I shouldn't really even be telling you what I'm about to divulge as; it's very personal, highly upsetting for me and slightly humiliating. Here goes:
So, this morning, as I already said, Dimples went off to his mates wedding and I went into Brentwood to do a load of last minute party stuff, like buying all the fruit for the chocolate fountain etc. I've had a really nice day. I went to see Sarah and Steven in Sugar Hut and we all got Starbucks and Macdonalds in between working. Lauren turned up and put her banana costume on. She walked down the length of Brentwood High Street in it for comedy value and of course I chased her out to take pictures of the unmissable event. Her and Jordan then went off shopping while I stayed at Sugar Hut reading yet another book I have just bought about Star Signs, trying to find out how compatible me and Dimples are. It got to 5.30pm, and after a mad dash around Brentwood for last minute fishing wire and other stuff (we managed to do three shops in 7 minutes and buy stuff in all three), I went back to Sugar Hut with Lauren. We sat in the girl's loos and had a chat about Dimples. I was telling her how mush I liked him. I said that last night was amazing and that I really felt something special was on the cards for me and him. I asked her if she thought I should trust him, given that he was at a wedding (weddings make everyone horny, the last time a friend of mine went to a wedding, she ended up shagging someone up against a wall outside etc). We had a long chat about it and eventually walked back into the office to see Sarah. At that point, a text beeps on my phone. It was from Dimples. It said this:
"No babe, thats not what I meant. Just thought I should tell you. I know it was all a bit of fun....... and good fun it was too! ha ha! x"
Clearly the text wasn't meant for me. Clearly it was meant for another bird he's obviously been shagging in the not too distant past (or is still shagging for all I know). I think you can guess the rest. I have cried for an hour. I feel like putting my head through a wall. I have lost the last tiny shred of faith I had in men. I am gutted.
Dimples is probably the first bloke in three years (with the possible exception of Max Beasley and Kenzie who I did actually love to pieces) that I had really high hopes for. He's fit, he's sexy, he's got a great sense of humour, he's got a great personality. He stimulates me mentally and sexually. His manners leave something to be desired, but hey, no one is perfect! It's been a long time since I connected with someone the way I connect with him. Gutted, gutted, gutted.
I know the text he sent isn't really conclusive proof that he is seeing someone else cos in all fairness, it does look like he's telling someone he can't see them anymore, but, the part I am upset about is the last sentence. They way he has left it open by cheekily flirting with whoever the girl is, in case things don't work out with me, he can always go back to her, or even if they do work out, he's still persuing a bit of text flirting with another bird behind my back. The other gutting thing about it is that when he called to say how sorry he was and ranted at me that 'it's not what it looks like', actually, deep down, I know that all he is sorry for is being caught. He's not sorry for sending the text, cos he wouldn't have sent it in the first place if he was. He's just sorry that he accidentally sent it to me and that he has been caught out for the playing, serial-flirting, man-cheat that he is. If a guy I had been shagging or had shagged in the past texted today asking to see me (judging on how I felt about Dimples) I would have told him I couldn't and would have left it at that. I wouldn't have said "no can't see you at the moment babe, but we did have a great time didn't we.... ha ha x" so as to keep the guy hanging on to a shred of hope that I still think about him, in case I ever do want to shag him again in the future. But then I'm a girl, a girl who has never cheated on anyone in her life, who still holds out hope for true love (even though most men turn out to be total arseholes - give up Jodie, it's never gonna happen). I'm not a player b*stard man who treats all women like a bit of meat that they can dispose of when they get bored.
It's the night before my party. Right now I feel like cancelling the whole thing. Not just cancelling the party but cancelling life. Full stop. Yet again, my patience has been pushed to the edge of the earth and I have been proven right about the fact that you should never trust men............
Fockers, the lot of 'em........
Going to have another half hour cry now cos I need to feel sorry for myself for a little bit longer before picking myself up, getting on with my weird life where I get abused all the time for no reason and trying to forget about the one man I can't stop thinking about.
Bye
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