Well, hello people. Where shall I start today...... Oh dear, you know, sometimes, just sometimes I think it's too much effort. Too much effort to write, too much effort to go out, to much effort to even live! Just when you think everything is great and life is good, some hideous ugly twat appears and destroys a whole night just cos they are too sick and selfish to know any better. Here goes....
So, the fashion show last night? Brilliant! Me and Corey (an american basketball player) hosted the entire event at Tantra (remember on previous blog I said I'd never go there again - more about that later). All proceeds were going to Action Aid, which aims to put an end to world poverty (they make the wristbands "Make Poverty History". Shit club but great cause and great bunch of people! We didn't have a script so had to make it up as we went along, which was fine anyway cos I'm actually good at ad-libbing and can be really funny when I want to be. I was there from 5pm til midnight. I didn't get paid a penny for my services (obviously as the whole thing was for charity) and nor did anyone else. The night was a raging success and everyone had a great time with Kemal being one of the highlights! He walked down the catwalk the first time, in a kind of toga ensemble with a half-naked man on a dog lead on all fours! The second time he appeared, he was wearing strings of beads, pants and not a lot else and he did a belly dance! The organisers were worried that it might have been in bad taste as we were raising money for starving children but he went down a storm! The crowd loved him! In between hosting and the acts performing, I was encouraging people on the microphone to buy T-shirts (the "Bollocks to Poverty" ones) and to give money to the cause. I must have been on stage 2 hours or more and then had to pose for pictures for the paparazzi and fans for another good hour. Once I had packed up all my stuff and Kyle had arrived to meet me, we decided that since it was still early (it was midnight), we'd head off home and get a decent night's sleep as we are filming a tv show today.
On our way out of the club, Sarah and Kyle said that they'd like to buy a T-shirt and also give some money to the cause as they hadn't yet given any so we went over to the Action Aid stand and started going through the different size tops to find which ones they wanted. Sarah chucked a load of notes in the charity pot and we turned to go.
Just as I'm walking away, some hideous, ugly, fake-boobed (and they're not even good fake boobs; they're rock hard, wonky, funny shaped and set so far apart you could park a car in between them) nutty beast of a girl grabs me on the arm and starts shouting in my face "What's your problem? Why don't you like me?" I recognised her from getting her tits out in the Sport a few times (don't worry, she's not famous so no point even telling you her name - you wouldn't know who I'm talking about). She's vile anyway and I've often seen her trying to get in VIP rooms at parties - you know the type. Desperate to be famous but not got the talent, looks or brains to ever really get there. Anyway, I shrug her off and try to move away; I'm thinking "she must be on drugs or pissed or something!" I don't know her, don't ever recall speaking to her and in fact the only thing I do remember about her is a time I opened the Sport to see a huge story that she had sold, stating that I'm a lesbian cos she groped me and felt my boobs and fanny in a nightclub toilet. Obviously not one bit true! If I was gonna get jiggy with a girl, I'd at least do it with a stunning one (didn't I already mention I'm saving myself for Pammie?) and on top of that, I've never even spoken to this girl, let alone been anywhere near her stinking arse! I was gonna sue the Sport for that story but couldn't be arsed with giving the slut any more attention than she'd already got off my back. Anyway, like I said, I'm thinking "She must have me mistaken for someone else cos I don't even know her!" when, next thing, she has hold of me again, really tight and is screaming in my face again that I'm horrid to her and she wants to know what my problem is! This time, I politely said "You are a very strange girl. You sold a story on me to the Sport saying that I'm a lesbian and that you practically had sex with me and I don't even know you! Get off me, you're very odd, I want nothing to do with you and I have nothing to say to you other than you are a liar." at this point, she punches me in the face. Smack in the middle of my face! Then she runs off to the corner of the room. Not wanting to let her get away with that (I wanted her thrown out at the very least - lets remember I hosted the entire evening and it was all for charity!) I followed her to confront her and ask now what her problem was. The funniest thing of all is that, even though she had punched me full on in the face, it didn't hurt - not one tiny bit! I almost wanted to laugh in her face and say "Is that all you've got?" but I think I was still in too mush shock that she had punched me at all! Bear in mind, I've fought Linsey Dawn in a serious boxing match in the ring. I do know how to knock someone out with one punch and believe me, Linsey was tougher than this maggot will ever be! Being hit by wonky boobs was like a tickle on the chin compared to my fight with Lins. Anyway, as I approach her, she lashes out again and punches me for a second time in the face. At this point, all my mates jump in between us and try to pull her off me, at which point, she spits in my face! A full on gathering of phlegm in the mouth which she then launched at me from point blank range! One word: filth. What a disgusting, pikee, tramp, hood-rat, trailer trash slut!!!!!!!! I'm stood there in my "Bollocks to Poverty" T-shirt after just hosting a 2 and a half hour event, I'm tired, I want to go home, I've worked my arse off with no script and no pay all for the good of the charity, to have a disease-ridden pikee desperado's spit running down my face!
While all of this is taking place, the tramp's mate has clocked that Sarah is my mate and has launched an attack on her! She hits her at least 6 times full in the face as well and cuts her lip, leaving her with a huge swollen fat lip and blood dripping down her chin! It later turns out that the beast 7 foot tall "thing" attacking Sarah is actually a man in drag (or quite possibly now a half woman - as he might have had his dick cut off by all accounts!). So, while all of this is taking place - guess what, there's not a doorman in sight! When Kyle eventually manages to track one down, he ambles over and doesn't even ask what's going on. He merely stands and watches from a distance as if observing a rowdy crowd in a pub! I'm now checking on Sarah, who's bleeding and we're all in a state of shock. Shall we press charges? Shall I walk back over and batter the tramp to a pulp? Shall we have her thrown out?
No point pressing charges - don't wanna give the attention-seeking freak any more press off my back, plus, no broken bones so she probably won't even get a slap on the wrist. No point battering her, for same reason as above - lets face it, she only attacked me to try and get in the papers anyway and she would have got what she wanted if I had fought back. Plus it's a bloody charity night and I'm nearly 27 years old! I will NOT cause trouble at a charity event (have some respect you silly little slag) and I'm a grown woman with no need to fight (unless it's in a ring for charity like last time). I can't think of anything more degrading or disgusting than two girls fighting in public. Trust me, it took every ounce of strength in my body to hold back from hurting her bad. She wouldn't have stood a chance against me (having been trained as a professional boxer) and I'd have loved to teach her a very hard lesson. Problem I faced, was not wanting to give her any press (which is what she wanted). If I had gone back at her, it would have been all over the papers that I had had a fight at a Charity event (if anything untrue does appear - I'll sue - be warned! I DID NOT have a fight - I was attacked! ). I'm too grown up to fight ugly little pikee girls in clubs and I'm too dignified. I might pose raunchily occasionally or wear skimpy outfits but actually, the real Jodie Marsh from Brentwood (ie. not the celebrity) is a lady with manners, respect and dignity.
Anyway, I'm not just telling you all of this for entertainment (although I know you love hearing about my f**ked up life), I'm telling you so that if you do see any stories whatsoever of me being invloved in a fight, you will know it's not true as I have already told you the truth and what really happened here on my website. Wonky boobs will live to regret it cos I will get her barred from every single event I ever work at again. Once we were over the shock of it all and able to laugh about it, Kyle made a great comparison. He said, it's like a wannabe actor in Hollywood who's never worked, going up to Robert De Niro and smacking him in the face, in the hope that he'd get famous from it! Ha ha ha. Love it. He's right though. What sort of deranged nobody walks up to me, or any celeb, and smacks them in the hope that they'd get themselves noticed?! Comedy! The desperation of her was also shown in that as she paraded down the catwalk (turns out she'd begged the organisers to let her model an outfit after turning up with one of the make up artists and telling them she "needed the work"), she got to the end of the run way and got her tits out. And they were worried about Kemal?!! We're raising money for starving kids and she's flopping her wonkers out in front of everyone! Charming. No, you're a slut. Actually, yet another example of her desperation was when she asked the film crew inside the venue if they would film her giving an interview about Kemal. He is making a show about Big Brother and what happens to the house-mates afterwards. I gave an interview after they asked me to as I am actually friends with Kemal and we speak on the phone every day. The film crew didn't even know who she was (no surprise there then) and Kemal has no clue either! How desperate can a person be?! Give up wonker, you're ugly, you've got awful tits, you haven't got a brain or a personality, you look like a man, yet unfortunately (or fortunately for me), you can't punch like one. You have absolutely nothing going for you and probably no friends either. Dirty, hideous, trashy bint with no class and no respect. It's no wonder you can't get work........
Anyway, the moral of the story is that I won't ever go to an event again without a minder and that the poor tramp (who doesn't even have a good punch going for her) will never work again if I have anything to do with it. That said, she's ruined her career by herself by having her own tits made different shapes and sizes! Nut nut. Also, I won't be going back to Tantra as they did absolutely nothing to protect me. I had hosted the entire night and yet their doormen didn't even help me when I was attacked! Outrageous! What the hell are they paid for if they won't do anthing in a crisis?!
Anyway, apart from the spot of bother from the fame-seeking beast and her trannie mate, the night was great and we all were proud of ourselves afterwards. Today, me and Kyle have been shopping in Brentwood and having lunch with Peppe and my brother. Peppe had a lovely story. After getting stranded at an airport in Italy yesterday, he managed to blag a lift, off a coach driver who had just finshed work, back to his house, which was a two hour drive away. He gave him some money, even though he didn't expect any - he was just being nice and doing him a favour. Once home, he realised he had left his mobile phone in the coach and called it, to speak to the driver, who was now another hour away on his way home, who said he would turn around there and then and bring it back. It was three in the morning by then and Peppe did not expect such kindness. It just goes to show that there are decent and lovely people out there! Amazing people who do things out of the goodness of their heart for others and who will no doubt, fly all the way to Heaven on a beautiful white horse. It's just a shame I never meet any of these people - all I get is pikees in night clubs who wanna take their jealousy and frustration out on me! Oh well, like I say, What goes around comes around....... Watch out tramp girl - your time is coming.......
At the end of the day, I'm a professional. For all mine and Jordan's differences, I would never want to fight her in public or otherwise and certainly not at a charity event (unless the fight itself was rasing a f**k load of money for charity). Take note, little girl, you have a hell of a lot to learn about this business. Or rather, you did have. Your career was over before it even began and that's why you had to resort to such sick and desperate measures to try and make people aware of who you are. Have some respect for yourself and others! At a charity event? For goodness sake, words and thoughts desert me.......
Thankfully I won't be seeing you any time soon as I won't appear at anywhere you are at (and I know who most people would rather book for a job between Jodie Marsh celeb and random wonky-boobed nobody). You, on the other hand, will be seeing plenty more of me, in all your favourite magazines and TV shows.
Take care people, have a great Thursday night. I'm off to film a tv show now with Kyle, Sarah, Lewis and Jonny and Emma (Greenwood from Big Brother). It's an hour long show about how I behave with my mates on a night out. Looking forward to it, will tell you all the gossip tomorrow.
Love and snogs and cut lips but still laughing over here in Brentwood.
Jodie (the famous model) Marsh
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