Well hello there. Last night was alright. Went to the opening of some restaurant/bar thing. Took advantage of the free drinks and had a nice chat with Vanessa (the pretty blonde one from Big Brother). She's really lovely actually, we decided we'd have to go out together soon as we're both single. Bit of girlie fun. Nice. Left there to go the re opening of a hotel. That wasn't too hot so we ended up back at my mate Rupert's flat. We got snapped together in his car so no doubt the press will be saying we're together soon.
It's all over the magazines this week that I'm with Dave Morgan - not true!! Dave is my mate (as mentioned loads on previous blog). In fact, Dave fancies one of my other mates and they might be going on a date but as usual, just cos we got photographed together, immediately, we're dating! Unfortunately for me, I'm not allowed to have male friends. If I'm seen with a guy, automatically I must be shagging him. It's ridiculous. Ok, we WERE holding hands, but as I've said before, I hold hands with all my friends. As a group, we're all very affectionate. We hold hands, cuddle, kiss and stroke each other regularly. Hell, we even give each other foot massages! It's nice to be able to be like that with your friends and certainly none of us are complaining. Just a shame that it can be misinterpreted.
Proof of a time that it can be a problem was when I was going out with Max Beasley. He was abroad on the Robbie Williams tour and I went out in London one night. I met up with all my mates and we moved around on a bit of club crawl. We had two cars full of people and somehow Callum Best ended up in the same car as me on one of the trips. Callum and I weren't even on the best of terms at the time. We sat on opposite sides of the car but because the next day it was all over the papers that we "MUST be seeing each other" and Max had managed to get hold of an English paper abroad, I had some explaining to do. No one knew that Max and I were a couple (best way to be) and so didn't even realise what damage they might have done. Needless to say, I spent hours on the phone to Max that day trying to explain that I barely even spoke to Callum that night and that he just happened to jump in the same people mover as me to get to the next club. Max was cool anyway and fully understood. I think he knew deep down that I wouldn't have cheated on him. I've never cheated on anyone in my life, and considering Max was the only bloke I've ever truly loved, I definitely wasn't gonna do anything to jeopardise our relationship.
That said, I don't actually mind being linked to different men. I think it's quite funny. You never know with me if I am seeing someone or if they're just a friend cos in the inital stages of a relationship, I always keep things really quiet. Plus, everyone who truly knows me also knows who I'm seeing. That's all that matters at the end of the day. Although, now I'm ranting on my website every day, you get to hear first hand if I am seeing anyone so for the millionth time in my life - I beg you - DO NOT BELIEVE ANYTHING YOU READ unless you read it here or in my book! Or in a nice magazine, written by a nice journalist. Rare - but it does happen!
Mostly, the only thing that you can take to be true in magazines is when I actually give an interview. If you see actual questions and answers then you can assume that they are printing what I actually said. Although last week they even misquoted me in a proper interview. It was for Ok magazine. I didn't wanna do it anyway cos Ok have refused to work with me ever since Jordan had it written into her exclusive contract with them that they couldn't use me for anything (apparently). Ha ha. Queen Jordan, she says it and they do it. Everyone at Ok mag is scared of her. They must be otherwise they wouldn't bow down to her ridiculous demands. Mind you, this is the magazine that described her as "the stunning bride" on her wedding day we're talking about. Comedy pink Bishop more like. Are they blind?!! Sorry, gone off the story.... Anyway, I didn't wanna do the job but had to for Trust Me I'm a Holiday Rep as Channel 5 had set it up and we, as the "stars" have to fulfill our obligation of promoting the show. The woman interviewing didn't even have a tape recorder and she quoted me as saying all my ex's have been losers. Directly before that I had mentioned Kenzie. It looked like I had included him in that. Kenzie wasn't a loser. I may have said "some" or "most" of my ex's but definitely not "all". To this day I love Kenzie. We are still mates and I really do want only the best for him. He has a heart of gold. It may not have worked out between us but that doesn't mean I think badly of him or would ever call him a loser. He's a diamond!
Just wanted to say that. Anyone that watched Trust Me I'm a Holiday Rep would have seen the real me. They would have seen that I'm a nice, normal down to earth girl. I work hard, I'm caring, polite, funny and intelligent with just the right amount of naughtiness thrown in for good measure. I've always been like this. Unfortunately the press have portrayed me as a cheap, dumb slapper from day one. I can't control the press (damn it, I've tried) and I love my job so I just have to carry on doing what I'm doing. Wearing skimpy outfits doesn't make me a bad person - to me it's just a part of the job! Put it this way, without the silly outfits, I wouldn't have made so many front pages (if any at all) and wouldn't now be in a position where I'm ambassador to 7 charities and able to help them all in different ways. I chose to do this for a living so I guess I have to deal with all the negative press and people I encounter along the way. An example of this being:
Had a look the other day at some of these stupid internet chat forum things. A lot of people seem to be abusing me on them. Not just a little bit of abuse but a full on tearing to pieces about every part of me, from the way I look to my personality (not that these losers with too mush time on their hands have ever actually met me!). Not sure who in their right mind would wanna spend all day slagging off someone they've never met and don't know why they're so bothered by me in the first place. Some might say it's jealousy, I think it's just a case of needing a life, a shag, a fulfilling job and overall general satisfaction. It's quite scary how many freaks are out there. People who look at me in magazines or on tv then spend hours ranting about me to other people they've never met. Jeeez, sort your life out folks. I'm happy. I'm doing a job I love. I'm making good money. I'm in a position to help others (which I do). If you're not happy with your own life, do something about it!!! Sometimes I think the world has gone insane. What do they want from me? My blood?! I repeat, the skimpy outfits are the only thing people judge me on, and they are part of my job. They have helped me get to where I am now so without them, I'd be just another Leilani or whoever. Modelling once a month and getting my tits out. Instead, I'm working mostly in tv. I do more charity work than I do paid and I'm loving every minute of it. Apart from that, the only thing people can think I'm cheap for is my sexpert T-shirt where I rated all my ex's. They way I see it, none of those guys gave me the respect I deserved, They cheated on me (Fran, Callum, Dane), took money from me (Fran, Callum), sold stories on me (Fran, Dane, Scott - Sullivan and Wright), lied about me (Fran, Kian) etc etc - need I go on. All girls slate their ex's to their friends and the way I see it, I'm friends with the whole country. Hell, my whole life is public property so why shouldn't I share with you my views on my ex's. Don't tell me you've never sat at home and told all your mates that your ex has a small willy or whatever. It's a part of life. Plus, I feel it's my duty to tell you all that Callum used lots of lube during sex- don't tell me you don't wanna know the juicy details! I'm doing a public service. Its on a need to know basis and you lot NEED to know! If someone gives me the respect I deserve then I'll respect them and keep my mouth shut. If not then I'm airing the dirty laundry, the same way any human being would. You lot tell all to your mates, I can't help it that my mates work at the News of the World!
And, yes, one of my ex's does have the nickname "mushroom" due to the size and shape of his bits. Actually, it's "button mushroom" - but I won't say who
Sometimes life can be tough but you know what, sometimes grief and pain and difficulties are sent to test us. They make us better and stronger and when things are really bad, we appreciate the good even more when it comes. When I'm having a tough time I always think of the story from the bible of the footprints in the sand. The man is walking through the desert and there are two sets of footprints in the sand, his and God's. When things get really hard for him, he notices that there are only one set of footprints. He asks God why, when things were so bad, he appeared to have deserted him. God replies, "when you can see only one set of footprints - I was carrying you". That, my friends is beautiful. Have a good day and keep smiling like I do; even when I'm being called a cheap, trashy, ugly slapper.
Laters
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