P.S I know this is gonna make this the longest blog in the whole entire world (but hey, some of you might appreciate the escape from boring work), but below is an article I wrote for a paper just after I'd been evicted. In case you missed it; here it is:
WARNING - do not read on if you have work to do, just stop now...... it's too long........
Well, well, well. What a difference a week makes. The whole of the Big Brother House has now seen with their own eyes what a two-faced lying twat George is. Pete's hideous Gorilla coat has been snatched by Police (thanks to myself for highlighting the vile problem) and Chantelle is still the only one being real! I'm doing ok, other than having the odd nightmare where I wake up at 3am to visions of Pete's giant rubbery head looming over me and poor old Faria is out. I liked Faria, I have to say. On entering the house, I was slightly unimpressed with Big Bro's decision to put her in there. Much as Pete has done sweet F.A since his one hit record 30 years ago, the ten of us had actually worked for our fame and fortune, unlike Faria. On getting to know her though, she turned out to be one of the nicest and funniest, not to mention a great cook!
I'm loving the fact that George was shamed in the Diary Room by Big Brother screening his comments to the other housemates. Looks like two-faced Rula who was so far up his arse, you could see ginger tufts of hair sticking out of his mouth, has finally realised what I knew on day one - that the man is vile. Perhaps George has decided he doesn't want to shag her after all and voted her out cos he couldn't stand the fact that her voice was deeper than his own bellowing fog-horn mouth. Each and every person in the House of Horror is playing a nasty game (except Chantelle). They are all desperate to win and even more desperate to resurrect dying or dead (Pete Burns) careers. I went in there to change public perception of me, having been portrayed by the press for the last three years to be a slag with nothing more to offer than two belts. Although I didn't really get the chance to show the fun bubbly girl I am on a day-to-day basis, public perception did change due to Pete, Michael and George bullying me. Although I don't want sympathy, I am pleased that I have achieved two things during my stay in the Big Bother house: No 1. I have managed to successfully highlight the fact that ugly people like Pete Burns are still wearing fur (and endangered animal fur at that) and No 2. That Bullying is a huge problem that still goes on in today's society. It comforts me to know that the most hideous week of my life (second to the week I lost my best friend and dog to murder) wasn't spent in vein.
Everyone seems to be making a big old fuss about Chantelle and Preston's supposed "love-affair", personally I don't think either is stupid enough to start a relationship on live TV, not when Preston has a serious girlfriend he lives with in the real world. My family were stood next to Camille on the night we all entered the house and she was sobbing as he went in. She was overheard saying "I can't believe they are all in there - he's going to fancy them all!" after myself, Chantelle and Traci entered the house. Not exactly a relationship built on trust me thinks, but nevertheless, he DOES still have a girlfriend and I'm sure will respect her feelings for one more week.
I have been on the phone to PETA this week telling tales on Traci. She claims to care about animal rights and has even done a big campaign for them, yet spent one afternoon happily rolling around on the floor hugging Pete, while he was wearing the dead animal. Does she really care about animal rights? Or did she really just want another picture in a paper when she posed for PETA, claiming to love animals?! You wouldn't catch me even touching a fur-coat, let alone hugging someone wearing one! Outrageous! Speaking of Traci, I think she might be anorexic. I never saw her eat anything more than a couple of spoonfuls of white rice whilst inside the house and we regularly cooked food for her which she "left in the oven" for later, only to not touch it and decide that she "wasn't hungry after all". She's forever working out and doesn't ever eat. Classic signs of anorexia if you ask me. She also claims her boobs are real. Pardon me if I'm wrong, but since when did real boobs nearly touch your chin?! And for as little as she eats and as mush as she works out, biology would say that in theory, she wouldn't have that mush of a bust - surely?! She ganged up against me with George when he called me "wicked" and "evil", when all I'd ever "done wrong" was to say that Pete's fur coat disgusted me! Traci isn't the little sweet girl she makes out to be. She flirted outrageously with Dennis the whole time, making all of us think something had either happened between them (if so, that just shows how hideous she is, after all, he was married to her best mate Carmen Electra) or that, if it hadn't already, then she wouldn't mind something happening in the future. She regularly walked about with her dressing gown on and nothing underneath. She refused to tie it up and pretended to be shocked when it "fell open" to reveal her bits. Traci - not nice!
The Faria and Dennis situation was a strange one. When I was in the house, I did get the impression that she fancied him. Dennis I think, was just desperate to pull anything he could. After I told him I would never sleep with him (even if her were the last man on earth), he never spoke to me again. He constantly talked about sex and flirted with everyone in there, including the trannie Pete. Dennis even gave me a condom a few days into the show. He slipped it into my hand saying it was "for later". I laughed and never mentioned it again. At first I humoured him by flirting back a little but when I realised he actually did want to shag me or anything else that resembled a female (yes Pete does qualify), I quickly backed off. I wouldn't sleep with Dennis if he were the last man on earth and Chantelle said the same. I have no idea why Dennis is doing Celebrity Big Brother. If I were a multi-millionaire like him, you would never see my picture in a paper again. I'd take my money, buy all my friends and family a house on a island together and live in peace forever more. Not Dennis "my cock is mutilated" Rodman though. He can't get enough of being in the papers. He told us that he used to have a Jacobs Ladder in his cock. For those who don't know what that is, it's a series of piercings that go right up the shaft of the penis to look like a silver ladder. He doesn't have it anymore. I can only imagine what it now looks like after being broken during sex (he admitted to that too) and now scarred with loads of little holes. Gross. Dennis also admitted to me that his whole "engagement" to Alicia Douvall was a sham. He said that her people approached his people with OK magazine and said that they would give him £50k if he pretended to be engaged to her. He's never met her before in his life. They did a huge "at home" spread for the magazine and he said he's never seen her since. Don't buy Ok mag people - it's a load of bollocks! He then said that she hounded him after that and tried to make yet more money out of him and he admitted to being "scared" that Big Brother might have got her to do the show as well. He said he would have walked out if she had appeared in the house and something along the lines of she's a "nutter" or "insane". Pot kettle black.
Me, Chantelle and Preston nick-named George "shifty" as we all agreed he had shifty eyes. He watches everything and misses nothing. Or so he thinks. Even if he is the other side of a room, he will have one eye on you at all times. It's quite scary. So that we could talk about him without him knowing, we referred to him as "shifty" the whole time. Even with all his weird staring, he still manages to get everything wrong, or else just tell lies when he doesn't know the answer to something. George said one of the reasons he did CBB was to appeal to young people - if that's the case then why, in the first week did he not speak to me at all, other than to have a go at me. He only started to be nice to Chantelle and Preston after he was nominated, and they fell for his fake niceness. The truth is, George doesn't give a shit about young people or what they have to say. He cares only for himself and I find it disgusting that as a tax-payer, my money is going towards paying his wages, while he tries to become a celeb on a TV show. George has constantly lied (don't all politicians), one of his biggest being "Jodie told Chantelle to tell Michael to 'F*ck off', I watched her say it" - when trying (successfully) to turn the whole house against me. Actually I mouthed to Chantelle "shut up" when Michael repeatedly shouted at her "shut up, shut up, shut up" just because she tried to encourage Preston with his chocolate eating task. Chantelle than asked me, would I go in the diary room with her, to which I said yes and when we came out, the whole house attacked me on George's say so, for trying to "manipulate" Chantelle. The classic line being from Traci "just because I live in the same town as Dennis, doesn't mean I want to be friends with him", as I tried to explain that Chantelle and I were both Essex girls and had bonded. No, love, but you would get in his pants, given half the chance, even though you are about to be married and you probably don't know what real friendships are, as judging by what I now know of you, you've never had one.
I also got accused by Preston as "just wanting to get her tits out" - Er, no. Traci had her fake baps out every two seconds - not me. And as for Rula doing her mummified weird strip at the dining table down to a swimsuit - does anyone actually want to see a 68 year old's body half naked? And why is it ok for her to do that and not me. Can you imagine the stick I would have taken from the b*stard housemates if I had done anything of the sort?! It doesn't even bear thinking about!
Maggoty is exactly that - a maggot. He's two-faced and apparently a lot older than he makes out. I did wonder why he's got grey hair?! And there was innocent little me thinking he's just had a hard life! He won't tell anybody his real name, which makes me wonder if it's Jessica or something?! Anyway, I'm very glad that Preston nominated him this week. Maggot pretended to be diplomatic towards me when the whole "lets crucify Jodie Marsh" thing happened, but really he was just as bad as the rest of them. I was being screamed at by three ugly men, all old enough to be my dad, yet he did nothing to stand up for me and went in the diary room to be nasty about me. What real man stands by and lets a young girl be picked on to that extent for no reason?! Horrible - and abuse towards me from a man that sings a song called "your mother's got a penis" - that just says it all!
Things you probably don't know about Pete: he hardly ever sleeps, he hardly ever eats (I'm wondering if he's even human?). All I saw him eat was spoonfuls of natural greek yoghurt straight out of the tub. He refused to let anyone see him without one of his hideous matted wigs on (I think he's bald underneath - well he is nearly 50 - it makes sense) and he spent hours a day in the bathroom, although none of us had quite worked out what he was doing. His make-up never comes off, he doesn't ever appear to have a shower (when he did go in the shower room, he would emerge a little while later fully clothed, dry, full face of make up and flea-ridden wig still in place) and sometimes I would even wake up in the middle of the night to find him sitting in front of a mirror in the pitch black room, seemingly applying yet more make-up! No wonder he looks so awful if he only ever applies his make-up in the dark!
Now lets talk about Michael - the mentally deranged one of the group. He milked the red carpet going in and has had a head bigger than Pete Burns ever since. He honestly thinks the public love him and is going to get a warm reception when he comes out. He picked on me from day one. We're talking about a man who's been in rehab 8 times for drink and drug abuse, a man who allegedly fled a crime scene and left the country out of shame, trying to give me what he considered to be advice and also telling me that I'm heading the same way as him He even told me that I too would "end up in rehab". Considering I've never tried drugs in my life and hardly drink, I would like to take this opportunity to say that he is very very wrong and that actually, he is the one heading for another breakdown. Now that I'm out of the House of Hell, I'm happy and laughing and enjoying my life again. He, on the other hand, has serious issues. He slurs when he speaks (half the time you would think he was drunk), he waffles insanely about things that don't make sense, he won't go anywhere near the swimming pool area and still the Lubbock family don't have any answers. I think the whole of Britain should get together to sign a petition to hand to the courts that force Michael Bullymore to speak out, to give the Lubbock family some closure and understanding over their son/boyfriend/father's death. It's disgusting that Michael has even been given air time after his fall from grace. At least now though, the general public have seen what a weird, twisted and nasty old man he is. He doesn't appear to have any remorse over the death of Stuart Lubbock and wants only to revive a dead career. Shame on him. And shame on Endemol for giving him the chance. What next? Fred West on I'm a Celebrity?! What is British TV coming to, I ask you?!
I hated every minute of CBB, as you can probably tell. The only positives to come out of it for me were meeting Chantelle (I've been on the phone to her mum ever since), highlighting the evil trade of fur-coats and drawing attention to bullying. I am now organising a tour of schools with Beat Bullying and my new PETA add (where I have been photographed stark naked) is due out in a few weeks. Life is good again. Vote for Chantelle - she's the only one being real! Please don't give Pete, George, Michael, Rula, Maggot, Dennis or Traci the time of day. They are all fake, they are all playing a game that they are desperate to win..... and think how amazing it would be to have a non-celeb win Celebrity Big Brother! Chantelle all the way - you go girl!!!!!!!
Chantelle - I really want her to win. She's real, genuine, lovely, kind and funny. She deserves it more than anybody in the House of Freaks and I can't wait to see her when it's all over.
Preston - He's a little sweetie. If he didn't already have a girlfriend, I would happily have snogged him in the house. He is the second nicest to Chantelle but he's still playing a game. A real man would have stood up for me when the three bullies laid into me.
Dennis - He sees all women as meat. Unless you are prepared to sleep with him then you are of no use to him. He doesn't have mush personality and I find it very strange that he would even want to do a show like this when he is already a multi-millionaire. Lord only knows what the beautiful Carmen Electra saw in him, other than his money, of course, which for me, just isn't anywhere near enough to make me interested.
Pete - the ugliest thing, inside and out, I have ever laid eyes on. Fur-wearing, people-hating, bitter jellus old trannie. Get him out - he's a bully and doesn't deserve any respect apart from for the one good record he made 30 years ago!!
Rula - a two-faced bitter old woman. She's trying to get her face back on TV by doing Big Brother. She hasn't done herself any favours by voting me out and slagging me off behind my back, only to be the first one to come comforting me and hugging me when I got upset. Does she not realise the cameras watch your every move in there?! Stop being so fake Rula and you would be quite likeable.
George - My dad always says "never trust a man with a moustache" and he's right if George is anything to go by. The man told more lies in the first week than I have told in my entire life! I'm very glad the housemates have now seen what a little snake he is. And what sort of real politician does a celebrity reality TV show anyway. George is a bully and a vile little man. Can tax-payers get a refund for his wages?!
Traci - everything about her is fake, from her boobs to her pretend love of animals. Her annoying Michael Jackson voice and fake niceness to everyone will be seen. She bleats on about going to "Harvard" university but I scored a lot higher than her on the IQ test. Stop pretending to be anything other than an annoying dumb, un-caring bimbo Traci. We all know you only date men for money and you're not a nice person.
Michael - Totally deranged. He needs help and quickly. Even when he's trying to be funny, he's just not. As for choosing to dress up as Adolf Hitler during a task - that just says it all. Why would you want to dress up as a murdering b*stard, hated the world over? Was he trying to tell us something. I think he should be forced to speak out about the death of Stuart Lubbock so as to give the Lubbock family some closure and understanding. The whole house thinks he's mad and vile (although half wouldn't have the balls to admit it). Michael - scum of the earth. I'm ashamed to have my name mentioned in the same breath as his.
Maggot - a maggot. He's trying to play it cool so that everyone thinks he's just a friendly, nice guy - kind of like the Bez of this year. Only problem is, he's not cool, he's definitely not friendly and he's not nice. He is as two-faced as Rula. He hardly ever speaks and the reason for that is he doesn't want people seeing the real him cos the real him is a sly, shifty, unintelligent man who sings about other people's mums having a penis. Grow up and grow a personality Maggot.
Faria - I'm gutted she's been evicted. She was one of the nicest in that house. Yet again the British public get it wrong though! Faria cooked for everyone every day and was "the mother" of the house. She was kind and warm, and although probably playing as mush of a game as the rest of them, I found her to be one of the more genuine. I got on with her and was able to laugh and joke with her. She was on my side about the bullying but didn't quite have the guts to stand up and say it to everyone else for fear of being shouted down herself.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
No comments:
Post a Comment