Today is a good day. I did a P.A in Hull last night. Emma and Jonny came with me. They turned up at mine Thursday for the filming and are still here on Sunday afternoon wearing the same clothes! What do you mean I kidnap people?! We had a laugh on the way up. We kept getting my minder to stop at different services so that we could stock up on chocolate and coffee. Stayed at the club for a couple of hours then made the four hour drive home again. Didn't get in til 6am, by which point, me and Em were wide awake cos we'd slept the whole way home. Jonny, who had been chatting to my minder the whole way was beyond tired but we kept him up another few hours chatting about lions at the Zoo anyway.
I have come to the conclusion that "Dangerous" (Michael Jackson) is the best album in the world ever. Every single song on it is a tune! Me and Jonny have been downloading songs all day for our ipods. I put a load of Barry Manilow on mine. Sad, I know, but I've been going to see him in concert since I was 5 years old with my mum. I can't get enough of Bazza and neither can my mum, who has an apron she wears for cooking that says "Barry gets me cooking" on it! Geek. Back to Michael Jackson though, I never believed he was guilty of all that stuff. Blatantly, it was just some pikees trying to make money off his back. I'm going through a similar thing at the moment (not sexual abuse charges!!!) but I've got a total dickhead trying to get money out of me cos I'm famous. He won't win. Anyway, I cried (and so did my mum) when Michael got let off cos we have been his biggest fans for years and neither of us believed he was guilty. He looked so frail and ill after the case and it was really upsetting to see. Very glad that his career seems to be back on track though. The man's a legend and if you put any one of his albums on, you remember just how amazing he is! Like yesterday listening to "Leave me alone" (think he wrote that one for me!), I had goosebumps throughout (or 'chicken-skin' as my German friend calls it). He truly is the King of Pop and I'll argue to the death with anyone that thinks otherwise
We're all getting very excited about me moving into my new house. I signed all the contracts this week so it won't be long now. I took Jonny and Emma to show them on Friday and we jumped up and down in the garden in a massive group hug. Everyone keeps asking me if Kyle is the designated interior designer and, yes, he will be one of them, but actually I want everyone to chip in. The house is just an empty shell at the moment so we're gonna have a field day buying furniture. I bought the first and most important piece the other day. A pole. Like, a stripper pole. It's to go in one of the lounges. It's being shipped over from America. Can't wait!!!
Some woman in the Guardian slagging me off yesterday. It was a picture of me taken from the charity fashion show wearing my "bollocks to poverty" top and she ranted on about how the kids in africa would be "mouthing thank you jodie, while they batted flies away from their mouths" - or something to that effect. Listen up bell-end.... I want to ask you one thing - What have you done for charity in the last week, or even last month, f*ck it, what have you done in your whole life?! Cos, in ONE WEEK ALONE, I have given a thousand pounds to Refuge, Raised a load of awareness for PETA (by parading round London in a chicken suit) by making the lunch-time news amongst other papers and tv shows and made a shit load of money for Action Aid by giving up my time to host a fashion show where I persuaded lots of people to give money and buy T-shirts. That, my dear, is just in a week's work for me. Now piss off, take your ugliness with you and don't ever write about me again. Unless you can stand up and categorically say that you have done more than I have for charity in your life time or that more people would actually listen to you. You don't and they won't. Slag.
The filming went well for the show Booze Britain by the way. We all got slightly merry - it couldn't be helped, at both Sugar Hut and 195, the waitresses kept piling drinks on our table. At one point we all ordered cocktails and Kyle picked what he thought was the best one. He ended up describing it as Battery acid and lemon barley. Not nice. I think I might have made a fool of myself on camera (although I'm not quite sure). I do remember saying "I'm a bit drunk now mummy", even though my mum wasn't there. It was a tribute to the same line that made it into the final cut of Essex Wives, which to this day, we still laugh about. I had people shouting that line at me in the street for weeks afterwards. Comedy.
Kenzie was in 195, coincidentally. I hadn't told him we were going so he was a bit shocked when he came over to say 'hello' and the crew stuck a camera in his face. He was being a little sod though and kept hugging me and kissing me in front of Lewis. The thing with Kenz is, that I can't say no to him. There's absolutely nothing going on between us but I love him like a brother. I would kill anyone that hurt him and I know we're gonna be friends forever. Lewis was fine about it cos I've explained all this to him but he did say at the end of the night "I don't think Kenzie likes me". Kenz was just taking the piss cos he can (cos he knows one look at his big brown puppy eyes and he gets away with murder - don't look at the eyes Jodie!). But, it all turned out alright in the end, with me, Lewis, Sarah, Jonny, Emma and Kyle going to get kebabs and taking them back to mine to share them with the dogs.
By the way, got an email from the organiser of the charity fashion show, here's part of it:
I just wanted to say a big thank you for helping us with the event. You were really good and the t-shirt you wore was great for the charity.
I feel so bad about what happened - I hope you are ok. I had no idea of who she was I've never even heard of her before, one of the make up artists just asked if she could bring along one of her model friends.
You being there made it a very special event and you are very kind and clever - thank you so much.
Thought you'd like that. I did. Random model spitting in people's faces. Filth. Also, found out that she was due to be part of a modelling competition in my local area soon where she stood to win a modelling contract. Such a joyful coincidence that the competition is being held at my mate's club. Obviously she has been barred from the Premises forever. We were gonna not even tell her at first, just make her come all the way to Essex with her bags off the train, then turn her away at the door, but we just couldn't be that cruel. It's enough that she's been dropped from the competition. What do I always say? Oh yeah, What goes around, comes around.......
Anyway people, gonna love you and leave for another day as I have to go get ready for my brother's gig. Lewis is very bored sitting beside me and starting to twitch his leg. New photo's will be in gallery soon so keep an eye out on a stalk for them....
Oh, and also, no I'm not doing "I'm a Celebrity bollocks". If they actually had real celebs on it then I might consider it but since now-a-days you only have to shag a celebrity (mentioning no names Fran Cosgrave) to get on it, it's turned into a bit of a joke. Credible people don't really do it. I definitely wouldn't do it unless I thought cool people were gonna be on it. Which, lets face it, isn't gonna happen. Knowing my luck, I'd get put out there with some random ex boyfriend of Jade Goody, Peter Andre, a woman that read the weather 25 years ago and a man who makes a living by dressing up as Crusty the Clown. Not for me. Give me Big Brother any day of the week. Brigette Nielson and Jackie Stallone?! NOW we're talking! They are real celebs and I'd love to do a show with people like that. It's actually one of the reasons I did Trust Me I'm a Holiday Rep - cos of Jordan Knight. We're talking about a man that sold 357 million records or something stupid. That, folks is a real star and a very interesting man! Shit.... just remembered that Jordan phoned me the other day and left me the longest voicemail in the world asking when I'm coming to America, when I'm gonna release a rap album (he wants me to) and calling me Jodie Marshall focker (his nickname for me) about 37 times in the one message. Must call him back now.......
Byeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
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