THANK YOU TO THE FANS!!

just want to say a MASSIVE thank you to all the fans who have written to me recently. I'm glad you all enjoyed Trust Me I'm a Holiday Rep and also my book, Keeping It Real. Writing the book was the hardest and most stressful thing I've ever done - I didn't have a ghost writer, unlike Jordan, and your letters have made it all worthwhile! Me and my mum regularly sit and cry over your letters, they are so touching and so many of you have been through hideous experiences like me. Often I have wanted to give everything up and move abroad to live anonymously (normally when the Press are being nasty) but it is your support that keeps me going. Without you, I would be nothing and I really appreciate every single one of you.

An example of a time when I wanted to give it all up, was when a magazine printed a letter from a girl named Hannah in Essex. She claimed to be a friend of Kim (my best friend that got murdered). She said something along the lines of "Jodie Marsh is just using Kim's death to get publicity, she didn't even know her that well". On reading this, I think I had what's commonly known as a nervous breakdown. For two days I cried, punched walls, my car (in fact anything hard that would hurt me), was sick in the toilet and couldn't speak. I was on the verge of buying a one way ticket to New Zealand to never return and it was only my mum, dad, brother, friends and agent (who's like a dad to me) that convinced me to stay. The reason I was so devastated by this letter, and more so, by the magazine actually printing it was this:

I only gave interviews to papers and magazines about Kim for the benefit of her son (who was ten weeks old when she was killed), so that he would have something to remember her by. I didn't want her death to go un-noticed and for her to just be another Murder statistic. Every interview I gave was with the full consent and presence of her parents and all the money I made from them is in a Trust fund for the baby. It was the hardest and toughest thing I've ever had to go through and I don't know how I came out of it smiling! Anybody who has lost somebody close to them will know how painful it is and even more so, anybody who has lost somebody to murder will know too, how it ruins your whole life.

I was one of Kim's best friends for the last three years of her life. We spent 5 nights a week together and I was with her throughout her pregnancy. I NEVER knew of her having a friend called Hannah. Whoever this vile girl is, she lied and the mag printed it. If she did have a friend called Hannah, then she certainly didn't see her for the last three years of her life anyway. Hey, perhaps it was someone she knew at school or something, I don't know, but she wasn't around while I was Kim's best mate.

The point is that I only did what I thought was best for Kim, for her son and for her parents. I didn't do anything without her parents knowledge and consent. Kim was beautiful and amazing and without my fame, her death would have just been one amongst many. I'm lucky that I was able to pay tribute to her publicly and that one day, her son will be able to read it. I have also dedicated a chapter to her in my book, which he will also read to see how wonderful his mum was.

You can imagine how painful it is to lose somebody and then imagine reading that disgusting letter in the magazine. It totally broke me. I gave up the will to live for a bit and couldn't see any way of ever being happy again. Fortunately, I pulled through, and although I miss Kim terribly and am gutted that I never got to tell that one last time that I loved her, I know she's watching me from above and looking after Pixie (my dog who died the same week) for me until the day we meet again On High. I will see Kim again and I'm nearly over the pain of that sick letter (although if I ever meet the lying Hannah from Essex - I WILL spit in her face!) but I just wanted you to see how tough things can be sometimes. The Press can be arseholes. Needless to say, I did write to the editor of the magazine telling her of my absolute disgust and she did offer to print an apology or whatever else nice piece about Kim. I never got back in touch. I didn't want publicity off Kim's death remember - just wanted the Ed to know how disgusting I thought the mag was. I'm a F**king human being too, you know. I'm not devoid of emotions and feelings. As if it isn't hard enough coming to terms with the murder of your best friend, you have to see shit like that! God help us all. How messed up is this Country?!

On that note, a book that really helped me to cope with Kim's death is The Lovely Bones by Alice Sebold. Read it, if you've lost someone. It might help you, like it did me.

Anyway, like I said before, your support keeps me going and I realise how lucky I am to have so many fans who don't believe everything they read. You are rays of sunshine in my life! I have just spent the last three days replying to you all and sending out signed pictures, so you should receive them soon. Anybody that writes via my agent will get a reply - I promise (just remember to include a stamped addressed envelope) as, although it might take a while, I will reply to every single person.

I want to take this opportunity to thank James Morgan and Willie Soong, who have generously sent money for my charities, Fight for Life, Refuge (in aid of Domestic Violence to Women), Beat Bullying and the R.N.I.B. You are amazing and truly wonderful people. From the bottom of my heart, I thank you, and also on behalf of the charities - they were so happy! Every little bit of help they can get is appreciated, as they really struggle to raise funds. Thank you again, 2 very special people!! I love you!

So, I hope you are all still smiling, like me. Everything you send me is appreciated and kept. You lot make me smile on a daily basis and I hope I entertain you in return with my antics and stories. Thank you again, you really do make it all worthwhile. THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOU!!!!!!!!

All my love

Jodie

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