Oh my God, as I type this there is a monsoon outside (ha ha - sorry - I still laugh every single time I think of the line "he didn't just rain on my parade; he MONSOONED on it" from recent blog. That was one of my best lines ever! ha ha). I mean a full-on tropical Barbados thunderstorm. It's mad! I've never seen rain like it (apart from in Barbados). I love it! The dogs are going ballistic and I feel all excited!
I have realised that I don't need a man. When I say I don't need one; I mean, I DO need one but not to be happy. All I need to be happy is to FANCY someone. And now I have loads of people to fancy I feel happy again. I have the 17 year old, the cousin of a friend, the perfect stranger (I found out his surname - Dave Doyle from Brentwood - if anyone knows him tell him I say "hello") and there are a few others I've got my eye on too. The thing is that unless I have someone to get excited about then I get fed up. If every time I go out I know I might see one of the people I fancy then it's worth getting really dressed up and having a great night. If I don't fancy anyone however and when I'm out in my new outfit and best shoes (and I don't even so mush as glimpse a good-looking man) I feel like I might as well have stayed in. ha ha. I'm exaggerating cos most of the time I have a great night regardless but it IS nicer when there's someone nice to look at and fancy.
Last night was Linsey Dawn Mackenzie's husband Mark's birthday. They had booked a table at Embassy so me, Jord and Carolina went for dinner with them and their mates at 9pm. It was really nice. We stayed at the table chatting til midnight and then moved onto our table in the VIP room in the club. My date was supposed to be meeting me after the meal in there but he called to say he couldn't make it. He's a bodyguard and yesterday he was body-guarding for the son of a billionaire. He ended up having to stay at their house for the night as the dad didn't want him to leave (I think the dad was away). So while he was sitting in a house bored; I was drunkenly dancing on the sofa. I actually didn't even mind that he didn't come. I find it quite a turn on that he's a bodyguard (he can look after me any time he likes) and I like men who won't just drop everything for me. It shows that they have their own life and mind. Of course I was having it large in the club anyway and by then probably not even able to have a serious conversation with anyone. The whole VIP room was full of footballers. I didn't know any of them (except Jimmy Floyd Hasslebank cos I met him at Linsey and Mark's wedding and Frank Lampard cos I went to school with him). Linsey kept telling me who they all were and introducing them to me but I wasn't interested in any of them (a shame cos they're all MINTED. Ha ha). Like I've said before; it's extremely rare that I just fancy someone on first sight. The only time I've done it was when I fancied Ben watching him on Dance Fever and when I first laid eyes on the Perfect Stranger. Other than that I have to see someone a few times to decide whether I fancy them or not. Normally it's something about their personality that makes me start to like them. A good example is when I watched Kenzie on Big Brother. I fell for him while he was dressed up as an egg! Ha ha. While the female population was swooning over Jeremy Edwards; I had fallen in love with Kenzie wearing a Humpty-Dumpty costume playing hide and seek. I didn't even fancy Max Beasley the first time I met him; Dean Gaffney tried to set us up and I knocked him back thinking he looked "scruffy" - little was I to know he would become the closest to ever getting the key to my heart!
Anyway, Jord was going to drop us at the club, come in and say Happy Birthday to Mark and then leave but he ended up staying til about 2am, which was nice. Carolina and I stayed til 4am and drunkenly got the doorman to get us a chauffeur car home. Turned out that our driver also drives for Valentino Rossi. I told him that if (when he's back in the country) he brings him straight to my house, I'll give him a thousand pounds in cash. He said he would and we shook on it. Ha ha. The driver was also the same one that drove me around for Big Brother. He was laughing at our conversation the whole way home and saying "blimey Jode, you don't change do you? That's what everyone loves about you" - I'm guessing I was being dirty! Ha ha. I remember talking about all the footballers and complaining that none of them were "fit" and the driver was laughing. Eventually we fell asleep and the driver woke us up when we got to mine. He saw us in the door and we stumbled off to bed.
Just want to mention Loopylove cos I've had a quick look at my messages today. I WILL NOT reply to anyone asking if it's the real me. I've said it so many times now - it's getting boring. I also won't reply to anyone asking about Big Brother, Jordan (the plastic one, not my brother), or any other topic that involves my work (apart from the All Star Talent Show cos I LOVE talking about that!). Please people, try and be normal and inventive. It's going to take me forever to reply to everyone anyway and I really can't be arsed with all the ones asking if it's really me or asking if Big Brother was fun - it wasn't! And I DO NOT want to talk about it. Ok?!
Yesterday I had sooooo mush fun on Loopylove. I got chatting to a guy on the instant messenger thing and he asked if I wanted to see him. I said "yes" and suddenly a moving image of him appeared on my screen! He had a webcam thing and I was able to see and hear him. I used to have a webcam but I took it off when I got a new computer. It was hilarious though. I even managed to get him to show me his white bits (he'd just got back from Cyprus). He also picked us his cat and showed me that. Soooooo mush fun! Lauren was sitting with me and we kept thinking of things for him to do. The only one he wouldn't do was sing us a song! Ha ha. Great fun though!!!
Back to last night. The VIP room was quite packed and we noticed that there were a lot of couples in there. At one point there were two arguments going on around us (one girl actually smacked her bloke across the face for looking at another girl). It was the best thing I've seen all year. Not good in the sense that I like to see rows but good in the sense that it made me realise once and for all how good it is to be single and have no one to answer to or argue with. I don't tolerate arguments in a relationship anyway (as life is far too short to spend arguing with the person you are supposed to love) but obviously sometimes they are unavoidable. It just made me feel very lucky to be on my own and to not have to worry about what my bloke is getting up to. If I do ever settle down again it will be with someone I love more than life itself and who I completely trust. Also I want my partner to be my best friend. I want to feel secure and loved and I never want to worry that they are looking at another girl. I want to love them so mush that I would die for them and I want them to feel the same way about me. I don't ever want to argue (and CERTAINLY not in public with a whole room watching!) and I want to wake up every day smiling and thinking I am the luckiest girl in the whole world cos I have bagged the BEST man in the whole world! Stuff being paranoid and insecure in a relationship - I'd rather be on my own forever. I'm truly glad I'm single now. Relationships with the wrong person suck!!!!!!!!
Carolina and I didn't know where to look at one point (while the girl was crying and her bloke was trying to make it up to her). It was so embarrassing and cringey. I mean, I know that sometimes things can't be helped but it's so awkward for everyone around when a couple have a giant public spat. I wanted to laugh (being the nervous giggling wreck that I am) but I couldn't cos they were right next to us!) I did manage to have a little chuckle though when I turned away for a second. I did feel for them at the same time though. I wondered what sort of life it would be to love someone (or think you love someone) and to also hate them and want to tear their throat out. It must be awful to not trust your partner and to be scared that every time your back is turned they might be looking at someone else (or worse than that, pulling someone else). I would HATE to live like that. Well, that's why I don't. If I get one SNIFF of something being not right, they are booted out the door quicker than you can say "get out you twat". I haven't got the will, energy or time for messers and I don't need a bloke in my life that doesn't love me back as mush as I love him.
As you all know, I sacked a bloke once for calling me "selfish". ha ha. I was anything but selfish to him! I gave up 3 months to travel the world with him and help him move house and he called me selfish cos after 3 months of getting on planes and lugging furniture about, I wanted to go and see my dogs! Yeah right! You have been evicted! NEXT!!!!!!!
I do wonder though when I see couples like that: is the woman just an insecure and unstable bunny-boiler? Or is the man a player and not to be trusted (therefore MAKING her insecure and paranoid)? Surely either way; the relationship is doomed and not making EITHER of them happy. Why not just end it and move on? I'm sure there IS someone out there for everyone and maybe with the right person their lives would be so mush more fulfilled and satisfying. Instead these people stick with it and argue constantly. That's no way to live?! I mean, I respect them for having the inclination and energy to plough on with it but surely sometimes it's more commendable to be brave and end something that's not right. Sticking with someone cos you're afraid of being alone or cos you "think" you love them (even though they are not making you 200% happy) is just cowardly and weak. I can guarantee that the girl made him sleep on the sofa and that today they are still not speaking (the couple did have a whopper of a row!). That's not a happy place to be. I mean, sleeping on a sofa is fine if you're doing it cos you're snuggled up against someone you love (in my case, Paddy and Lyla) but not when you've been denied access to your own bed (or worse, someone else's bed! Ha ha). The whole world has gone mad!
I almost felt like intervening and saying "come on now; you're clearly not right for each other and this is no way to live or behave. Neither of you is happy and there's enough violence in this world without you two fighting each other!" - I wanted to make them see sense for that one moment in time. Their relationship is destructive and crap and NOT bringing them the most joy that is humanly possible. I wanted to ask them why they even bother staying together and I wanted to SHOW them how mush better life can be. I suppose it's easy for me to say all this; having experienced so many men, relationships and arguments. I've been there and done it. I've had the best and the worst. I know how crap a relationship can be and I also know how AMAZING it can be when you truly love and trust someone. It's not worth settling for second best anymore. I'd rather wait for my Knight in Shining Armour and whisk him off to Barbados to get married. Maybe these couples just don't know how amazing a loving relationship can be?! Like I said, for a minute I wanted to get in there and counsel both of them. Sit them down and talk them through where they are going wrong; force them to split up and move on and find TRUE love (or just enjoy being single). But only for a minute..... Then I was back to lap-dancing for Carolina on the sofa (who said "if we don't find a man tonight, we'll have to snog each other again!" - oh go on then! Gis a kiss!)............
Hope you have had a great weekend. I have!
I'm going to leave you with yet another joke I got sent on Loopylove cos it's hilarious. Sorry - these blogs are turning into a joke book. But it really is funny.............
A guy gets on a plane and finds himself seated next to a cute blonde. He immediately turns to her and makes his move. "You know," he says, "I've heard that flights will go quicker if you strike up a conversation with your fellow passenger. So let's talk." The blonde, who had just opened her book, closes it slowly and says to the guy, "What would you like to discuss?" "Oh, I don't know," says the guy. "How about nuclear power?" "OK," says the blonde. "That could be an interesting topic. But let me ask you a question first. A horse, a cow, and a deer all eat the same stuff, grass. Yet the deer excretes little pellets, the cow turns out a flat patty and the horse produces muffins of dried poop. Why do you suppose that is?" The guy is dumbfounded. Finally he replies, "I haven't the slightest idea." "So tell me," says the blonde, "How is it that you feel qualified to discuss nuclear power when you don't know shit?"
And that my friends; is brilliant!
Loads of love Jodie TRULY happy to be single Marsh
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