Got loads to say so gonna plough on into it....
Yesterday day, I ran around like an idiot trying to track down my costume I ordered from America. The veins on my forehead have been throbbing for a week with stress that it's not going to arrive in time for the party and I have sent numerous snotty emails to the company I bought it from trying to find it's whereabouts. Eventually, at 5pm yesterday afternoon, I discovered from my local Post Office that my sodding outfit has been in Chelmsford for the last 5 days! Cheers! For goodness sake, they didn't even call or drop me a card to say they had it! Jeez, the nervous breakdown they could have prevented if only they had called me! Shocking. But all is good, I am going to pick it up tomorrow morning and I'm praying that after all this, it does actually look the nuts! If not, I'm stuffed and going to have to drive straight to the West End to try and find anything remotely fancy dress that still looks sexy.
After packing a large suitcase (well, I say suitcase, I actually mean 5 large Marks and Spencer bags) full of sexy underwear, I headed over to Dimples house. As soon as I got there, he took me out for dinner, which was lovely, then we went back to his to watch a film. The film was ok but to be honest I was more interested in having a cuddle, and a cuddle we had. Very nice it was too. This morning I got picked up from his at 7am to go to Camden to film some more stuff for Juice Mobile. It's my new download show I've told you about before. Basically, every day you can get a video of me giving different sex advice. It's like my old Zoo column but it's an actual film instead of written. I wear skimpy little outfits and talk dirty. It's great. You can access it from the link on my site to get pics of me ( to the right of the page now). People can text in questions and every few weeks we shoot a load more videos and answer all the questions that have been sent in. We have just been signed up by '3 Mobile', who are selling the show. It was a good day. I love working with the Juice boys cos they are loads of fun and we always have such a giggle with it all. The show is called 'Jodie Marsh's Real Tips' - great name! Anyway, left there at about 5pm and as luck would have it, Dimples happened to be driving along the same road, also on his way home from work. He called to see where I was and when we realised we were two cars away from each other, I sacked my driver off and jumped into his car.
We chatted on the way back and he asked if I was hungry. I told him that yes, I was starving, as I hadn't eaten for hours. We got back to his and he said "are you coming in?" (at that point, I had just planned to pick my car up and leave). I thought about it and agreed, as I didn't have anything else urgent on and also was grateful to spend a bit more time with him (as you do when in a new relationship and can't get enough of someone). Once inside, he went off to have a shower and I sat chatting to his mate Darius. A few moments later, he popped his head in the living room door and said "babe, come and chat to me while I cook", "What are you cooking?", I asked. "Oh, just cooking a chilli con carne for me and Darius" he replied. 'Right then, I'll make a move shall I?' I thought. The bloody socially inept, no-mannered half-wit had started cooking dinner for himself and his mate, without any offer of anything to his starving girlfriend sitting on the sofa! To say I felt awkward, embarrassed, humiliated and like I had over-stayed my welcome doesn't even come close to how I felt. Even if someone I hated turned up at my house just before dinner time, I physically could not stand and cook myself food without offering them something. That's just basic manners, surely?! Anyway, my mood quickly turned from being one of happy and jovial to one of total blackness. The last dying shame of it was that, after realising his cooking the meal for him and his mate was my cue to leave, I then discovered my phone battery was completely dead and I needed to give a phone interview to a newspaper so couldn't leave his for another twenty minutes while I waited for it to charge enough to give the interview on the way home!!! As I sat feeling like a total dickhead who wasn't welcome, he came over and tried to kiss me a few times and asked if anything was wrong ("Oh really darling, is it that obvious that I feel like a piece of shit on the bottom of your shoe right now?"). When my phone was charged enough to talk the whole way home (after the interview, I knew I'd want to phone Sarah/Lauren/Dave to rant hysterically and/or cry), I left with the comment "I'm going to the Harvester to eat alone" and a peck on the cheek, which I turned to him when he tried to kiss me on the lips.
I did my phone interview then ranted/cried/screamed to all three of the above. They gave me lots of sympathy and Steve sent me a text to say that he loves me (Sarah obviously told him as soon as she got off the phone to me). Now, I appreciate that Dimples has his funny little routines (like getting food out of the freezer the night before he's going to cook it - how the hell does he know what he's going to fancy to eat the following night anyway?) and I also appreciate that maybe his routines aren't that weird to most people. But to me, they are. I don't live by timetables or schedules. I don't plan what I'm going to have to eat two nights before I eat it. Everything I do is spontaneous and spur of the moment. My life is faster paced than Valentino Rossi on an R1and I like it that way. I grab food as and when I can; in between working, partying, seeing friends and writing blogs and books. When my clothes are dirty, I buy new ones cos I don't have time to wash them. I have given up trying to figure out who is right and who is wrong here. On the one hand, I was upset and humiliated and felt like I was intruding on their dinner, but on the other hand, I could never be as rude as to cook dinner for myself and one other while someone else was in the house (even if it was someone I didn't particularly like, let alone a boyfriend). I didn't want to mess up his night of going to the gym and washing and whatever else he had planned but it would have been nice if he had offered something at least (and not just a plate of boiled rice, which is what he eventually offered after twenty minutes of me sitting with a face like thunder). If I had written this blog a few hours ago, I would have ranted for hours about the sheer unfairness of never meeting normal men and how disgusting I found Dimples lack of basic manners and lack of interest in spending time with me; but, after long chats with all my mates and another long chat with Dimps himself, all is resolved and I feel happy but tired (due to going to bed at 3am and getting up at 7am).
Dimples has told me that he does care about me (I hope he's not lying but then he is a Scorpio and they have a tendancy to mess about and play games. At the moment I'm reading "How to spot a b*stard by his star sign". Sadie, my make-up artist gave it to me - it's the funniest book I've read in a long time!) and that he just finds it hard to show his emotions when in a relationship. Well, boy, that had better change sharpish cos the Marsh don't do things by halves. It's either full-on coupledom and loving texts/dinners/cuddles/sex etc OR you're a shag buddy. Nothing more, nothing less. If you can't handle either then leave me alone full stop cos I'm not getting any younger and am ultimately just looking for my future husband and father to my children. I know if I never find that then I can have sperm donor kids with Kyle, but with my nose and his, they'd be hideous and I don't want to inflict that on anyone, especially not a child of my own!
All is well now. With Dave's genius of giving Dimps a little push in the right direction when it comes to handling me, things are sorted and back on top form. If he rings me at least twice tomorrow that is. Andrea in the office, can you please remind him to do that?!
Tomorrow night is Dimples office Christmas party. Everyone is staying in a hotel afterwards, including Dimps. Last week, I invited myself to it cos he hadn't asked and I was slightly worried that he was going to get drunk and stay in a hotel without even considering asking me to join him. I stay in hotels all the time with work and if I've got a bloke then the first thing I would do is ask them to stay with me for a dirty night of passion. He said that I could stay but didn't seem overly keen on the idea and has hardly begged me to come whenever it's been mentioned since (he's just grunted at me "well? you coming or not?" when we've talked about it). Tonight during our long conversation, I also voiced my fears over the fact that he didn't seem too interested in having me come with him and, Praise the Lord, we got to the bottom of that "misunderstanding" as well. Apparently he didn't want to invite me cos he didn't want me to think that he just wanted me to come so that he could show me off to all his work colleagues. Ok, I'll give him that - after all, I'd wanna show me off if I had me on my arm (joke), but at the end of the day, I am a normal girl from Essex. If my boyfriend has his work Christmas party to go to with a load of people with photocopier fetishes (joke), then so be it. I would like to accompany him and will feel proud to be on his arm (as long as he doesn't get so drunk he's sick all down himself). I've actually been looking forward to it as it's a chance to spend yet more time with him, dress up in something nice and get to see a little more of what his life is like, away from the arguing we do with each other on what is fast becoming a daily basis.
On that note, my eyes are getting very heavy. Paddy is pawing at me saying he wants to go to bed, my throat hurts from smoking and my false eyelashes from the filming today are itching my eyeballs. Things are great, and at least now Dimples and I know what to get each other for Christmas (a strait-jacket for me and The Basic Book of Manners for him - I'll get him the advanced one for his Birthday, once he's mastered the first few rules).
Night night people. Hope you all get a drunk snog at your work Christmas party!
P.S Did I tell you that recently a gay male friend of mine pulled a very straight, very famous footballer in a club and took him home for a good seeing to? The naughty footballer in question has had some very high profile girlfriends and is very mush a household name. Apart from doing the obvious, they also sucked each others toes and did other rude thing involving toes (which I won't go into on a nice clean website like this). Happy guessing.
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