12th October 2006

I'm on TV tomorrow night and I'm so scared I'm shaking as I type this.... Thank you to everyone on the show! It's the BEST thing I've ever done!!!!


I am sitting her now shaking as I type this! I am so nervous about tomorrow night that I feel sick! I can't eat, I can't do anything! I keep getting texts on my phone saying "good luck" from people and every single one is making me more and more nervous! My stomach is flipping over and over. I can't relax! I can't sit down, I can't watch TV; the only thing I can do to take my mind off it is call someone for a chat but even that isn't really helping! God I just wanna nail "The Lift" on the show. I'll be so gutted if we don't do it properly cos we've done it in rehearsals perfectly! I want my mum and dad to be the proudest they've ever been (and they will be if I nail this lift). I can't believe how nervous I am. There's so mush pressure for me to do well. Of course I want all of Ben and Vanessa's hard work to pay off as well cos they have worked themselves into the ground to make this good. I am loving every second of it (as you know) and I don't want it to be over. I will be so sad on Saturday when I know I won't ever do that dance again! I got my agent to ask if I could go on Strictly Come Dancing but they turned me down. They said it was because I'd been on Big Brother. Damn Big Brother! See - the worst job of my career has now stopped me from doing the one thing I want to do more than anything!

It doesn't matter, I mean it's not the end of the world that I can't do Come Dancing (it would have been amazing but I'm sure I'll cope. Besides the team on THIS show have been the best I've ever worked with!) but even more so now I don't want this show to ever end. I feel the best I've ever felt when I'm dancing and although I'm absolutely pooing my pants at the thought of tomorrow night; I know that when it's over I could quite happily get back up there and do it all over again (and again and again and again!).



So, I'd just like to say that even if I don't win or even if something goes massively wrong; I have had the BEST time ever making this show. I feel honoured to have worked with Ben and Vanessa (two amazing dancers and absolute professionals) and I will be forever grateful to everyone who has worked on this show for giving me this opportunity and for helping me to look and do my best. I can't express enough how mush I have loved it. Words don't describe how great it's been and for the rest of my life I now have a tape of me looking like a princess that I can watch over and over again (and will force all my kids and grandkids to watch!).

I have been in Brentwood this afternoon getting some bits and pieces that I needed and everywhere I've been people have been saying "good luck" for tomorrow. With every comment I was feeling more and more worried and panicky! I so want it to go well and for us to do all the lifts perfectly! We've got one shot at it and I don't want to mess it up! Last time I wasn't this nervous (but then we didn't have as many big lifts). I was a little bit nervous on the day but other than that I felt fine. This time around I am a wreck! Ha ha.

Enough about how nervous I feel. I probably won't write again now as I have a lot to do tomorrow. Instead I will just say another MASSIVE thank you to Channel 5, everyone who has worked on The All Star Talent Show and to Ben and Vanessa. This has been my dream come true and it has also been the happiest I've ever felt (in my whole career). You have all made me feel amazing!!!! For the first time I have worked with people who have made me feel a million dollars (as opposed to a talentless piece of crap or slag - of which I'm neither). It has been the best experience or my whole life (yes - even better than jumping out of a plane!) and I am so grateful to have been asked to do this show. I've worked with the most amazing team of people; I've worked with people I have admired for a very long time (Ben and Vanessa) and I have been allowed to do the one thing I love most in life. I still can't even believe I won the first show as I truly thought that most of the general public hated me! Winning that was the best thing that has ever happened to me! Thank you again to all the people who voted the first time (I wish I could thank you all personally if I knew who you all were) and if you watch me tomorrow night you will see how happy and buzzing I am (and how nervous!). I'll be grinning like an idiot and I will probably cry (whether I come close to winning or not) out of sheer happiness (and the thought of it being over!). I don't even care if I look like a weepy emotional wreck because quite honestly I AM an emotional person and this HAS been the best thing I've ever done.

Last time around I didn't even tell that many people I was on the show because I thought "oh what's the point?!" I had all my mates spending literally hundreds of pounds on voting for me in Big Brother and I still got kicked off first. I thought there was so mush hate out there for me that I should go away and die (and forget EVER winning anything in my life). Today though I have texted everybody on my phone and made them promise to vote (that's over a thousand people). I've got my mate showing it in his pub on the big screen and I've got 3 pubs in Brentwood showing it. My friends are having a party and have got 60 people watching it at their house (and I have even asked the man in the TV shop I went in earlier to vote for me). I know it's not the end of the world if I don't win but bloody hell; I'll have a heart attack live on stage if I do! ha ha - I'm not joking!. If I don't win, well then it's been amazing anyway and I have made some life-long friends from it! I cannot describe to you how mush I've loved this (although I think you probably get the general idea!). I have finally realised that there's not as mush hate out there as I thought and I have achieved something I never thought possible.

THANK YOU SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO mush Channel 5, all the crew and the amazing Vanessa and Ben!!!!!! I wish I could do something for you all in return to make you feel as good as I have done the whole time I've been doing this show! In fact, if I win, I will take you all out to Stringfellows for a naked dance from either a boy or girl (the choice is yours!). I will remember this for the rest if my life (in fact nothing I do will probably ever top it). I'm serious that it's been the Time of My Life!!!!! For once I haven't been left holding the watermelon and I haven't been left in the corner! I hope I can do all of you proud tomorrow night!!! I'm such a geek that I'm welling up as I type this! I shouldn't admit that but I really have loved it so mush and thank all of you from the bottom of my heart!

I am off now to try and find something to do to take my mind off it. The nerves are so bad that I can't rest for a second! Watch the show and enjoy it people. Know that even if I don't win, I am the happiest I've ever been! It's gonna be an amazing Final and I hope you enjoy watching it as mush as I enjoy performing it!!! I will be a nervous wreck tomorrow but I'll also be a grinning wally (although I'm supposed to keep a straight face throughout the dance - I'll try my hardest cos really I just wanna grin all the way through!). Lots and lots of love to all of you. Please watch it cos it's probably the only time you will ever see me look elegant, half-beautiful, doing something that does actually involve having talent and me truly being happy!!!

I'm still shaking as I sit here now (maybe I'll feel better tomorrow after a dress-rehearsal!). Have a great weekend - you won't here from me now til Saturday!

All my love (from the happiest girl in the whole world!!)

Jodie x x x

P.S Mum don't forget to bring the tissues cos I know you'll be in floods of tears again from the minute I start dancing! Love you so mush x x x x x x

P.P.S for those of you reading this on Friday - the show is tonight on Channel 5, 8.30pm. The All Star Talent Show! Do NOT miss it! It's the thing I am the MOST proud of in my whole career.......... Plus I'm in a long sparkly dress and hardly any make-up; I don't even look like me! That is; the "me" that you guys know! I always look like me to me but you lot only know my stupid public image cos that's all people normally show of me! This is probably the only time you will see a very real piece of me on TV. There's no messing about and no acting. It's just me doing what I love doing more than anything and trying my hardest to make my mum, dad and Vanessa proud!