So........
Can life get any better at the moment?! Currently, you can bid to buy Will Young's bed (courtesy of me, Will and his brother Rupert - all proceeds going to Beat Bullying), you can win a day in the life of me, which means you get to hang out with me for a whole day and night, at work and at play (with all proceeds going to Refuge), my party is next Wednesday at Eve club and it's gonna rock! My PETA add campaign (featuring me stark naked) will be out soon and the Fight for Life Christmas party is in a couple of weeks. Think I'm gonna drag Kenzie along to that one. I'm loving the fact that right now, I can offer you some amazing prizes and that we are all coming together for some very good causes. For more info on any of the above, see previous blog.
Today I have to take Paddy to get bathed. He's going on GMTV tomorrow to model doggy clothes. Everyone loves Paddy and I just know they'll go nuts for him on the show. Surely something is wrong though, when a TV show asks for your dog, but not you! Ha ha. No, I understand. After all, Paddy is the most handsome dog in the world - why wouldn't they want him on? I wish I could clone him and give him out to all my friends and fans. Any time someone said they were feeling down, I could give them a Paddy to cheer them up. Me, Sarah, Steven and Jord watched a film last night. Paddy snored loudly the whole way through. After that, when I finally went to bed to have a read (am reading Adventures of a London Call Girl at the mo - blimey it's rude! Anyone that thought I talked about sex a lot or in detail should take a look at that!), and took him up with me (and all the little dogs). They spent half an hour fidgeting and sniffing about, until they all settled and felt like little hot water bottles all over me. That's a good thing. The room I slept in was freezing cold, not to mention scary. It's one of the rooms we don't go in on our own and since Lewis was playing football last night, I had to fill the bed with all the little fluffy bears instead.
Today I am finishing off fan mail - it's never ending! Then, I am going into Brentwood to get Paddy bathed and to have some lunch. Tonight I am supposed to be going to Lewis's brother's birthday but not sure if I can just yet. I've got to find a load of stuff for my solicitor so might have to act resposibly for once and stay in. God, I never wanna grow up! Jordan is still in bed. I'm gonna go and blast a fog horn in his room if he's not up in the next half hour! Lazy little tyke.
Dave Morgan and his fire station are in the process of organising a charity day in aid of Ellie May (the little girl I've chatted about a few times on blog). They are erecting a pole that equals the height of Mount Everest, on which people can slide down. I have ordered a sexy fire girl uniform to wear on the day, as I'll be making an appearance. As soon as I get a date, I'll let you know so you can come along. It'll be in London somewhere. Should be brilliant though. Not to mention full of eye candy.... firemen!!!!
So, I haven't got anything to rant about today. That said, I haven't seen any of the magazines this week, which is probably why I feel so calm. No doubt, on taking a peek at one, I'll be straight back on here, mouthing off about something or other. I have no idea why they are still hideous about me - one fan wrote to me saying that it's jealousy, and he's probably right. The thing that rubs like a cheese-grater on my last frazzled nerve though, is that I am more than willing to do Charity work for the rest of my life. I genuinely want to help people and others less fortunate and the fact that I am famous just makes it even better and easier to help. If the people writing about celebs in these mags could just write about me enough for me to stay famous enough to be able to make a difference, then I'll be happy. It'd just be nice if, occasionally, I was to open a magazine and actually read something positive about myself, rather than the usual "freak", "slapper", "ugly" comments. Well, I suppose you can't have it all your own way. "Be famous Jodie, but be hated and slated - or don't be famous at all", I feel like some God of Fame is saying to me, whilst pointing a huge finger down from the sky. I mean, I don't understand it. J-Lo is mega famous. She parades around in fur coats and mink eyelashes and people still love her. Two hundred animals were slaughtered for her to prance about in a stupid coat for an hour and yet she's worshipped?! What the hell? Is that it? Do I have to be an out and out bitch for people to like me? Do I have to start killing animals for people to think I'm cool? Obviously that's not gonna happen, but if I could get hold of that God of Fame, with his big finger, I'd jump on his back and not let go until he promised me an easier ride. I know deep down that all the abuse I get is character building and that it strengthens me and tests me. I know that I'll die a very wise, educated and morally perfect person, but who wants that, ultimately?! I just wanna be loved by people and animals the world over, until I die surrounded by dogs and motorbikes and fit men. Ha ha ha. Oh, ok I'm being melodramatic. I'm happy really, just got nothing to rant about so suddenly felt the need to start something. God, I'm turning into school teacher Lauren, who, when everything is good, starts a row, just cos she can't cope unless she's having an argument! Lol. Is that the real me?! A shaking nervous wreck who needs to argue her way through life to feel like she's getting somewhere?! No, that's not me at all. Deep down, I'm very happy being me. I may not look perfect but God damn, I feel sexy. I may not have gone to Uni, but I can out-talk a lecturer, I may not want to get married ever, but I have the best little gang of dogs in the world and I may not get treated very well by the people in this ghastly business, but I'll be the one laughing at the end of it. Come Judgement Day, I'll be stood at the pearly gates, chihuahua under-arm, saying "God, do me a favour mate, don't let Carole Malone in".
Gotta go now cos my phone (which I've been ignoring) has been ringing and beeping for the last half hour. I've got a magazine interview to do, then a radio one, before I get the Padmaster up to Brentwood for his bath and anal-gland cleaning. Have a lovely day everyone. Keep smiling and don't ever give up on your dreams. If you give up, you'll be a failure as well as miserable. At least I can say I didn't fail..........
PART TWO:
So, I wrote all the above earlier and have logged back on now (it's 6pm) to edit the captions that go with some new pics I've just added to the gallery. Paddy is washed and clean and shiney. The pet shop even put a bandana round his neck for when I went to pick him up. He looked very smart! Just found out that GMTV is not live tomorrow, it's pre-recorded so I'll let you know when it's going to be on. No doubt Paddy will be a panting, sweating beast. Whenever he's in a new place, he comes over all ugly and panting. At home, he's mellow and cute and you feel the need to grab his saggy jowls every two minutes. In a new environment, however, he turns into a hyper, gurning smelly dog. He farts non-stop (a bit like Jordan then) and generally causes carnage. Should be fun anyway.
I'm so excited that Christmas is upon us. For my birthday this year (which is the 23rd Dec, by the way), I am having a fancy dress party. There will be strictly no entry to anyone not in Fancy Dress! Yipee. I won't say what I'm going as cos I don't want anyone nicking my idea but there will be prizes for the best dressed and also the silliest costume. Emma from Big Brother said she'll come as a carrot and I've told Lewis to come as either a hotdog (comedy value) or a chippendale (black tight pants, bowtie and nothing else - gotta have something nice to look at). I can't wait.
My best birthday ever was last year when my mum secretly organised for me and all my mates to go outdoor ice skating on Boxing Day in London. A load of my mates had stayed at ours on Christmas day and then, when we got up in the morning, my mum was shouting at me to get ready cos we were "going out for dinner". I waved all my mates off at the front door and ran off to get my lipstick, when the door bell went again. My mum feigned horror and shouted "who are you expecting Jodie? We need to leave for the meal now", for me to answer "No one!" and rush to open the door. Outside were twenty of my closest friends, inlcuding the lot I had just waved off a few minutes earlier. They all piled back into the house and STILL no one would tell me what was going on. We got into 4 separate cars and drove to London in convoy. Until we actually arrived at the ice skating rink, I still didn't have a clue what was going on. It was amazing though. The ice rink was lit by hundreds of tiny fairy lights and they were playing Christmas songs through a speaker system to the whole area. All of us whacked skates on and jumped onto the ice. It was the best birthday surprise ever!
This year, I don't think there'll be any surprises, except seeing what everyone is going to wear to the party. I absolutely love fancy dress so will be in my element. I want everyone to make a massive effort with their outfits - I won't settle for the old black suit and "I came as a gangster" line! It's gotta be outrageous and wild. I don't actually want to celebrate being another year older but it's as good an excuse as any to have a party I suppose, and what better way to persuade everyone to look like a tit for the night?! Oh, the joys of dictating on your birthday.....
Changing the subject entirely, and I can do that cos I have the power! Just looked up the word 'Heartbreaker' in the dictionary. Obviously, you know by now that I have it tattooed on my leg. It means 'to cause someone intense and overwhelming grief esp. through disappointment in love'. Fascinating. Does that mean Fran can be considered one, as he disappointed frequently when he couldn't get it up?! Ha ha. On a serious note though, I don't think I've ever been disappointing in a relationship, I just don't wanna be with anyone for longer than 6 months or after they've upset my dogs or mates (whichever comes first really). On that note, I'd like to apologise to my best mate Kyle. You were right, 'snaffle' is in the dictionary. I take it all back. I can't quite believe my own eyes but there it is, in black and white. 'Snaffle' - a simple jointed bit for a horse. Not quite the same snaffle you talk about, or even remotely similar, but it is there, all the same, my darling fairy godmother.....
I've smoked another 20 'nails' (in the coffin) as I've been writing this and my lungs are now trying to escape my body (I think I coughed one up earlier, it was black and looked like a raisin - all those years of fag abuse - that's cigarettes, not gay men, although I've had a few of those as well). I've really gotta go now, my eyes are starting to go a bit wonky and Paddy is getting excited about being on TV tomorrow. His head is big enough as it is (being a bulldog), but now that he's a TV star, he's demanding I take all the round biscuits out of his dinner and leave only the bone shaped ones.....
Good night folks, thanks for coming
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