I haven't slept for two days due to a tiny tear-away named Lyla. She's very hyper and I feel like I've got a new born baby on my hands. Well, I have got a new born baby but I mean; it feels like a human one. She needs constant attention and playing and love, which is fine by me. I'm exhausted but it's worth it. She has settled right in and is already causing chaos. She's chewed my computer wires (as if I don't already have enough problems with it already!), she's peed on my bed (had to get the sheets in the wash quickly!), she's bitten my toes (and everybody else's), she's annoyed Paddy by nicking his toys (he retaliated by nicking her baby ones), she's taken over the whole house and she demands every second of my attention. But..... in two days, she's already brought me more joy than any man I've ever been out with!
I know I'm going to end up boring you to tears with my Lyla talk. It's just that everything else that happens at the moment seems irrelevant. Her and Paddy are my world.
I'll try and not talk about her for a moment.......
Yesterday I did the Weakest Link for the second time. The first time I did it I got into the Final and came second. I was really nervous the first time I did it cos Anne is quite scary if you don't know her and also the pressure really gets to you when you go on there. This time around though I wasn't nervous at all. Lady Isabella Hervey was on with me, Paul Ross and a few others I'm friends with. Orlaith from Big Brother was the stand-by. I took Lyla with me as I didn't want to leave her at home all day.
Also on the show was Carole Malone (the hideous wanna-be celeb - actually she just writes a naff column in the Sunday Mirror that nobody reads so you probably haven't heard of her). She's so desperate to be on TV that she took to going on Celebrity Fat Club. A while back she started slagging me off in her column. I didn't mind at first but then it got more regular and nastier. The old hag, who claims to have lost 3 stone (she's still massive though!) had never even met me. After a few weeks of abuse I wrote her a polite letter (not for publication) asking why she was being so nasty when she'd never met me. Instead of honouring me with a reply like a decent human being, she just slagged me off in the column again, calling me all sorts of names. I then wrote to her again a little less politely telling her that she was nasty and nothing more than a bully. She then slagged me off again in her column. And so it went on..... Eventually I decided she wasn't worth wasting my ink on and left it alone. I've never looked at the Sunday Mirror since. Anyway, yesterday I voted for her to go and she voted for me. Anne asked me why I had voted for her and I said "because I like everyone else here and I don't like her because she's written some very spiteful and nasty things about me and she doesn't even know me". Anne then asked how mush money I earn a year and I told her how mush I earned last year. She then turned to hag Malone and said "so what it is about the young, skinny, pretty and rich Jodie that you don't like?" God love Anne Robinson!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I've met Anne a few times now. I had the honour of being a guest on her chat show last year and I think she's great. She's not at all scary; in fact I think she's a woman after my own heart. She's got that naughty glint in her eye. She's done very well for herself, she's made a lot of money, she's attractive and clever and she doesn't take crap from anyone. See....? We're one and the same!! Ha ha. Seriously though, I'd love to take her out clubbing and I told her that yesterday. Oh, just remembered: going back to the jellus one (Malone). The one who called me things like "slapper" etc. She turned up in a see-through top and was told to change it as everyone could see her bra, on what is essentially a family show!!! Classic!! So, I'm wearing combats and a vest and look very nice and normal and she's got her jugs hanging out under a see-through top, on a show that airs in the afternoon!!! I mean, I've worn my fair share of see-through tops but only at the right time and place. Plus I'm about thirty years younger than her and I think that's makes a big difference!!! Also, I found it highly amusing that the woman who called me "brainless" just COULD NOT grasp the concept or rules of the show. In the briefing, she asked about 40 questions and kept us all waiting there while she went over and over stuff with the crew. I mean, it's hardly rocket science is it? You answer questions and if there's loads of money in the pot, you say "bank" occasionally! Comedy. I loved watching her ignorance (and the rolling of the eyes of the other contestants when she kept asking silly questions) and also loved seeing her squirm when Anne ploughed into her about disliking me. Sorry.... I know I shouldn't gloat..... but I just can't help myself!
Also on the show was Garry Bushell. He's written some vile stuff about me too. It's funny cos the last time I saw him, he had a big grey beard. Yesterday it was jet black. I've only got one thing to say about him: if a man is going to dye his beard, you would at least think he'd get the dye off his skin before he went out in public! Dying your beard is bad enough in the first place but to have streaks of black on your cheeks from the dye is soooooo so wrong! In future I don't think I'll be too upset when the man who dyes his beard slags me off! Comedy. I'll let you know when the show is on so you can see Carole take a grilling from Anne!!
I love Anne Robinson.
I also love Lyla Plum and Paddy-man. They are both now asleep on the floor. The whole time I've been writing this Lyla has been chewing my feet, in between chewing my phone-charger wire. She's finally worn out and has collapsed in a wrinkly little bundle on the rug. I stayed in last night and watched a film with Lauren, Lyla and Paddy. Tonight we are going out. My mum and dad are coming over to babysit for me. Tomorrow I am flying to Scotland with my dad to work at a motorbike race. I'm being picked up at 9am and I need a good night out tonight. I have a feeling I'll be getting on the plane with a splitting headache! I've only got to judge a competition and sign autographs though so it'll be fine. I'm really looking forward to it. You know what I'm like about motorbikes - I'll be in heaven. All of next week I am filming 'It's Me or the Dog'. Perfect timing considering I now have 8 dogs. Hopefully Victoria will whip them all into shape!
I'm off to meet my brother in Brentwood now for a coffee. I'm taking the pups with me. I need to buy some more puppy training mats. Lyla has peed her way through twenty of them already!
Have a great weekend people! I know I will, surrounded by puppies and motorbikes!!
Lots of love and sloppy wet kisses from Lyla and Paddy
Jodie
Xxxx
P.S I LOVE my puppies!!!!! (you rude people, I meant my baby dogs!) ;)
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
No comments:
Post a Comment