It's 4pm and I have only just started to feel human. Last night Me and Carolina laid on the bed til 10pm. We had pancakes with lemon and sugar in our room for dinner (healthy!). The boys all went to watch some football match and Jord and Max went to the wedding. When we could finally be bothered to get up and get dressed we found the skimpiest thing we owned (I wore a black bikini top and a tiny army camo print skirt) and hit the town. We went straight to our favourtie bar (and barman) and got started on the shots. I had a sudden serious case of burning chest (I think the first vodka was so strong that it burned the lining of my windpipe all the way down to my stomach. The barman's cure for this was to feed me peppermint shots. After 5 of those (along with all the vodka), I was well and truly wasted. Last night was probably the drunkest I've been since I got here. I was at the point where I was standing at the bar with my head resting on the bar. I physically couldn't hold my head up and Pants had to give me a fireman's carry all the way back to our hotel. I could hear people saying "I'm sure that was Jodie Marsh" as he ran through the crowd with me upside down, my mass of blonde hair covering his bum!
My behaviour is disgusting. I am NOT drinking that mush again for the rest of my time here. All it does is ruin your night cos you have to go home and lie down. After the others had put me to bed (at around 3.30am), they went back out clubbing til 6am and Tony was sitting on his own in an all night bar at 7am this morning drinking beer. Pants ended up pulling a girl and Tony lasted exactly 1 minute watching them shag before leaving to sit like a loner with the barmaid giving him funny looks. We haven't stopped teasing Jord and Russ that Pants is the first bloke to pull a girl. They think they are proper stallions and are normally always the first to pull someone. For the first time ever, they haven't pulled and Pants is now loved up and has spent the day with his new bird.
At 8am this morning Tony came round all the rooms waking us all up to "go and have a look" at the bird Pants had pulled. We all then ran into his room to see her starkers on the bed. Carolina was still brushing her teeth when she went in for a look. Poor Pants! Ha ha.
Half an hour after I collapsed on the bed in my underwear last night, the fit barman opened my door and came in for a cuddle. I'd left the door on the latch purposefully cos I had a feeling he would turn up. He let himself in and we fell asleep cuddling. I was only saying last week that I needed to cuddle a real man and that I wanted to fall asleep in someone's arms. Well, now I have...... And very nice it was too!!!! He's very muscley and covered in tattoos. I watched him in the mirror next to the bed for a bit as I cuddled him and ran my hands down his back. I couldn't stop stroking his tattoos. I love watching myself in the mirror when I'm with someone (even if we are just having a cuddle). We looked good together. The pair of us tanned and smothered in tattoos. It just looked right somehow. His big strong arms wrapped around me was exactly what I needed.
I've had enough of all the messing Essex boys! One minute they're all over me and can't get enough, the next they're terrified and questioning me as to why I like them when, according to them I could have "any" man I want. I wish they'd just shut up, get on with it and enjoy it. Like my new tattoo says "Life's too short" and it's so bloody true. Why waste time questioning and pussy-footing around. Just get naked and give me a hug! Ha ha.
Being here has made me realise (and remember) how wet the boys are in Essex. They're more like women than men in fact. They're scared of their own shadow and more concerned with what other people think of them and what their hair looks like than actually just having the time of their life (which I could definitely show them!). I mean, seriously, they all act like 12 year olds. "No Jodie, I don't want anything to happen between us cos I don't want to be another Jodie Marsh Boy Toy" and "You're too powerful for me, I wouldn't be in control" and "why do you want me? You could have anyone?!" and "But you would ruin me!" Pur-leeeeeease. Stop with your whining and be a MAN. A real live man!
The barman out here isn't questioning anything - he's like "If you'll let me come back to your room for a cuddle, I'll be there quicker than you can say "now!" and I'll take absolute pleasure in doing it" Now that's a real man! He's not scared of me, he's not terrified of being "ruined" and he's not worried what anyone thinks. He'll probably end up selling a story on me though........ Oh well, you can't win them all. Ha ha. Actually, I know he won't sell a story and there is a very good reason for that. I won't go into it but let's just say I've got some amunition of my own that will assure no story-selling. Ha ha. He knows what I mean.
Going back to the wet boys - what straight red-blooded male doesn't want to be ruined?! And what's all this nonsense about being controlled and controlling?! WHO CARES?!!! I just wanna have fun. I don't care if you tie me up and leave me there naked for 2 days (and I'd happily do the same to you if you wanted me to) - just stop worrying about who's gonna control who. I can't actually believe I've even listened to all the crap I've heard in the last few months! What a load of b*llocks. "But Jodie, I wouldn't be in control!" Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha. Shut it and get your weena out! Poor little you - what a terrible thing that a famous, fit glamour model wants to shag you. Jeeez, you have it tough - I mean, that really is awful! What a load of girls these boys are. Just writing this has been like being struck by lightening - like someone has switched a light on in my brain. I will never again waste time on boys that don't know their knob from their arse. Sorry, bit of a gross description but really, I'm ashamed of myself that I have let certain people get to me and wind me up when they're more gay than Kyle. Show me the fit tattooed barman who will throw me round the room (and the nightclub) if I asked him to! That's what it's all about. Passion and excitement and enjoying another person's company and body and conversation. Having a laugh and connecting with someone. Cuddling and kissing and stroking and naked swimming at night-time. Being adventurous and outrageous and up for anything! Being naughty and daring and stimulating each other in every way. I don't think a single boy from Brentwood would be able to do any of these things (I'm sorry if there are some real men left in Brentwood, I don't mean to offend you but you have to understand where I'm coming from!).
Enough - I'm winding myself up and laughing at the same time as I write this. I can't believe I lost sight sooooo mush of how REAL men behave. Let me give you a clue - it's NOT saying "you're too powerful for me!" Ha ha. Seriously, enough.
All the boys have just come in and sat and had a coffee with me as I type this. The fit barman has been down at the pool with me this afternoon and he has been reading what I wrote about him yesterday on here. He thinks it's all highly amusing and he hasn't stopped kissing me. I love it!!!!! Max (boy in the attic) is sitting beside me doing a blog for my site as well so you have to read that one! It's his account of the holiday so far. All I've eaten all day is a cheese roll. I can't face the thought of food. I'm hungover to the point that I need to lay down in a dark room for three days with an ice pack on my head. It's not a good way to be!
Tonight we are all getting on it again. I'm not sure how long I'll last though. The way I'm feeling right now is that I'd happily go to bed at 9pm every night for the rest of our time here! I must have drunk about 5 litres of water today. I'm peeing it out every ten minutes. We've come to the conclusion that I've got the smallest bladder in the world for the amount of times I have needed to pee! My nose and forehead are peeling badly and my whole body is still sore from getting burnt. I am a giant walking injury. Last night I cut my finger open, I got burnt on my side by a cigarette and today (in my hungover state) I walked into a table and have cut my leg open. Nice. Plus, I still have gaping hole in my hand (which has now turned a nice shade of purple). If anyone is going to get hurt, it's always me. I am very clumsy and always hurting myself by accident. On the plus side though, the bruises on my legs are fading as my tan gets deeper and darker and my aches and pains have gone. Now, it's just total body skin surface, side, finger, hand and leg that hurt (oh, and brain).
I was violently sick last night after all the peppermint shots. The bonus was that my sick was just flourescent green liquid and smelled of mint! Carolina held my hair (which is normally Russ's job). I felt mush better after that! Don't worry mum - I'm not over-doing it, it's just that peppermint doesn't agree with me! I'd be more worried about the fact that Jordan has been in bed earlier than anyone for the last two nights - what's wrong with him?! I woke him up when I came in last night and he shouted at me. I then woke Max up to tell him that Jordan was being horrible to me and Max just mumbled "I know" before going back to sleep. See, even when I'm so drunk I can't stand up, I can still remember EVERYTHING the next day. I'm not sure if that's actually a good thing though!
I am off now to have a lie down before another night of full-on carnage. I'm looking forward to seeing the barman again. I might as well make the most of him cos I'll never see him again when I leave here on Wednesday! Ha ha. He is very fit though and of course those hardcore tattoos plastered all over his body will do it every time. I need another one myself. It's been a few weeks now since my last one! I realised in a conversation in the pub last week that my ultimate fantasy shag would be to have sex whilst having a tattoo. Ha ha. That is my idea of the best sex in the world! Pure pain and pleasure at the same time. Now I just need to find a bloke willing to shag me in front of a tattooist and a tattooist willing to tattoo me while shagging a fit bloke. Ha ha. I've added it to my list of things to do before I'm 30! The thought of it drives me wild!
Lots of love and snogs from sunny Cyprus! Hope you are all enjoying yourselves. Remember girls - real men will drag you back to your bed by your hair. They won't fanny around questioning you and telling you you're too powerful! Go for the real man every time!!!!! If I wanted to shag a gay guy, I'd just ply Kyle with loads of alcohol. Joke. I actually have slept with a gay man before. I did it just cos I wanted to know that I could. See, if I can sleep with a properly gay man and he loved it then I definitely know it's not my problem that all the boys in Brentwood are walking on egg shells around me. It's their problem, not mine. They don't even KNOW what they're missing!!!!! Ha ha. On that note, I might send Fancy Boy an email of a pic of myself naked just to show him what he turned down. I'm in that mood where I want to wind someone up!!!
Talk to you tomorrow when I'll be hungover again.
Baaaaaaaaaaah!
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