8th October 2005 - The one about having too much fun and no talent

Hello everyone, my name's Jodie Marsh and I'm suffering from the exhausting problem of having too much fun.

Last Summer as I mentioned in my book, I spent the whole time soul-searching. I hardly went out (other than to ride my motorbike) and I didn't have any energy. I think the press were getting me down cos lets face it - no matter what I do, I'm still just a cheap slag/tramp/talentless/slapper/ex-stripper/bimbo/dumb arse joke in their eyes. They don't like to let the public know that actually I've got 11 GCSE's all at A*, A and B grades, three A Level's, was in the army cadets for 4 years and became a Marksman, went to private school where I was top of the class in everything and actually was very well brought up. No, they want everyone to think that I really am as thick and pointless as Jordan.

Anyway, last Summer I decided that I didn't wanna do this job anymore. Actually, that's not quite right. I did want the job, I just didn't want the crap that comes with it. Don't get me wrong, I know that no one has it easy and I was fully prepared to be criticized but I think I thought that if I was nice to everyone, they would be nice back to me. Doesn't work like that. I'm genuinely a nice person so being nice every day to everyone I meet doesn't come hard but still people will slag you off and put you down. It's hurtful, soul-destroying stuff. Like the time a magazine printed a letter from some knob called Hannah from Essex.

It wasn't long after Kim, my best mate, had been killed and this vile girl had written in to say that she thought I was awful for using Kim's death to get publicity for myself. At the time I wouldn't talk to the press about Kim at all. The only interviews I gave were with the full consent and presence of Kim's parents who wanted me to do them as a way of not letting her death go un-noticed and also so they could show Kim's son the articles when he was older (he was ten weeks old when she was killed). Any money I would normally have been paid went into a trust fund for the baby and the interviews were all loving pieces about how wonderful Kim was and how mush she'd be missed. Anyway, this Hannah had written that she was a good friend of Kim's and that "Jodie Marsh barely even knew her". Funny, cos for the last three years of Kim's life, I was one of her very closest friends. I saw her constantly throughout her pregnancy (read my book!!!) and was one of the last people to see her alive. I NEVER knew of her having a friend called Hannah! The point is, I was so sickened that the magazine had printed this letter - as if the girl actually had a valid point - that I nearly had a nervous breakdown. I wanted to leave the country and never return. My parents, agent, friends and Fran (who I was with at the time) tried to calm me and console me to no avail. I was hysterical for a week; crying, punching doors, trying to harm myself and anything that got in my way. It was truly the second worst time of my life, with the first being Kim's death. Sorry to be depressing but there is a point to all this!!

Anyway, after 3 years in the business, I now know that the Press will always form their own opinion regardless of what I'm really like as a person. As Sanjeeta said "it's not my job to know all about your personal life" (see previous blog) - it's just their job to write a load of crap each week and make sure their wages get paid every month. As long as they're filling pages, it doesn't matter what they write. They don't care if I'm an ambassador to 7, yes 7 charities. They don't care if I'm writing letters to young girls that are being bullied, trying to show them that they CAN be a survivor. They don't care that my nan, who's already deaf, is now losing her eyesight, her only communication with the world. They dont' care. Full Stop. To them I will always be Jodie Marsh who walks around in two belts! Tacky, cheap, brainless Jodie Marsh who they can slag off when they've got nothing better to write about. I'm not saying all journalists are like this cos there are some nice ones out there, but for every nice one, there's twenty cheap lazy ones who form opinions without ever knowing a person. There's a very good reason my book is called Jodie Marsh Keeping It Real - cos I always keep it real. You won't ever get any bullsh*t with me - I tell it like it is. Anyway, after all that (wait for it - it's coming!!) I'm just trying to say that I have finally come to terms with the fact that I'll never win. No matter who I am or what I do, there'll always be someone waiting to see me fall. Someone who'l take great delight in the fact that I'm ugly or a slapper or have a spot on my left cheek. But you know what? It doesn't matter anymore. I'm happy. For the first time in my whole life - I'm genuinely happy. I have the best friends and family a girl could wish for, the most beautiful dogs in the world that make me smile every time I look at them, my brother has more talent in his little finger than anyone out there, I've just bought a new house AND I get to rant on this website every day as a way of venting frustrations (which is what school teacher Lauren pointed out I'm doing). I know I'll see Kim again on high and I won't see all the people who have put me down and been vile cos they ain't going to Heaven! They'll be thrown in a buring pit together with Fran to be sick all over each other forever more.

I am loving every minute of life right now and mush as I have to confront problems when they arise ie. phoning up journalists to ask them why they're so nasty (you don't even wanna know what I said to Ulrika Johnson when she called me ugly in a newspaper!), I just see that as the little every day hurdles we have to overcome. You can lie down and take it or you can stand up and be counted. I'm not just standing at the moment, I'm jumping up and down waving my hands yelling "come n get me ya bastards!"

I'm gonna leave you with a quote from my book:

It takes no talent, no brains and no character to criticise. Only God can create a flower but any foolish child can pull it to pieces. When people are hostile or rude, when they say cruel or unkind things, it is invariably a reflection of their own troubled spirit, rather than a reflection of you.

Beautiful (above quote does not count in regard to Fran or anyone else who deserves a good roasting!)

Have a good day people. This is me, Jodie Marsh, signing off in a freezing cold but extremely happy Brentwood x