It's 1am and I've just got home from Jord's gig. It was brilliant as per normal! All the gang were there (Tony, Pants, Rusty, Carolina, Becky, marge n parge, auntie Barbie and uncle Spud, motorbike Rich and even Jackie and George - the couple who just got married in Cyprus). George knows Fit Barman (being a giant Cypriot doorman himself) so I sat and poured my heart out to him about how mush I miss him. Jackie told my mum how amazing he is. Tomorrow Jackie and George move to Cyprus for good and they have told me that I am welcome to go anytime I like to stay with them (in their 3 bedroom house on the beach!). I told them that when they see Fit Barman later in the week, to tell him from me that I miss him (as if he doesn't already know that!). I'm sooooooooooo jellus that they are moving there! Although I have promised them that I will join them within the next two years. And I've also promised George one of Paddy and Lyla's babies when I breed them, so you see I've GOT to move out there to breed the dogs!!
It was weird seeing Jackie and George cos the last time I saw them we were all hammered in a club in Cyprus and I was snogging the face off the Fit Barman. We were all having the most amount of fun that is humanly possible. Then tonight we were in a club in Chelmsford (and it's not really the same!). At one point the two male barmen were doing tricks throwing glasses around and stuff and George and I stood watching them. At exactly the same time, we turned to each other and said "yeah but they're not as good as Fit Barman!" - well obviously we said his name instead of 'Fit Barman' but I'm not telling you what that is!
So, another day another club. They're all the bloody same over here. Unless I can dance on a bar then I'm not really interested to be quite honest. I'm not content with sitting around making small talk. It was nice to see everyone but I'd far rather be in Cyprus jumping up and down in a club! Me and Carolina chatted all the way home in the car. I filled her in on a lot of what's been happening and she couldn't believe it! She's as shocked as me at the texter from the other night. God, I know I keep on about it but it was so random (and from what I thought I knew of him; out of character) that we have even begun to wonder if it was actually him that sent the texts. We're thinking maybe a freaky friend or jellus girlfriend sent them from his phone?! It just seems so weird. Anyway, I'm not gonna call him to find out cos if it was him then I don't want to talk to him. That said, if I do have to spend time with him again and it turns out that he didn't send the texts then the sh*t is really gonna hit the fan with someone!!!!! Oh dear......
Jackie and George were telling us the story tonight of how they got together 7 years ago. George said Jackie made him wait 3 months for sex and Jackie said it was him who made her wait! She jokingly told the story that eventually when it looked like they were going to 'do it', she said to him "what took you so long?" and he said "I was trying to respect you" - at this point in the story Jackie and I shouted simultaneously "I DON'T WANT RESPECT; I WANT A SHAG!" then we fell about laughing. See us women are all the same - we've all got filthy minds! Ha ha. Theirs was a holiday romance though (It's just lasted 7 years and resulted in marriage) so there's hope for me and the Barman yet! Wooohooooo!!!!!
I have just spoken to my mate Sarah as well. She's in the airport in L.A waiting to catch her flight home. She's coming to stay with me for a week for some TLC and some fun. She's just had a really rough time too so we have decided to go on a bender together. I won't go into her problems (at least until she ok's it for me to do so anyway) but she's in about the same place as me right now! Hacked off with men, feeling down in general, wants to have fun but can't seem to get any and in need of a cuddle. I can't wait to see her. I reckon the timing of this couldn't be better. Not that I want her to be down but at least this way we get to nurse each other back to our normal fun-loving selves!
I'm half-way through my mate Emily Dubberley's book I'd Rather Be Single Than Settle and I have to say girls; it's the nuts! I know you probably think that I'm saying that just cos she's my mate but I'm not. After I finish it, I'm going to force Lauren, Sarah and all the girls to read it. It's so well written and it's so therapeutic. For anyone out there who's single I thoroughly recommend that you go and get it. It is honestly brilliant, funny and highly entertaining. Plus of course it is educating and already I have changed my opinion of wanting to settle down in the near future (with anyone!). It talks about people "settling" as opposed to "settling down". "Settling" is where you quite literally "settle" for being with someone even though deep down you know they are not the perfect person for you. It's funny because when I look back over my own relationships, that is exactly what I have done; settled! Settled for something that wasn't perfect, settled for someone I didn't truly love, settled for someone I had no intention of ever marrying (even though I've had 4 blokes propose to me and I've accepted all four rings - hell why not?!), settled for someone that didn't absolutely rock my world in every single sense of the imagination and settled for somebody who didn't make me 200% happy!!! Now why would anyone want to go and do a thing like that?! We must all be mad. We live our lives in our own little bubbles and we all think that we've got something good. If we sat and really thought about it, I reckon most of us would say we haven't ever truly been in love or we haven't met our "soul mate" (well, actually I have but he's called Kyle and he's gay!). Even when you think you're in love, mostly it turns out that you weren't (when you split and you end up hating each other's guts). The book says that "the only reason to be with a partner is because you hate the idea of being without them - not in a co-dependent way, but because it makes sense to you on every level, including (and essentially) emotionally." It's so true. Basically it's saying that you shouldn't be with someone who doesn't add to your life! And the only addition I had to my life from Fran was more dirty clothes in my laundry basket. He did nothing but take from me. He took my money, he took my life, he took my decisions and he even took my energy. It was a horrible destructive relationship (the worst kind) and we did nothing but argue. In all honesty, if you truly love someone then what could you possibly have to argue about anyway?! In 37 years of loved-up bliss I think I've only ever known of my parents to argue twice! Aside from that, if you haven't really lived your life to the full and done enough for yourself then how do you even know that the person you live with today is "The One"? There might be someone a thousand million times better out there but you don't even know about it because you are too wrapped up in your little (what you think is) happy bubble. On that note I think everyone should stay single for as long as is possible to discover what it really is you want out of life. I'm 27 and I'm f*cked if I know?! Stop all this loved-up nonsense and get out there and meet as many different people as you possibly can. You never know; someone might came along one day and make you feel something you've never felt before. Someone that knocks you not just off your feet, but into another planet with love. But you ain't even gonna see them if you've only got eyes for the nagging other half you live with! You get me?!
I'm off to get some sleep now anyway cos motorbike Paul and Carolina are coming to mine for breakfast tomorrow at 9am. Carolina is bringing the croissants and Paul is bringing his man-wisdom to sort all our problems out. We're going to have an "unleash all our problems on Paul" morning and demand that he tells us exactly how men's minds work. He loves it though does Paul. He's like our agony uncle. He's been there, done it and seen it all. Now he just shares his fountain of knowledge with us and we can't get enough! I could listen to his opinions on life, people and men all day long!
Lots of love and kisses and hugs
Jodie
Xxxxx
P.S Found this in another book I'm reading at the moment:
The path to greater confidence and self-fulfilment is a lengthy process of trial and error. There is no need to blame yourself for your past, present or future behaviour. It is all part of the learning process.
See mum - all those twat men I've been out with are NOT my fault! I knew it! Happy days!
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