cks me off when people ask me where they can get some 'gear' . Especially pretty girls.... Not attractive sniffing off a toilet seat. Hold on, I've got writers block......
Right well I suppose I better say something about Jodie as it is her website and not mine.. (which is under construction). Well what can I say about her.. I don't know why all these people give her such a hard time in the magazines, I gave up reading papers and magazines a long long time ago as it was just stressing me out. But I still hear all the stuff they say and sometimes it's really upsetting. But like they say, no publicity is bad publicity and she's making her living her way, and doing it very well. She is not really the person you see in the papers, she normally bumming about in the same tracksuit for a week at a time. (Lauren is now asleep on the floor) Jodie goes out of her way to help people, especially me, and if I have a problem with someone, even when I beg her not too, she will be there giving it 'how dare you touch my brother..'
She is constantly used for her publicity by people and businesses even though half the time it doesn't benefit her (ie. clubs using her name to promote a night without even asking her). A lot of people in the streets seem to have no respect for her, which I find disgusting. Like the other night, in one of our favourite family restaurants a table next to us abusing her loudly enough for us to hear.. You know who you are.. The more I think about it, I realise they weren't actually doing it so that we would hear, they are just too downright ignorant to care. Have some common sense people. I guarantee you Anthea Turner doesn't have people shout 'get your t~ts out' in the middle of the road, but because of what Jodie does for a living (she only did page 3 three times anyway!) people just feel they can say things like that to her and it doesn't matter. Well it does. The other big problem is with people expecting too mush of her. Perfect example, two longtime friends of Jodie's asking her for some signed pictures for someone, (never a problem) but Jodie was waiting for her new picture cards to be printed as the person who wanted them was 10 and her old cards are not exactly suitable for a 10 year old! They weren't showing anything but she was covering her bits with boxing gloves! (she had specifically ordered new cards for their 10 year old friend) SO, after a couple of weeks of waiting, they start sending her abusive text messages saying that she doesn't care anymore about the people who really matter and all this bollocks! Guys, get over your own insecurities. Have some manners, and have some curtesy. Emma and Lauren are now spooning each other on the floor in their sleep! What would the world be like without some girl on girl eh?!!
I'm going to have to try and wrap this up soon as it's a friday night and the Gardeners Arms must be missing me. So what I am going to ask is, if you see my sister in the street, think before you shout some stupid or hurtful comment out, think about how your mother would feel if it were her daughter getting abuse from people who don't know her. If you do see her, go up to her and give her a cuddle, and tell her I told you to do it. And, to any journalists who write horrible things about her, please could you start writing something nice? She does a lot more good than a lot of other people out there. (apart from running me over, pushing me out of a tree house and breaking my arm and fracturing my skull in two places) .
Anyway.. (I'm sure I have said that three times already) Lauren and Emma are awake now and the room is full of smoke once again. Don't smoke kids, it makes you smell. I said I was going to keep this short but I am waffling now like my mother does. Not a foghorn. (private joke) Russ has just arrived and he smells very nice tonight, not like a certain mate of ours who woke up round Russ's house once.. having pooed the bed. The girls are staying in and I think Lewis is coming over later. I like Lewis (not in a gay way), he's a nice bloke. I never seem to get on with Jod's boyfriends. I liked James too. (Kenzie) He is still a mate who we see out and about. Oh and I liked James Hewitt aswell though she didn't go out with him I thought they would make a good couple. Enough!!
So thats it. I'm off now.. See you soon.. Jord. Baaaa
By the way, if you see any of our crowd dressed as Santa in any of the pubs in brentwood this year, I give you full permission to come over and tickle our beards! That was funny last year..
While I think of it, some bird came up to me last night and said "I always see you about but I never come and speak to you cos you're Jodie Marsh's brother". One word: twat.
Jordan
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