So, I've spent the last three days of my spare time replying to fan mail - I finally have my new autograph cards, which is great. They have my text number on the back, which if you text "Jodie" to 80876, you can get pictures, videos and stories on your phone from me. Plus, you'll be in with a chance of winning signed copies of my book. Nice one.
Yesterday I experienced a male orgasm, amongst other things for Closer magazine - watch out for that one, should be in next week's edition or the week after. I won't say too mush about it now as it will ruin it, but get the mag and I'll give you a full write up next week!
Lewis, Sarah and Steven came with me. After the job, we went shopping in Camden and I bought the most lush boots in the whole world! I can't wait to go out now to give them a showing. We picked up my brother on the way home from shopping and went out for a chinese. Took them all to this lovely restaurant that me and my mate Alex (who's also veggie) discovered. It's near the Maypole pub in Hainault on a golf course and it does vegetarian duck! You get all the pancakes and cucumber and everything and it actually looks and tastes like real duck. It's the best discovery we've made in a long time! So, we ate until pregnant again and came home to lay on tha sofa with the dogs. Paddy was really hyper and wanted to play fight everyone while all four little dogs curled up on Lewis (who was half asleep - they always head for the person who looks like they're not gonna move) and went to sleep.
Also got some new ring tones for my mobile late last night, I did have Pussy Cat Dolls for ages, after all, they did write the song about me but I changed it to The Reverend by my brother - but that only made me cry every time my phone rang cos it has a real deep and powerful meaning, which, as yet, only Jordan and I know what he wrote it about. So, I now have, on rotation, Right Said Fred - I'm Too Sexy, Paul Weller - Come On Lets Go, Eminem - Never Enough, Queen - Don't Stop Me Now and Bros - When Will I Be Famous?! Quality tones. Each one gives me a little chuckle when I hear them. They're all upbeat and fun but sum me up at the same time. Oh the simple joys of having a great ring tone. Love it more than I love cheese and marmite toasted rolls from Starbucks! While I think of it, if you want the best coffee in the whole world, go into Starbucks and order a Mocha with Hazlenut syrup. It's heaven in a paper cup. I've got the whole of Brentwood addicted to them, including my Italian mate Peppe, who truly knows fine coffee when he tastes it. Seriously, you can't get better than that for a mouthful of joy. I've even bought the syrup and caramel drizzle sauce so I can make them myself at home! One word - Geek. I know, I know......
Today I wanted to re-write on here a letter I sent Ulrika Johnson once after she publicly called me ugly in her column in a newspaper. It just really tickled me at the time cos I basically said she was nothing but a bully and that I hoped her kids didn't get bullied like I did at school by people like her etc. etc. Since it's fairly topical at the moment, was gonna show you all her comments about me (having NEVER met me, I might add) and then my letter of response. She never replied. Oh well, I'm sure she's busy arranging her third divorce anyway. See, I truly believe that what goes around comes around. I'm not saying that cos she was horrible to me, her third marriage has fallen apart, but I just think you reap what you sow in life. She was rip-roaringly mean to me, having never met me. She tore into the way I look and said that her and her (now vanished) husband had sat laughing at home over the way I looked and wondering what that "thing" on my face was. She meant my nose. Well, if I ever do find the letter, amongst the stack of paperwork at my house, I'll definitely put it on the site cos it's a good example of how to make someone feel bad for their actions and put them in their place. But, in the mean time, I won't feel too sorry for the woman who's lost yet another hubbie (Jeez, I haven't been married once yet bird - stop being so damn greedy), even more so for the fact that the miserable and now seperated pair sat at home mocking a person they'd never met. Funny how life turns out isn't it?! I don't slag people off without reason and would be ashamed of myself if I did. I don't think you should judge people unless you know them and it's wrong to make assumptions about others. It is even more disgusting to abuse the way somebody looks. I can't help the way my face turned out. If I wasn't as strong as I am, I'd have probably tried to top myself by now, in the thought that I was hideously ugly! Come to think of it, while you're at it Ulrika, wanna abuse my friend who was so badly burned in a fire, he doesn't have ears? No, I didn't think so - leave off my nose then. In fact, just leave off entirely. Leave off men - put your kids first and not a fourth marriage! Please?! And, no we don't wanna hear about all your 'traumas' in OK magazine next week. Do these people only get married and break up all the time to get big money deals from magazines?! Oh shit, that's where I'm going wrong - cos I won't sell my soul, people abuse me! Go figure.
Seriously though, I can just imagine her sitting at home twittering to her 98th bloke about how ugly I am and then going in to work and writing about it like it's funny! If she spent as mush time giving her bloke good head (or being nice and considerate to others) then perhaps her marriages might last
Also, you can piss off, any magazine that wants to talk about her "pain". She won't shift copies anyway (did I mention that I had the highest viewing figures on E4 EVER for my two series of Foolin' Around With Jodie Marsh?). Pain is being bullied for no reason for 13 years (I've been there). Pain is losing a best friend to murder (also been there). Pain is not knowing where your next meal is coming from and Pain is not knowing how long you have left to live. Pain is people dying all over the world in terrible tragedies like the Tsunami and Pain is having your childs' limbs amputated at age 2 (http://www.elliemay.info/). Pain is not being such a cow that you can't keep hold of any one of the twenty husbands you've had and then selling the stories about it to a magazine for disgraceful amounts of money. Ulrika Johnson take note.......
Anyway, back to being smiley. Jordan is playing at Embassy again tonight. He's actually on at half ten, not eleven like I said before. I can't wait. It's raining and miserable over here in Essex so I'm hoping it's not gonna be raining in London tonight. Not that it matters, it's a chance to see all my mates, listen to a quality band and wear my new boots. What more could a girl want in life?
I hope you've all seen my transformation in Reveal mag this week. I went from slag to Superstar in 2 hours and made a grand for Refuge at the same time. Loving it!
Want to say Thank you to Star mag aswell for printing my website address. I asked all the mags to print it as a favour cos people still don't know about it and as you lot all know, it's quite entertaining and fully loaded. Star was the only one that did. They're nice. We like Star! It's hard cos I don't think there are any other celeb websites that give this mush to their fans, yet I can't publicise it any more than I've tried. You'll have to just tell all your mates about it for me! I can't afford the 5 grand it costs to put it on a search engine! ha ha Perhaps I should sell my soul for filthy amounts of money to Ok mag after all - give them a shot of me holding up a pregnancy test to reveal that, shock horror, I'm NOT pregnant, Jordan styleee. Or do a wedding dress shoot for them cos my boyfriend hasn't yet proposed but I think he might, or want him to in the future, in the not so dignified way of Michelle Heaton.What on earth is all that about?! Somebody please tell me......
To a normal person like you or I, that's like Lewis coming home from work one day to find me in the kitchen wearing a wedding dress and a pair of marigolds, in the hope it might make him propose to me. Hilarious! Michelle Heaton actually wore wedding dresses publicly before Mandy Scott Lee had proposed to her, in the hope that he would! The headline was something like "I'd love to marry him". Jeez, girl, take some pride in yourself! Have some dignity. The poor lad had no choice but to propose after that. Unless, of course, I'm going mad, and actually that is the way forward?! If your bloke seems to be taking forever to pop the question, just buy a wedding dress and refuse to take it off until he either has you sectioned or proposes! He's gotta do one or the other, surely?! That people, is comedy. I love it more than I love belgian chocolates. It certainly gave me a laugh anyway. I hope it did you.
Off now to get some food. Sarah has been stuck at her desk all day so I'm gonna grab some sandwiches and take them in to her. After that I'm having a shower and getting ready for the gig. Lewis is staying in tonight cos he's still in pain and needs an early night. I'll see his fit butt tomorrow. Have a good rest of your wednesday and I'll write again tomorrow.
Oooh and while I think of it, make sure you all rush out and buy Front magazine tomorrow. I'm on the front cover and have got 9 pages inside. It's a really cool shoot where I had to dress up as famous sexy film stars eg. Sharon Stone in Basic Instinct. It's one for the men but it's a good read too so any ladeeez that wanna take a look - go get it! You'll love it.
Love and snogs and puppy dogs
Jodie "I'm nearly 27 and I've never been divorced" Marsh
xxx
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